Adrift ll

-- MONDAY, MAY 23, 2005, SUMMER BREAK --

I awoke with my usual morning hard-on. My eyes were still closed, but I felt my girlfriend's presence against my chest, and a wave of pure bliss spread across my body.

Just when I'd hit rock bottom, just when my world could get no worse, she'd come back to me. I didn't care how. I didn't care why. All that mattered was that she was here.

This was heaven.

The morning air was cold against my right cheek, the pillow reassuringly warm against my left. I snuggled deeper into the covers and their cocooning heat while pressing my chest against her back, covered only by a thin layer of cotton. As my senses came alive, the fingers of my left hand reflexively squeezed the large breast I was currently palming as my left arm snaked beneath her pillow to hold her from the opposite side. My right hand firmed up over her hip, gently holding her in place while I reflexively ground my erection into her panty-covered ass.

Just another morning, the way things should always be. Just me and the girl I loved. With my eyes still closed, I squeezed her just a little tighter, a hug of affection. But the pleasant affection soon gave way to primal lust, as fond memories of the many, many times we had made morning love percolated in my brain. So breathing deeply, I let my head roll forward to push my nose into her hair, smelling her sweet fragrance. And I exhaled softly as my body warmed up to make my erotic dreams into reality.

"Ben," Adrienne said quietly.

"Hmm?" I mumbled, still not fully awake just yet. But as her voice made its way into my brain, I froze completely. My left hand was still clamped down around her left breast. My right was flat against her pelvis, between her right hip and her crotch. And my eyes remained tightly shut.

I'm dreaming, I realized. Dawn isn't really here. There's no way she would have come back to you, and more to point, you're fantasizing that you're with Adrienne. Something's not right, and any second now, you're going to realize that you're hugging nothing but air and trying to kiss a pillow.

She rotated in my grasp, a mirthful chuckle sounding in front of me. I dared not open my eyes, but I soon felt her hands sliding across my chest and a finger rubbing across my lips. A second later, Adrienne's nuclear kiss exploded in my brain, and I felt myself being pushed onto my back as she moved into a dominant position over me.

Oh, fucking hell this feels nice...

When she pulled away for air, I finally opened my eyes and stared up into the face of a goddess. Adrienne really was here, really in this bed with me, and she had just given me the Kiss of Life.

Really, I felt like a computer that had been on standby, simply existing on minimal power, and Adrienne had pushed the button to raise me from near death. Little trickles of electricity coursed their way across every nerve in my body, awakening the strength in my limbs all the way from the tips of my fingers to the ends of my toes. I took a deep breath, my lungs filling with life-giving oxygen. And I felt so happy to wake up and find Adrienne in bed with me that I smiled so big that my cheeks hurt.

"Ohmigawd," I gasped. "Are you really here?"

She grinned down at me. "Really, really." And then she kissed me again.

Adrienne moved with direct purpose from that point on. She didn't stop to ask me what I wanted, and she didn't give me any room to protest. Her hands were inside my shirt, sliding across my chest while she squeezed my pec muscles. Her tongue dipped in and out of my mouth before pulling away so that she could nuzzle my neck. And just when I started to get used to that sensation, she pulled away so she could rip my shirt over my head.

I briefly thought about saying something, but the instant I opened my mouth, her index finger was on my lips, silently telling me to shush. Straddling my waist, she sat up and whipped her thin negligee over her head, baring those incredible, gravity-defying 36F tits to my gaze. I gawked like a 14-year-old boy blinded by those beauties, and then Adrienne had a free fifteen seconds to bend down and remove the rest of my clothing while I was still stuck in my stupor.

The second time I thought about saying something, she sucked my cock into her mouth, causing the stray thought to evaporate instantly. I was at a loss for what to say as she sucked me with the power of a Dyson vacuum. And by the time she deep-throated me, I simply lost the ability to coherently think.

The next thing I knew, Adrienne had mounted me, humping her body up and down in a luscious rhythm that caused her big swaying tits to gyrate quite spectacularly. She threw her head back and moaned like a porn star before pitching forward and smiling with both her eyes and her mouth as her bright hazel irises flared with an inner golden glow.

