Chapter 12 - Hitorijime Undone

"We got a call from the bank today."

"Hmm?"

"Bills are overdue still."

"Hmm."

"…are you planning to do anything about that?"

"Busy."

Akina glowered over at her husband as he lounged on the bed drinking beer, his favorite TV program on. Ever since they'd gotten together back in high school, Akina and Tatsuya had maintained their relationship well past her graduation – going as far as to marry just a few months after her graduation.

Suffice to say, her parents had not approved at all given Tatsuya's hyper-aggressive disposition and lack of prospects – in addition to preferring her childhood friend for her – but Akina had insisted upon the marriage anyway. In the end, they had agreed to the match, but it was telling of how little esteem her marriage to him had garnered her that, out of the nearly 70 invitations sent out for the wedding, only 12 showed up – all of them from Tatsuya's side. Not even one of her schoolmates had deigned to attend. Her own parents only attended the civil registration process and refused to participate or pay for the religious ceremony, which of course meant they'd had to nix it entirely because Tatsuya's parents couldn't afford the expense.

She'd effectively been cut out of everyone's lives…just for choosing Tatsuya.

In fairness, she understood many of the absences – unlike her classmates, Akina's university education evaporated as a possible choice the moment her relationship with Tatsuya became formalized with their engagement. Her parents simply refused to pay for university so long as she was with him.

Tatsuya's own university prospects were null and void given his grades, but there had been decent expectations that he could make it in a technical or vocational college. He'd already shown decent ability at specialized manual labor, after all, so a decent livelihood as a blue-collar family was certainly in the cards.

Except that, after getting into a fight with a colleague at one of his jobs, Tatsuya had gotten fired, his offer of attending the necessary vocational training was revoked, and he'd been blacklisted throughout the region. Short of moving, then, there would be little means for him to get a decent job within his field.

That had been seven years ago.

Since then, the now 27-year-old Akina and her 29-year-old husband were living out of a ratty little studio apartment with few prospects before them. The only way to make ends meet had been for both to work as many part-time gigs as they could, given that neither had degrees, vocational training, or consistent employment histories to justify hiring them full time.

In that time, the only thing Tatsuya had maintained from his younger, more confident days was his musculature – he trained often at the park to stay in shape and to channel his anger issues – and his libido.

Other than that, nothing. No ambition, no dreams, no hopes.

Hell, she doubted he even loved her anymore the way he had when they were younger. Back then, he'd practically invade her house every day to fuck her silly, taking pleasure in dominating her and even making her scream. These days, that passion was long gone and whenever they did have sex, it was just to scratch a proverbial itch.

Tatsuya's lack of a decent response, then, was little surprise to her – though a never-ending source of disappointment in both him and herself.

"…fine. I'll deal with it myself, I guess," she grumped aloud as she continued making dinner – gods knew Tatsuya would never lift a finger to do "women's" work, after all.

Her husband didn't say a word in response to her passive-aggression, further annoying her. Still, she didn't give it much more thought – finding a way to make ends meet was far more pressing. In her mind, she ran through the possibilities – could she ask for more shifts? Unlikely, given that she was already stretched pretty thin as it was. Asking the bank for a loan extension was also out of the question – they were among the fiercest creditors demanding repayment.

She didn't exactly have social contacts to rely on, either – all of her colleagues were in similar positions of poverty and her bosses didn't like her well enough to warrant asking them for that amount of cash. At least, not without expecting something in return, and whatever her lot in life, Akina refused to whore herself out.

Which only really left one option. An option she really didn't want to consider given their strained relationship. Hell, the last time they'd spoken had been years ago – right after the civil wedding was over and they gave her perfunctory congratulations before leaving.

She'd have to ask her parents.

Akina never told Tatsuya what her plan was.

Not only would he not care, but he'd also made it clear at the beginning of their marriage that he wanted nothing to do with her parents given their treatment of him. At the time, she'd agreed because of how hurt she'd felt over the disdain and disgust they'd expressed at her choice in romantic partner. They'd treated her like a lost child making reckless, foolish decisions and that had galled her.

Time had proven her a fool.

