A lost battle

Colin

"Hi,'' she says slowly as I come into view. Her eyes light up and all the thoughts of not wanting her swarm my brain. I hate this so much. I hate that I am here against my will.

She is ours.

My wolf pipes in. clouding my judgement.

It is not confirmed.

I retort.

"Hi Ashina," I say, as I take a seat on the ground next to her as she stretches her legs, trying to touch me. I shift away from her on reflex because I am not ready to know what she is seeking. She wants to know if what she feels is true. If there is actually something between us, all I want to do is leave.

"I don't think I can stay for long, I've got some work stuff to deal with,'' I tell her immediately, wanting to leave this place.

"Oh, you work?'' she asks with a small smile.

"Yeah, at a local startup company. It's not a big deal, but it gets me out of the community."

"'That's so cool. Most people in my community, live off preexisting wealth. I have just never seen anyone that has a life outside of the pack,' she blurts out, with too much interest in me and my life.

"Thanks, I guess."

"You are acting weird. I know you don't know why I asked you to meet me, but you must have an idea. You have to feel the things I feel. "

"I don't know what you're talking about."

I don't want to acknowledge whatever this is between us. My wolf might want her, but I am more than a werewolf. I don't want her the way she wants me.

"Touch me, Colin, touch me."

There is certainty in her eyes. She is so sure that it will all happen from this touch, and i feel like i am dying on the inside. Devastation fills me like water in a glass. Her words are like a noose around my neck, struggling to kill me. I asked for this. I prayed to the goddess for so long for my mate, and now that it is here, I don't want it anymore.

I want what I already have with Lo.

It makes no sense, but I want him more than I have ever wanted anyone, and that scares the shit out of me.

I move my hands away from hers and the disappointment flashed in her eyes. "You cannot know for sure."

She nods, "That's why I want you to touch me. You will know when you do.''

She is calling me out for my refusal, but I don't even want to think about that now. I don't want to know this.

I stand up in a hurry to escape from her, but she is fast as she grabs my hand in hers, I don't expect her grip, but it is the most haunting feeling ever. Her eyes are open, and they shine brighter than the sun. I feel it instantly as she holds me tighter.

You will know when you find the one.

I feel everything and a thousand more.

My heart stops in my chest, and my legs feel weak. My stomach lurches, my pulse races, everything happens at once, and suddenly, I am clutching onto her tightly. My grip is getting tighter.

*****

"Come here,'' I pull her into my arms. She is dressed in all white, the blonde in her hair glowing brightly under the sun. "You are mine now,'' I hear my voice, but that doesn't sound like something i would say.

"I am yours,'' she breathes out before she presses her lips to mine. The kiss holds me like nothing has ever before, and I don't want to let go. I want her with me for the rest of my life.

*****

I let go of her hand and she was still watching me with that same certainty. The one she has been carrying since I came to meet her. I know what I felt, I know what I just saw, and if I had any doubt in my mind, it is gone now. She is my mate. She is the one that has been chosen for me by the goddess.

"You felt it too, right?'' she mutters with too much excitement.

She knew before I did and it almost seems like she is too happy that it is me. I didn't really think about who I wanted it to be when I was seeking, but now that I don't know anymore.

"We can't be sure,'' I refute, desperate to just stop her from thinking this.

"I am sure. I felt it all. I know what I feel,'' she moves closer and I watch her as she tries to grab my hand in hers.

"Ashina, can we just think about this? This is too much for me." I take a deep breath because it feels like I am fighting something more than this mating.

"You don't want me?" Tears well up in her eyes. I feel pain and sadness coming out of her and I want to reach out and make her feel better. My wolf springs out from the sight of her sadness, and i feel myself losing that control again. I bring my face close to hers, close enough to almost kiss her and I can smell her and feel it. I know she wants me, I can feel it. Every cell in my body yearns to have her and I can't hold back any longer. My mind is in a battle with my heart. My wolf is taking all the control and making me do this even though I don't want to.

How does this even make sense?

"It's okay," I rest my forehead on hers as the tears start to fall.

My heart aches and I know deep down that there is no fighting this. No matter how I want to look at this, there is no way I can push her away. She is the one I am destined to be with and there is no point chasing Lowell and hoping for things that are not there.

I might have just won my mate but it feels like I have lost every other part of me.