My hands went up to her shoulders, holding them as she continued to undulate her body atop my cock. Sitting up straight then, she put her hands behind her head and stared at the ceiling as she rapidly pumped herself up and down, causing her tits to jiggle and slap together before she found a consistent rhythm and they began to sway together in big orbital circles.

I simply HAD to get my face into those tits, and I sat up to press my nose between them. Adrienne brought her head back so that she could kiss my forehead as I smothered myself in heavenly mammary flesh. She cradled my head in her arms while continuing to gyrate in my lap. And I moaned happily as this gorgeous creature made love to me.

"So fucking big," Adrienne whimpered with her eyes closed as she humped herself on my pole. "I almost forgot how much I love doing this with you."

"Mrf," I mumbled in reply, my mouth still covered in titflesh.

Adrienne whimpered and cried as she fucked herself to a nice climax, grimacing and groaning as the orgasmic ecstasy overtook her. She slowed down after that, panting for breath as she came to a halt on top of me. And then it was my turn to drive.

I rolled us over with enough careless abandon that my cock dislodged from her pussy. Adrienne didn't resist, however, as I spread her knees to the sides and re-inserted Tab A into Slot B. And she giggled happily as I braced myself with my hands beside her shoulders and really began laying the wood to her.

"Oh, gawd ... oh, gawd ... oh, gawd..." Adrienne moaned in time with my thrusts. Her eyes glittered and she grinned while encouraging me on. "Fuck me, Tiger. Fuck me."

I fucked her. The sexual part of me had gone dormant in last few days, along with nearly every other impulse that drove me. I had lacked any sort of desire, not for good food, for entertainment, or even for sex. I simply hadn't cared what happened in my life except for the basic necessities to survive another day. But now as I stared down at this naked goddess beneath me, I found that I WANTED to fuck the shit out of her.

I didn't lose control. I didn't let the sexual creature take over. This wasn't about forgetting, about drowning my sorrows away in a sea of hedonistic excess.

At the same time, I didn't overthink the situation. Yeah, I had a lot of questions. How did Adrienne get here? When did she get here? And why? Those questions could wait. They weren't important right now. All that mattered at the moment were her pleasure and my own.

Like always, we didn't need any playbooks. I didn't need a manual to guide me. Adrienne and I just operated in harmony. I fucked her. She fucked me back. And we both spiraled higher and higher into blissful pleasure. There was no hurry to our movements. There was no conscious thought about how to best satisfy our partner. Together, Adrienne and I simply moved.

"Fuuuuuuuuuuuuck!!!" Adrienne yelled, screaming until her breath gave out. And after a deep inhalation, she simply started screaming "Fuuuuuuuuuuck!!!" again.

I grunted and dug my toes into the mattress, using what little grip I had to fling myself harder and deeper into her spasming cunt. Adrienne came to a second and third orgasm in quick succession, her internal muscles milking me for my creamy white spunk. But still I hammered her harder and harder.

"FUCK ME, TIGER!" Adrienne howled to whoever cared to listen. "FUCK ME AND FILL ME! I'M CUMMING AGAIN! I'M CUMMING AGAIN!"

"Unnnnnnnnnngh!" I groaned from the strain. My ab muscles burned, out of shape from lack of recent exercise.

"FUUUUUUCK!" she yelled, her head flipping side to side beneath me as she detonated into a fourth orgasm. Her whole body rippled beneath me, like a rolling earthquake that passed from her head across her torso and down to her legs. Her knees clamped together with my body in between them, her powerful thighs pinching in against my hips. But still I didn't slow down.

"FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!" she shrieked. "CUM INSIDE ME! CUM UNTIL I CAN TASTE IT! CUMMMMM!!!"

At last I burst, howling a returning scream so loud my throat was instantly raw. I actually felt my cock shudder from the recoil of a gallon of sperm blasting through my shaft and into Adrienne's body. I hadn't orgasmed in days, and my balls were used to producing at least 3 loads every 24 hours. So I'd built up quite the reservoir, and immediately my testicles felt sore from finally releasing their heavy load.

"CUMMMMM!!!" Adrienne shrieked again as she felt me hosing down her innards.

My vision swirled and little spots began to appear in front of my eyes. Without consciously doing it, I was holding my breath as I fired wave after wave after wave of spunk into Adrienne's clasping cunt. And just when I thought I could stop and breathe, my balls squeezed another load out of me.