As her bus stopped at the familiar stop, she felt a wave of nostalgia sweep over her as she gazed around at her old neighborhood. It looked just as it did back in high school – hell, it might as well have been ripped right out of her memories!

The two-story homes, the residential walls, the clean streets…she even spied students wearing familiar uniforms walking home from school. A few of the students gawked at her, which helped boost her self-confidence a bit. Despite the miserable conditions she and her husband endured, she'd still managed to keep her bombshell looks. It was something of a double-edged sword, however, as it also made her a common target for harassment from customers, colleagues, and even management.

It was a major reason she could never stick around at a part-time gig for too long.

However, Akina would've been lying to herself if she didn't concede that the appreciative looks she received didn't help her feel more secure in her feminine appeal. Tatsuya certainly didn't show it anymore with any regularity!

Thus, with a slightly more confident bounce in her step, she made her way down the road towards her childhood home, stopping in front of its gate.

And immediately her eyes drifted over to the neighboring house.

Kouta's home.

The windows between her room and Kouta's had always been remarkably close by, all things considered. Close enough, in fact, that they could easily chat with each other without having to shout due to distance. In her youth, that closeness had been a pillar of her life – a source of stability and comfort.

Until she'd chosen Tatsuya. Then, that window became closed. Distant. An echo of a potential life long gone.

She'd lost contact with Kouta after graduation. Not immediately, of course – Kouta had always been kind enough to accept her decision to be with Tatsuya even if he didn't approve of it and envied it himself. The problem was that he'd eventually agreed to going overseas on a transfer program and, perhaps karmically, her phone was stolen shortly after – including all of his contact information.

And his family had long refused to associate with her anymore, so asking them, or his friends, was impossible.

She missed him.

The realization hit her like a sack of bricks. Even as she stood there, in front of her own childhood home – ready to beg her parents for money – the simple absence of Kouta from her life hurt her more than any other aspect of her shitty circumstances. Perhaps if he hadn't disappeared from her life, things might've been different. Maybe he could've helped her or Tatsuya get their lives in order. Maybe he could've helped intercede with her family or his own.

Maybe he would've tried again…

She hit the brakes on that line of thought immediately. She'd made her choice. She'd rejected him. Even knowing what Tatsuya was like, she'd still chosen him over Kouta.

It was time to move on.

Taking a deep breath, Akina pressed the intercom next to the front gate and waited for someone to pick up. It took a few seconds, but then a familiar voice she hadn't heard in years rang out.

"Yes?"

Akina closed her eyes and gathered her willpower before answering. "It's me."

There was a long pause and, for a moment, Akina wondered if perhaps – after years of not speaking to each other – her own mother had forgotten what she sounded like.

"…Akina."

Well, it seemed not. "Can we talk?"

Another pause.

"Is…he there with you?"

Akina had to suppress a tolerant smile at the fact that, even after all these years, her parents never got around to getting a video intercom. She also didn't need her mom to elaborate as to who she was talking about.

"No."

There was a soft click as the line went dead and, again for a moment, she wondered if she was being dismissed out of hand. And then the gate buzzed to indicate it'd been opened and Akina, feeling relief, was almost late on the uptake and managed to get in before the buzzer ended.

There was, maybe, just about 5 meters between the gate and the front door, and yet despite taking only a few seconds to cross, it seemed to Akina like the longest distance in her life. Almost as though she were marching to death row.

And then, upon reaching the door, it opened before she was able to knock, her mother – looking much the same as before, but older – standing there.

Akina had always known she'd inherited her looks from her mother, and if her mom's current appearance was anything to go by, she had a bright future ahead of her if she took care of herself.

Which, of course, wasn't going to be possible while in a state of poverty.

For a moment, though, mother and daughter stared at each other in silence at the front door, as though the older woman was debating whether to just chase her away after all. As she turned away, she evidently made her choice.

"Come in."

Years ago, such a lack of warmth in her mother's voice would've made Akina wince or her heart ache. However, all of her parents' disappointment had already been properly conveyed a thousand times over, so there was little they could now do or say to her that hadn't already been said or done.

