[80.4] Astra POV: Everyone Deals with Grief Differently

[Author's note: This part of the chapter is from Astra's point of view.]

I slammed my hands against the door until they were blistered, "Rose… Please… Open up…"

"GO AWAY!" She cried back, "I JUST WANT KOALE BACK!"

I could still hear the soft whimpers of my mother crying as Moni held her.

Lene was standing in the middle of the courtyard, looking confused. "When are Koale and Sissy getting back?"

Atta just shook her hand and squeezed Lene's hand. Atta may be a bit out of touch when it comes to emotions, but she always understood that death made a person disappear forever.

I heard my mother collapse, the emotions too unbearable for her. Moni picked her up with a grave expression and carried her to her room without a word. I pulled myself from Rose's door, turning back to the courtyard.

Atta left behind a confused Lene, walking out of the courtyard and to the direction of her training grounds. I found her actions to be incredibly cold while I watched her leave.

I know she was raised to be a soldier, but why is she acting like they were nothing to her?

Can't she at least show emotion?!

Pushing down my anger, I walked over to Lene and grabbed her hand. I ceased my baby voice to talk to her in my normal tone, "Isn't it past your bedtime? Aren't you tired?"

She stood there, still looking confused, "I guess… I am?"

I led her to her web and watched as she transformed into a spider and crawled into a corner. Seeing her close her numerous eyes, I left to go check on everyone else. They had now all scattered, dealing with their grief in different ways.

I stood in the now abandoned courtyard, feeling my eyes sting.

I shoved down the feeling and wiped away a single tear. I heard a noise from the kitchen and went to check it out. Inside, I saw my brother gathering materials.

I bit down on my lip, "Moni?"

His hands paused, "...I'm… Cooking Lovi's favorite."

"Ah… Do you… Want to talk about it?"

"...I'm fine."

"But-"

"Astra." His voice was abnormally harsh, "I said I'm fine."

I flinched, finding his manner of speech and actions completely different than how he usually is.

He's like a different person…

Seeing that he didn't want to turn around and face me, I realized he too needed to be alone. I gave a nod, "I'm here if you ever want to talk."

"...Thanks, sleepy one." He straightened up his back, "But I'm fine."

I stared at him for a moment, watching as he resumed cooking. Knowing that it would be better to leave him alone, I walked around the courtyard, holding my chest. Stopping in front of Mama's room, I slowly opened the door. I whispered, "Mama?"

She was curled up in bed, looking at the wall and not moving. I approached her bedside, pulling out a blanket and covering her. I couldn't see her face, but I knew it was probably twisted in pain. I tucked the hair behind her ear and whispered, "Astra still believes Mama is the best Mama in the world."

I gave her a gentle kiss, making sure not to wake her up. Then I pulled the shades down and left the room to give her peace. 

After I checked up on everyone, I headed to the training grounds to give Atta a piece of my mind. However, I stopped when I saw the destroyed training dummies lying in pieces everywhere.

Atta was fighting with such ferocity, destroying all of the training dummies Mama so painstakingly made to withstand her fury.

Maybe she does feel something.

I returned back to the courtyard, afraid that Atta might see me as a training dummy. Standing in the center of the courtyard, I was painfully aware of how unbearably silent it was. All of the emotions I put to the side came rushing back now that I didn't have anything to distract me.

Don't cry.

Don't cry.

As tears started to form, it was replaced by a foreign and overwhelming sense of fear. I gripped my chest, breathing hard as my heart raced uncontrollably. 

Wait. 

Where's Zephyr?!

I sprinted to his room and threw open the door. My heart crashed when I realized he wasn't in his room.

Just before I could cry out for him, my head suddenly felt like it was cracked open by a hatchet.

I collapsed, holding my head as the pain was drilled in, giving me the sensation that someone was pulling out my brain piece by piece.

"Zep…. Phy…"

Zephyr is in trouble!

My eyes started fluttering, threatening to close.

No…

I can't… Fall asleep…

I collapsed to my hands and forced myself to crawl, "Moni… Help…"

Asmonious heard this and ran out of the kitchen. He pulled me into his arms, "What's wrong?"

As my eyes closed beyond my control, I whispered, "Zepphy… In… Trouble…"