"FUCK!" Adrienne finally jerked, her orgasm abating. She clutched my sweaty back in her arms, picking her head up when I collapsed on top of her big upright tits. And finally, I felt the last drizzles of my spunk leak out of me.

Gasping desperately, I felt paralyzed on top of Adrienne's body. My face was squished against her tits, and I realized that if this were the end, it was a pretty damn good way to go. My heart was pounding in my chest so hard it was painful. And my lungs screamed desperately for oxygen.

But for the first time in a long time, I felt truly ... happy.

"Oh, fuck, Tiger..." Adrienne gasped, still clutching me against her. "I know you want to talk, but we have GOT to do that again!"

Deciding that I could put off any questions a little longer, Adrienne and I indeed did it again. After blowing me back to hardness, which included a very enjoyable interlude of sliding my torpedo-hard pecker through the valley of her lush mountain cleavage, she wanted me to fuck her fast and dirty doggy-style.

I was only too happy to oblige, grabbing her hips and slamming my pelvic bone against her buttcheeks while my cock sawed in and out of her from behind. With my hands on those wobbly tits, I pounded her to a quick orgasm before backing off, sliding my fingers through her mane of hair, and using those long locks like reins to really ride this filly. We both came to screaming orgasms, Adrienne bucking so hard she nearly threw me off. And then we collapsed forward across the bed, my body crushing hers beneath me as my cock slowly squirted out the last few drops of jizz into her already saturated pussy.

"Oh, gawd..." I wheezed, totally and utterly spent. "Adrienne, I love you."

With her face half-mashed into the pillow, she giggled and sighed. "I love you too, Tiger."

Humming happily, I kissed the back of her head and cuddled myself around her body. And for the second time this weekend, I mumbled, "Will you marry me?"

Adrienne just barked out laughing, and she started to roll onto her back, which pitched me over to the side. Reversing direction, Adrienne then rolled back the other way so that she could face me. And with her smiling face on the pillow beside me and those hazel eyes sparkling, I thought for a second she might actually say 'yes'.

"Tiger ... Ben ... We've been over this. I'm not the wife/mother-type."

My face fell.

"You can't fall in love with me again. Not right now."

"But-"

"No buts. I love you, and I'll always love you. But we're not like that anymore. I'm ... your sister. And I like things that way."

"But you're not really my sister. And we could be so happy together. I mean, just now the sex was-"

"Spectacular," she interrupted. "Sex has never been our problem. But I'm not going to give you the kids and family you want."

I pursed my lips. "I'm not asking that of you right now. Maybe not ever. Please, I need you. I love you. And-"

"Shhh..." Adrienne put a finger to my lips. She raised her eyebrows and stared at me intently, almost daring me to disobey her. But I remained quiet, and eventually she took the finger away. "You're not going to fall in love with me again, okay? This is classic rebound behavior. I saw you do it with DJ after I broke up with you freshman year, and you're doing it again right now."

"No, I really..." My voice trailed off. She was right, even if I didn't want to admit it right now. I took a deep breath, and then let it out slowly. And when my exhalation finally gave out, I frowned and admitted, "Okay, maybe I am."

"It's not your fault. I know this whole thing with Dawn has really scrambled your head." She sighed and shook her head disapprovingly. "Really, sometimes I think that girl is more fucked up than you."

"Dawn is perfect," I barked defensively. "If anything went wrong in this relationship, it's because I didn't do the things I needed to do to-"

"Hey!" Adrienne snapped her fingers in front of my face. "Wake up. The girl left you. And from everything Brooke told me, this time it wasn't your fault."

"But-"

"No 'buts'. Dawn broke your heart, and you may want to justify her actions with some kind of self-loathing. But the reality is that Dawn is her own person, and what she did had way more to do with her than it does with you."

"You can't know that. You weren't even here," I half-snarled.

Adrienne glared at me, raising her eyebrows again. "I didn't have to be. It's the story of every relationship."

I put my hand to my face, rubbing my eyes and rolling onto my back. Sighing heavily, I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to force the demonic thoughts away. I'd been fighting them for days already.

"Hey ... it's okay..." Adrienne soothed. "You'll get through this."