Steeling her expression, Akina nodded in polite thanks.

"Thank you," she replied as she entered her childhood home, making sure to take off her shoes at the entrance.

As she did, she was surprised to see an unfamiliar pair of men's shoes at among the others. They were too big to be her father's – at least, insofar as her memory recalled – and given her father's shoes' presence, it didn't seem like it belonged to some stranger with whom her mother would be having an affair.

Which meant they had a visitor.

"I can come back if you're busy," she said, nodding at the shoes. Her mother briefly turned around to see what she was motioning at.

"No need," she replied simply. "Come. Your father's in the living room."

A living room. Goodness – how long ago had it been since the last time Akina had lived in a place with a living room? Her current studio apartment, shared with Tatsuya, essentially consisted of a sleeping/eating/living area, a bathroom, and a kitchenette. That was it. It wasn't even technically meant for a married couple, but rather for low-income singles and students.

As they approached the living room, Akina could hear her father's laughter mixed in with that of another person's – a man, as the shoes had suggested. She diligently followed her mother to the living room's entrance and there froze as two things hit her simultaneously.

The first was a horribly familiar voice.

"Honestly, uncle, I really recommend you and auntie go there for your next trip! You'll love it!"

The second was a horribly familiar person. The very last person she expected to see coming here.

Her past made manifest.

"Seriously, the local food is to die…for…"

The man sitting on her parents' couch, clearly regaling her father with stories, drifted off as his eyes met hers and recognition flashed through both of them.

"…Akina?"

Kouta.

"…I didn't expect to see you here."

Kouta snorted as they sat opposite each other in her parents' living room. Her parents had decided to give them time to "catch up" while they went out for "groceries." It was a lame excuse and they knew it, but Akina suspected they'd decided to leap at the opportunity to finally, possibly get the son-in-law they'd always dreamed of.

A horrible part of her sort of hoped for the same.

"Auntie invited me over when she saw me coming back from a run," he explained – which certainly explained why he had a fresh look about him. He'd probably taken a shower less than an hour ago.

A long pause descended between them as the former childhood friends regarded each other. In Kouta's eyes, Akina could see a flurry of suppressed emotions – just as she imagined he might see the same in hers.

"When'd you get back from overseas?" she asked, hoping to put an end to the uncomfortable silence.

"Three years ago."

That hit her in the gut hard. Her childhood friend had been in the country for three years and never once reached out to her! That hurt more than she cared to admit. She'd certainly thought their bond would've been stronger.

"I see."

The words were bit out with clear bitterness, yet in his expression she could find no regret, no shame. He'd simply answered her question.

"You married him," he said simply. "I didn't want to cause a fight."

Akina had to amid that made sense. Tatsuya loathed Kouta. Not because of anything her friend had done – simply because Tatsuya was a jealous beast who hated the idea of another man "muscling in on his territory." And since she and Kouta had shared a very close friendship, Tatsuya had taken every opportunity to rub his relationship with Akina in Kouta's face.

Thus, Kouta keeping his distance actually made sense, in hindsight.

"So…you're working now?"

He nodded in response. "Yeah."

"Can I ask…?"

"Banker," he replied shortly. "Asset management, mostly."

Good grief – that was about as opposite from her situation as one could be. Whereas her deadbeat husband and herself bounced from job to job, here was her childhood friend working as a money manager for people a lot wealthier than them.

The sheer disparity in socioeconomic situation was enough to make her want to cry and run away.

But she held her ground nonetheless because, like it or not, she still had to ask her parents for money. That was non-negotiable – the banks would certainly not wait for her to gather her nerve again.

"Actually, I handle your parents' assets," he added leaning back into the couch and looking around the room. "They hired me after my parents recommended me."

Akina blinked and stared at him in confusion. "Why would they need an asset manager?" she asked. That wasn't the kind of service middle class families like her own would need.

"I gave them a few tips and contacts and it netted your dad a bit of money, so they needed someone to manage and grow it," he replied. "Your parents are doing pretty good, to be honest. They just bought a vacation home in Indonesia."

…while their daughter and only child was practically starving and could barely afford healthcare in turn.

"…How nice."

