Chapter 43

He agreed and we walked to my home in silence.

“I’ll toss your jacket in the dryer.” Inside the apartment, I turned the corner lamp on and took his coat. “And your socks?”

“What if I stayed here for the night?” He sat down on the couch with a blank look in his eyes. He stared out into space. “I could call her right now and tell her I’m here and spending the night with you.”

I sat on the coffee table, facing him, and took his hands in mine. “Your hands are frozen. And you’re exhausted. You need to stop thinking.”

“Am I allowed to feel things even if they disgust or hurt others? I can’t put my heart through the sausage machine, right? Can’t make it obey like a good little tin soldier, now can I? I tried, you know? I did the things they told me, and walked the road they pointed to, and look at where I am today.”

“Where are you today?”

“In fucking hell, Allan.”

“It’s that bad?”

“Worse.”