I snorted, thinking of how I'd been attempting to get through this so far. I either shut myself in like a demented hermit, or made snap proposals to girls who really cared for me. Speaking of which... "I'm sorry about asking you to marry me. That's not a fair thing to ask you while I'm in a state like this."

Adrienne snorted and shook her head. "Don't worry about it. It's only my thirty-somethingth proposal."

I arched an eyebrows. "Seriously?"

Adrienne nodded. "Two in high school, another two in college. One of them was from a drunken frat guy on his way home from a party who I'd never met before. He just ran across the street and dropped to one knee at the mere sight of me."

I looked up and down her spectacular naked body. "Makes sense."

Adrienne giggled. "The other twenty or thirty have been in the last year. Especially after the Sports Illustrated thing came out."

I chuckled and shook my head mournfully. "Speaking of which, aren't you supposed to have a full-time bodyguard?"

Adrienne shrugged. "Sure. He's probably just outside the door jerking off to the sounds of us having sex."

My eyebrows popped wide. "WHAT?"

Adrienne laughed, finally breaking her completely straight face. "I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Yeah, I've got a bodyguard around me quite a bit. But most of the time, I just dress up incognito and walk around like anyone else. With oversized glasses, baggy clothes, and my hair tucked away, no one really recognizes me. In those situations, a bodyguard would actually attract more attention."

"Oh."

Adrienne shrugged and smiled.

My forehead furrowed. "So ... How DID you get here?"

"Oh, I flew in last night. Brooke called and told me what happened. She told me you'd ordered everyone to stay away, even her and Brandi. But everyone knows I'm not going to listen to you."

"Hey!"

"What, are you complaining about what we just did? Twice?"

I blushed. Shaking my head wryly, I grinned. "Stubborn like always. You always think you know what's best for me, even if I'm disagreeing right to your face."

Adrienne gave me her best innocent look, not easy since she looked dangerously seductive pretty much all the time. "That's because I DO."

We both laughed.

"Anyway, I did my incognito thing to fly out here and caught a cab to the house. I still have my key, and you weren't answering the doorbell. Actually, it took a little effort to find you. I was expecting you upstairs, and I worried that you weren't home." She rolled onto her back, letting those proud melons jut upright into the air, their massive weight pulling them to the sides a bit. Staring at the ceiling, Adrienne sighed, "This sure brings back memories. I can't believe my vanity is still over there."

I chuckled, remembering the days when we shared this room – and this bed – together. "Hey, I give you only the highest quality product."

Adrienne smiled, reaching over and patting my prick. "That you do."

I glanced past her ear to the clock on the nightstand, finding that it wasn't even 8am yet. And as I felt the nerves in my dick coming alive beneath her petting hand, I smiled a crooked grin at her. "Can we do one more?"

Adrienne's eyes glittered. "You've got time? It's Monday. Don't you have an internship to go to?"

I winced momentarily, then smiled again as I remembered. "Yeah, but my new boss told us to arrive at 10am this first day, so that he can get all of his own Monday crap in order first."

"But Palo Alto is still an hour's drive away."

I blinked and shrugged. "We can be fast."

Adrienne giggled and then rolled back to the nightstand, muttering, "What are the chances ... YES!"

"Huh?" I wondered.

Adrienne slammed the drawer shut and rolled back to me, proudly holding up a tube of Astroglide. "DJ must have left it behind," she said excitedly. "Take me around the world, Tiger?"

"For you, anytime."

The drive to Palo Alto actually took an hour and ten minutes. But since Adrienne and I managed to finish fucking, showering, and shoving me out the door by 8:45, that actually worked out okay. I was more worried about subsequent days, when I'd be driving in the middle of rush hour and the traffic promised to be much, much worse.

I was a little nervous about my first day. Really, this would be my first corporate job, after taking the summer off post-freshman year and then working for Professor Isakova last summer. I didn't know what to expect, but Viktoriya had drilled me over and over again about behaving in a professional manner. So with the confidence of believing that nothing on the other side of the main doors could be more intimidating than Professor Ice, I walked into the lobby.

"Ben! Hey! Over here!"

Turning to the voice, I smiled and relaxed as I saw Amir Shadkam waving me over. We'd already met during the interview process, and I was relieved to see a familiar face.

"Good to see you. I'm glad you all made it," he said, gesturing to the other two young men beside him. "Ben, let me introduce your fellow interns: Hieu Dao and Keith Myers."