There was a moment of awkward silence as she felt his gaze rake over her, and for a moment Akina thought he might actually make a move.

And just as quickly, her expectations were dashed.

"…They're not going to lend you the money."

Akina's gaze shot up to meet his. "What?"

He returned her outraged look of surprise with a steely gaze of his own. "They won't lend you the money you need, Akina."

"W-What do you know?!" she exclaimed, shooting up to her feet. "How dare you!"

"I'm their banker," he replied flatly. "Even if they say they'll think about it, the decision will ultimately be consulted with me, and I'll tell them the truth – that it's a bad investment."

Akina stared at her old childhood friend like it was the first time she'd ever seen him in her life. Who was this person sitting before her, coldly asserting that he was going to cut her off from the only lifeline she still had left? Where was the boy who'd promised to stand by her side and hear her out when her workaholic parents weren't willing to?

"Your husband is a liability, Akina," he continued, either unaware or uncaring of the emotional toll he was inflicting on her. "Your parents talk about you and your situation a lot, and as their banker, I had my firm look into you and your husband to make sure you wouldn't be a financial burden on them."

He clasped his hands and brought them up to his face. "But you are. Both of you."

"Is…Is this about what happened in high school?!" she demanded, marching up to him and grabbing him by the shirt. He offered no resistance as he stared her down.

"That was nine years ago," he replied flatly, unmoved by the sudden act of aggression. "And if you think I've been pining away all this time…don't flatter yourself."

He raised his left hand, where she saw – much to her horror and shock – a golden band around the base of his fourth finger.

"As you can see, I'm married."

Akina's grip slackened as she stumbled back into her chair and stared at him – her despair clear on her face. A treacherous part of her had hoped – hoped – that perhaps Kouta was somewhere out there, still in love with her, willing to come galloping to her rescue despite what she'd done to him, despite how tainted she was.

All of those hopes came crashing down.

"W…whe…"

"About five years ago, right after I came back from college, but before we moved overseas for a while for work," Kouta answered calmly as he straightened his shirt. "To Hiyori. We've even got a kid – a little girl."

Kikuchi. Their classmate – the one Akina had always thought would be a better match for Kouta than herself.

"So…I was right…"

"If that's what you choose to believe," he said indifferently as he folded his hands on his lap. "Regardless, the point is that, as your parents' banker, I cannot in good conscience recommend that they give you any money. Neither you nor your husband have a stable income, and even if they did loan you the necessary funds, it would only meet your outstanding obligations for this month. By next month, you and your husband would still be unable to make ends meet and, according to our investigation, you are likely to be evicted within two months' time. A bad investment overall."

Akina had no idea if Kouta was telling the truth, but the fact was that it sounded about right. She'd been keeping track of her savings and Tatsuya's, and the rate at which they'd been dwindling was alarming – to the point where they couldn't make ends meet this month, meaning that they'd be in default by next month without this loan.

So that made the two-month eviction timetable pretty accurate.

"We…we just need more time!" she insisted desperately. "If we could just find a steady job!"

Kouta actually sighed at her. "And who would hire you?" he asked rhetorically. "Neither of you have any qualifications for anything better than temp work at this time! You haven't even attempted to enroll in basic certification programs!"

He crossed his arms. "Face it, Akina – at this point, you're both each other's dead weight."

He was right. The more Kouta spoke, the more Akina came to realize he was right. No amount of money her parents gave her was going to dig her out of the financial and socioeconomic black hole she and Tatsuya had dug themselves into. It would just put off their descent to rock bottom just a little longer.

And the realization of all of that finally did it.

It broke her.

Her cheeks moistened as tears began to flow freely as the realization of her enormous financial burden hit her like a truck. It became exacerbated as she recognized that Tatsuya would be no help – likely having realized it already himself and having abandoned any hope of improvement. Or maybe he just didn't care enough or realize it. Whatever the case, no help was coming from him.

Which left her only one option at this point. She grasped at her face to hide her shame and tears as her shoulders shook with each suppressed sob.

"H…Help…me…Kouta…please…!" she cried. "I…I don't know what to do!"