I smiled, reaching my hand out to shake while suppressing a grin. Adrienne had sent me out the door with the comment that with my luck, the other two interns would both be hot chicks I could hit on. Clearly, that sort of luck had now passed.

But no worries. This would be much easier for me to handle. The absolute LAST thing I wanted this summer was to meet some gorgeous stranger who would spin my head around. I needed time to get over the break-up. I needed space to collect myself. And I would be able to focus on my job much better this way.

Maybe I could actually have a boring, uneventful summer.

Wouldn't that be nice?

It was just after 5pm when we wrapped up our first day of work. The morning had been spent getting familiarized with BioGen. The four of us had gone out to lunch, with Amir expensing it to the company. And then we'd spent the entire afternoon setting up our project for the summer. Hieu was the Engineer, Keith was the Biologist, and I was the one supposed to lead us into a prospective business plan that the company could potentially incorporate into its future global strategy. It was a longshot that we would actually achieve something, and they were paying us a fairly high wage. But ultimately, the three of us interns were still a very cheap way to explore the very undefined landscape of bioengineering futures.

I had just gotten into my car and was steeling myself for the long drive back to Berkeley through rush hour traffic when my cell phone went off. Presuming it was one family member or another calling to see how my first day had gone, I arched an eyebrow in surprise when I saw the Caller ID: Lynne Arian.

Picking up the line, I asked in confusion, "Lynne?"

"Hey! When are you coming over?"

"Huh?"

"Uh, you ARE coming over, aren't you?" Lynne's voice sounded disapproving.

All of a sudden, it hit me. A couple of weeks ago, I'd posted on MySpace that I was doing the internship in Palo Alto, and Lynne had called me up suggesting that I come visit. After all, she lived right in the area. We'd hashed things out so that I would drop by after leaving work on my first Monday, which was ... today.

"Oh, shit!" Still parked, I slapped the heel of my hand against my forehead.

"YOU FORGOT!" Lynne complained. "We talked about this just last week!"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," I apologized. "It's just ... a lot has happened since then."

"What could possibly make you forget this visit? Dawn dump you or something?"

I sighed, grimacing in pain.

Lynne groaned as she heard the tone in my voice. Going silent for a few seconds, whether processing that news or wondering if I would say something first, she finally apologized, "Oops. Sorry. I didn't know."

I took a deep breath. "Clearly, not your fault. I'm sorry. I still shouldn't have forgotten."

"If today's a bad day, we can always meet up another time," she offered.

I shook my head, even though she couldn't see me. What else was I going to do? Go back to my empty house? Adrienne had already flown back from whence she came, apologizing that she was launching some new L'Oreal ad campaign.

Pressing the phone against my ear a little tighter, I replied, "No, no. Actually, I think seeing friends is exactly what I need right now."

Lynne's apartment was only a five-minute drive from BioGen, in a very nice complex not too far from Stanford University. As such, it was mostly populated by Stanford students, and I saw a dozen young adults going back and forth through the parking lot as I pulled in. Unlike Cal, Stanford's semester didn't end until mid-June. So the complex was still full as students had yet to depart for summer break, and it took me a little while to find a parking space.

But I eventually made it to Lynne's apartment, and after knocking, the door opened and my pretty friend smiled up at me. "Hey there, stranger."

"Stranger?" I frowned. "It hasn't been THAT long, has it?"

"It's been way too long," she sighed before stepping out and giving me a warm hug.

Only 5'3", the top of Lynne's head only came up to the middle of my chest. I patted her back warmly and then bent down when she tugged on me so that she could kiss my cheek.

After, the cute brunette stepped back and smiled up at me. "How are you holding up?" she asked with some concern, her memory fresh on my admission that Dawn indeed had just broken up with me.

"I'm okay," I replied with a resigned shrug. "Life goes on."

Lynne nodded and then gestured for me to enter. She'd mentioned when we planned this that that other friends would be around, including Kady. Indeed, the sprightly redhead was the first person to greet me as I entered, waving while offering up a rather butch, "'Sup, dude."

I chuckled and smiled, not wanting to make a big production of my arrival as I simply stood where I was instead of trying to get a hug or anything. I didn't want to feel like some special guest. The people here were students who still had school the next morning.