Kouta said nothing as he watched her sob in her parents' living room. He stared at her for a long time before sighing and uncrossing his arms, digging into his pocket, and retrieving a mobile phone.

"Give me a sec."

Given that he stepped away to make the call, Akina couldn't quite hear what he said. All she could see between her tears was Kouta calmly talking and seemingly giving orders before making another call, where she saw his expression soften considerably.

Ah. Kikuchi.

He was calling his wife.

A pang of jealousy rushed through her as she saw the loving expression on his face. When was the last time she'd seen something like that aimed at her? Even back in high school, Tatsuya had never looked at her with such tenderness. He was, in a way, incapable of it – his personality was too aggressive, pushy, and even when he smiled, it held an undercurrent of tension and danger. He seemed to believe that to be a man he had to act like a predator.

Kouta's smile, on the other hand, was one of affection and tenderness – of love and compassion. There was no danger or pushiness in his behavior or appearance. Unlike her muscle-bound husband, Kouta was lean, like a runner, but the self-assuredness and confidence he exuded undermined any misconceptions that he would be a pushover. As he spoke over the phone, she could see him be decisive without needing to look like he was about to break someone's face if disobeyed.

It was truly fascinating, on some level, how the two most important, non-related men in her life comprised such a diametrically opposed duality in personality, in appearance, and in overall success.

The "alpha male" had turned out to be a deadbeat layabout, while the "beta male" had become a successful banker. The "manly" man had become a bored husband who treated sex and time spent with her as a chore now, while the "unmanly" man not only had a beautiful wife, but also a kid.

The train of thought endured as he finished his calls and came back, staring her down for a moment before sighing again and rubbing his forehead.

He paused. "…I can help you," he eventually told her.

Akina's eyes widened and she was about to jump up to hug him when he raised his hand haltingly.

"But just you."

Akina blinked. "W-What? What do you mean?"

"Once upon a time, you were my closest friend and the love of my life, Akina," he reminded her. "In honor of that, I'm willing to help you, and my wife agrees."

He then poked her just beneath the clavicle. "But not him. I don't owe that bastard anything and I don't mind seeing him wallow in poverty!" he hissed. "And it turns out your family and mine agree on this point. So that's our condition. If you want our help, ditch your husband."

Akina was again surprised by the turn of events, but only momentarily. In truth, she should've seen this coming from the moment she found out that Kouta had been visiting her parents today.

She'd thought, naively, that her parents had left her with Kouta to reignite the sparks between them. It was only after all of this that she realized how wrong she was – it hadn't been to spark anything, but rather to lay down an ultimatum as she hit rock bottom: either leave Tatsuya and start over or go down with him over her own stubborn pride.

Her parents didn't have the nerve to do it themselves, so they'd outsourced it to Kouta.

"Well?"

Akina swallowed nervously. Kouta was putting her on the spot and the truth was that, despite how easy the choice was, it really wasn't. She was loathe to leave Tatsuya – hell, she'd considered it over the years after it became obvious what a dead-end relationship theirs was, but each time she'd been about to pack her bags and walk out, her old complexes came to the fore.

Tatsuya had told her he loved her. Tatsuya had stuck by her when her family effectively cut her out of their lives. Tatsuya had married her. Tatsuya was still waiting for her back at their ratty apartment. Despite his growing ambivalence, Tatsuya was still the one lusting for her and making her feel good during sex.

Could she really walk away from him given all that?

In fairness, he was also the one responsible for her family cutting her off – him and his aggressive, pseudo-dominant attitude. His misbehavior had gotten him fired and his subsequent laziness had led to their poverty despite her best attempts at helping him work through his anger issues. His attention was increasingly less on her and more on indulging himself, and despite his physique remaining largely intact, she no longer felt the same level of attraction she once did.

"We need an answer, Akina."

A million thoughts ran through her mind as she desperately tried to figure out what to do.

A million thoughts, but no easy answers.

Then, all at once, the thoughts stopped as she focused on one and made her choice.

It was fortunate, Akina reflected, that Mai was such a heavy sleeper.