Lynne made the introductions. "I think you've all met before, at Kady's birthday party at least."

"Paige's birthday, too," the beautiful, busty dirty-blonde sitting with Kady spoke up.

I nodded, trying not to stare at Kady's girlfriend's tits. "Hi, Noelle."

The fourth girl in the room, a lusciously cute Latina, spoke up, "Ivonne. I'm Lynne's roommate."

I nodded. "Hi, I'm Ben."

Kady frowned at me. "So Lynne was just telling us that Dawn broke up with you? What's up with that?"

Noelle put her hand on Kady's leg and hissed, "Kady!"

I shrugged, waving Noelle off. "No, it's alright. I know Kady's always spoken her mind."

"You mean she's as blunt as a two-by-four," Noelle sighed with a bit of a country twang.

Kady just grinned.

I sighed and held my hands out. "It's really a long story, and I'd rather not get into it."

"Aww..." Kady frowned, obviously disappointed to not get the juicy story. But a second later, she perked up. "Hey, I know what you need. Wanna beer?"

I grinned, realizing that in all my morose depression, I hadn't actually consumed any alcohol. You would have thought I'd have drunken myself into a stupor, but in my state of absolute uncaring, I hadn't even cared to drink. "You know, that sounds like a GREAT idea."

Ivonne was already heading into the kitchen.

"Hey!" Kady spoke up. "Beer me too!"

True to my wishes, the five of us really just "hung out". Lynne and I spent a lot of time catching up, talking about what had been going on in our lives over the past year. Of course, most of the memories I could share revolved around Dawn, so we jointly decided to spend more time talking about Lynne.

She'd been dating a guy the last time I saw her, at Paige's birthday party. They had broken up about a month ago, so the two of us commiserated on being recently single.

Ivonne was also facing the end of a bad relationship, although hers hadn't quite died just yet. The three of us talked pros and cons, and I got the impression that Lynne and Ivonne had already spent a lot of nights discussing Ivonne's pathetic excuse for a boyfriend. And the girls were energized by my presence and willingness to be a male perspective.

Personally, I just liked being able to focus on a relationship that wasn't my own.

Lynne then insisted that I stick around for dinner, especially since I couldn't cook worth a damn. I figured that the later I stayed here, not only would I avoid rush hour traffic on the return to Berkeley, but I would also minimize the amount of time I would have to spend in that big house all by myself. Given Adrienne's recent resurrection of my sexual being, I had contemplated visiting the Tri-Delt house to see who was sticking around for the summer and just drowning myself in carnal pleasure. But really, I was having more fun hanging out with these girls and it didn't carry the self-loathing that mindless sex would have brought.

Post-dinner brought about more beers, as well as homework. Well, Kady was more about the beer than the homework. She apparently had one of those whippet-sharp minds that allowed her to ace her classes with minimal studying, a trait that disgusted all three of her fellow Stanford students. She matched me beer for beer while the alcohol finally got me to loosen up about my failed relationship, and the redhead and I spent a good hour in a corner of the room just letting me vent about all my frustrations.

Around 8pm, Lynne cut me off. "Either you stop drinking now and wait at least an hour before attempting to drive back home, or you prepare right now to sleep with us tonight."

In my buzzed state, my eyebrows popped and started waggling suggestively at Lynne's statement. Kady outright laughed.

Lynne sighed and rolled her eyes. "Don't get any fresh ideas, buster. You've got two lesbians in the room, Ivonne's got a boyfriend, and I don't do pity-fucks. It's the couch and your right hand tonight if you stick around."

Kady giggled drunkenly, "Can I watch if he opts for 'right hand'?"

Even with the lack of sexual possibilities, crashing here sounded like a pretty good idea. I was pretty sloshed at this point, so the idea of driving home tonight wasn't very appealing. And since it was rather unlikely I would find myself in bed with a gorgeous, busty babe in the morning at my house, there wasn't much incentive to go.

But realistically, I HAD to go. Lynne's hospitality or not, I didn't want to intrude on the girls' apartment. Ivonne would have to be uncomfortable with my presence overnight. More importantly, all of my clothes were at the house. I didn't want to show up for work tomorrow wearing the same stinky attire.

"No," I replied. "Let's finish up here and then I'll head back."