Otherwise, it would've been extremely awkward for Akina to have to explain to the little girl why her parents' bedroom was causing such "weird" noises.

Akina sighed as she stared up at the ceiling, her five-year-old charge sleeping soundly against her chest. She could clearly hear, even now, the sounds of Hiyori and Kouta having wild, passionate sex – which was, as she'd come to learn, par for the course for Thursday Date Night – just two rooms over.

It felt, in many ways, like divine punishment.

A year ago, after Kouta had laid down his ultimatum on behalf of her family, his own, and himself, Akina had chosen to ultimately take the deal. Within a week, she had left Tatsuya, leaving behind only signed divorce papers and a mailing address, and hadn't looked back.

To avoid possible issues, her departure was timed to take place while he was at work.

To her great disappointment, the papers came back signed within two days. Evidently, he had chosen not to put up a fight, further cementing her belief that the Tatsuya that had once dominated her life was gone – or perhaps that had been a mirage all along.

Regardless, the decision gained her re-entry into her family home, and true to his word, Kouta had arranged for her debts to be covered so she'd have a fresh start. However, that still left her unemployed, as missing shifts to leave her husband hadn't gone over well with her former employers.

Consequently, Hiyori had convinced Kouta to hire her as their daughter's nanny.

And therein began her nightmare.

Mai was a wonderful little girl. She had her mother's classical beauty and graceful disposition and her father's warm and amiable temperament. When she'd been first introduced to Akina, the little girl had practically bounded over to her and immediately accepted her into her life, much like Kouta had when they were children. Every day, Mai wanted to be around her and play with her, even dragging her along to the park to get Akina to play with her friends!

As a live-in nanny, Akina also got to see Mai's home life and how enviably great it was. Hiyori, it turned out, was essentially the perfect wife. Confident, skillful, loving, and present for her husband and daughter despite being a working mother. Kouta, too, made sure to keep decent hours in order to spend quality time with his family, and Akina was often treated to incredibly heart-warming family dinners and scenes of Kouta and Hiyori playing with their daughter in the living room.

It was hellish…and Akina suspected Hiyori of having planned this out, but she had no proof.

At least, not until, reaching the breaking point, she'd asked Hiyori why she'd even pushed to hire her given how present she and Kouta were for Mai.

"Because I hate you, Akina," the beautiful woman told her simply with a smile, stunning Akina. "As grateful as I am for how great you are with Mai and how pleasant your company has been here in our home, make no mistake – I hate you for what you did to Kouta."

"W-What I did?"

Hiyori's smile never faded, which made the look in her eyes all the more intimidating. "After you chose to be with that sorry excuse for an anthropomorphic trash can, do you know how long it took for Kouta to even look at another woman?" she asked cheerfully. "Two years. Two years where, no matter how hard I tried to be there for him, he could not get you out of his heart. You were his world, Akina, and you shattered it almost beyond repair. I'll never forgive that."

"B-But then…"

"Why hire you?" Hiyori pre-empted. "Because I want you to see what you lost. What I won," she stressed before looking over at her innocent, unaware daughter with a loving smile. "Had you been patient, or chosen to take the initiative, Mai would've been your daughter. This would've been your home," she gestured at the house around them. "And you would've been me."

Hiyori's confession had very nearly led Akina to quit. The woman's hatred of her was now so self-evident that every time she organized a wholesome family event, Akina couldn't help but see the underlying taunt in her actions.

But she stayed. She endured the subtle humiliation and reproach. She endured the token pity and permission to participate in their family. Why? Because some part of her agreed that she did, indeed, deserve this. After all, that had been the main reason for no longer waiting for Kouta in the first place – that she simply wasn't good enough for him.

And yet, even as she now lay in Mai's bed hearing Hiyori getting sent to cloud nine by Kouta, she couldn't get the woman's confession out of her head. A choice – a simple choice of going for the first person who confessed to her, regardless of her own feelings, had led her down this path. It hadn't been a matter of metaphysical forces or destiny.

It was choice.

She had chosen to give Tatsuya a chance simply because he asked first. And she had paid the price for that. Because happiness doesn't always come from the first option – rather, it's about waiting for the right one.