"Aww..." Kady groaned in disappointment.

"We should get going too. It's still a school night," Noelle added. "C'mon, girlfriend. Let's get your drunk ass home."

Closing up her books, Noelle retrieved Kady and helped her girlfriend upstairs. To my surprise, Kady was not living at home with her parents, even though Atherton was only a short drive away. Instead, she was sharing an apartment with Noelle quite literally above Lynne's and Ivonne's. And after blowing me a kiss, Kady and Noelle went out the door and up the stairs.

After the prescribed hour of sobriety, I too was ready to leave. Lynne gave me a warm hug goodbye, sending me out the door. "I'll visit again sometime," I offered off-hand.

"Anytime," she replied.

I smiled and turned away, but a second later, I turned back to her. "Be careful what you say. The way my social life is going right now, I just might show up here again tomorrow."

Lynne laughed and shrugged before giving me a quietly serious look. "Go ahead. Tomorrow, I mean. We'll be here, and you're certainly welcome. With everything going on, I think you could use a friend."

There was such sincerity in her voice that I actually felt moisture forming in my eyes. I'm not a crier, but the last few days had been so traumatic that my emotions were pretty close to the surface. Choking back tears, I smiled and said, "I really can."

Lynne gave me a beaming smile. "Then I'll see you tomorrow."

-- WEDNESDAY, MAY 25, 2005, SUMMER BREAK --

"Hey there, stranger." Lynne stepped out from the doorway and gave me a warm hug, also accompanied by a quick peck to the cheek.

"Hi, Lynne," I greeted and followed her inside.

Noelle looked up from her books and gave me a lopsided grin. "Hey, three days in a row!"

I blushed. "Uh, if I'm intruding, I really don't have to-"

"Nonsense, nonsense," Lynne cut me off. "After so many estrogen-parties, it's nice to have a guy around."

"Says you," Noelle drawled in her light Southern accent while rolling her eyes.

"Besides," Lynne added, patting my shoulder. "Doesn't make any sense for you to fight rush-hour traffic right now."

"Thanks," I replied warmly. Didn't make any sense for me to go home to that big empty house, either.

"But don't think you're getting a free ride," Kady announced as she approached from the hallway, stretching her arms above her head which made her perky tits poke out quite nicely through her thin, quarter-sleeved shirt. "I seem to remember you gave some pretty good massages back in the day."

Smiling, I turned my hands palms-inward and curled my fingers a few times before lacing them together and stretching my hands palms-out. The knuckles cracked audibly. "Still do."

Kady reached up, pulling her long dark-auburn hair to one side of her shoulder, exposing a graceful neck before sitting down on a chair at the dining-table. "Then time to come pay up."

-- FRIDAY, MAY 27, 2005, SUMMER BREAK --

The door swung open, and a simply-beautiful brunette leaped out and wrapped me up in a fierce hug. "Ohmigawd, Ben!" Brandi exclaimed, somehow managing to squeeze me even tighter. "It's so good to see you!"

"Choking, choking," I muttered, patting Brandi's back.

"Oops. Sorry." She laughed and dropped back down onto her heels, then took a step back while still holding onto my arms. "I love you, little brother. I just want you to know that."

"Jeez, you make it seem like I've got terminal cancer," I groaned. "I'm fine, I'm fine."

"You sure?" Brandi cocked an eyebrow and looked at me evaluatively.

I tried to smile, but just ended up with a "meh" expression and a shoulder shrug. "I'll be alright."

She hugged me again, not holding me as tightly, but holding me for a lot longer. Closing my eyes, I just set my cheek down on my sister's shoulder and felt the warmth of her embrace.

But eventually, Brandi released me. And then wrapping her arm around my waist, she led me into her apartment.

"Hey there," Dayna greeted with a wary expression, as if unsure how to act around me. "Hope you're hungry. I made lots for dinner."

I took a sniff of the air and inhaled deeply. "Smells delicious."

Dayna gave me an awkward smile. "Least I can do. I figure my family owes you for-"

"Stop right there," I cut her off. Letting go of Brandi, I crossed the room to a suddenly-nervous Dayna and wrapped her up in a hug, keeping it loose to make sure she didn't feel threatened. "What happened between Dawn and me has nothing to do with you. You're my friend, you'll always be my friend, and I'm just happy to have you as a friend here tonight. Okay?"

Dayna nodded and turned to peck my cheek. "Okay."

Brandi came over and joined us in a three-way hug. We put our heads together, and I took a deep breath to feel the love radiating off these two wonderful human beings. After spending a few days hanging out with Lynne and the rest of the Stanford gang, and now enjoying the simple touch of Brandi and Dayna, I realized just how much of a moron I'd been in the days immediately after Dawn's breakup.

It felt so much better to be around people than to be alone.

-- TUESDAY, MAY 31, 2005, SUMMER BREAK --

"Hey there, stranger," Lynne greeted with a big smile. "How was your Memorial weekend?"

I shrugged. "It was great. Spent it with my big sister in the city."

"Oh, that sounds nice. Do anything fun?"

I shook my head. "Just ... a lot of talking."

Lynne reached up and touched my cheek, staring deeply into my eyes. After another minute, she nodded and said, "Well, it looks like it did you some good. You look better than you did last week."

I frowned, suddenly worried about my appearance. "Better?"

She saw my look and laughed. But before she could reply, Kady suddenly appeared in the door with a smirk on her face. "What Lynne is trying to say is that ever since High School, she's had this idea in her head that you were like... 'such a babe'. But then last week you showed up on our doorstep looking like a mongrel dog that had been run over by a Mack truck and dragged up onto the curb by our pet cat, and she completely lost the ability to see you as an object of sexual desire."

My jaw just dropped. Lynne rolled her eyes and smacked Kady's arm.

"What?" Kady frowned. "That's basically what you told us last Monday..."

"KADY!" Lynne squealed, scandalized by her friend's admission.

Laughing, the redhead just pranced back into the apartment, leaving me alone once again with the pretty brunette. "She's exaggerating..." Lynne muttered awkwardly.

I pouted theatrically. "You can't see me as an object of sexual desire anymore?"

Lynne smirked and leaned against the door frame. "Well ... maybe now..." She let her eyes roam up and down my body with a clearly lustful gaze. But she could only hold that expression for so long, and suddenly burst out laughing.

The light mood was infectious, and I chuckled along with her. She then waved me into the apartment and I followed after.

"Ooh, Ben's here!" Noelle cheered when I arrived. "I call first backrub!"

-- WEDNESDAY, JUNE 1, 2005, SUMMER BREAK --

"Ben, hey!" Paige Jacobsen vaulted into my arms.

She hummed as she hugged me, and made no move to let me go. So after a couple of minutes, I had to bend forward and set her back down on the ground. "Hiya, Red," I greeted.

"No fair," Paige pouted. "My cousin tells me you hung out with her friends almost all of last week!"

I blinked a few times and then shrugged. "Uh, Lynne invited me. And their place is only like five minutes from where I work. Makes for a nice place to hang out instead of fighting rush hour traffic."

Paige punched me in the chest. "Hey! This place is only like fifteen minutes away from them! You coulda stopped by before!"

"Uh, if Kady told you I was visiting them, why didn't you come by their apartment?" I hedged.

Paige rolled her eyes and pointed back into the house. "I have a baby, hello?"

"Oh, right," I mumbled. "I'm sorry, but I'm here now, right?"

"Fine, fine..." she pouted, taking me by the hand and then dragging me into the house. "Lucky for you, April just went down for a nap. So we should have a good two hours for you to fuck my brains out."

"Paige," I growled.

She stopped, turning around to face me with a dejected sigh. "Too soon after the breakup?"

"You can't be serious."

"I am. I'm horny as hell, haven't gotten laid since you stopped by for my birthday, and you're single now. I'm not asking for any long-term commitment or something like that. I just thought we could both give each other some relief."

I just put my face into my right hand and shook my whole head in disbelief.

"Guess not," Paige sighed. "Oh, poo."

-- MONDAY, JUNE 6, 2005, SUMMER BREAK --

Sighing heavily, I turned my head and glanced at the clock on the nightstand. Blood red numbers shone in the pitch blackness, and as I watched, the numbers changed from 1:03am to 1:04.

C'mon, go to sleep, man. You've got to get up for work in five hours.

Sighing heavily, I turned and stared at the ceiling once again. One would have thought I'd have become an insomniac right after Dawn's breakup. But the reality was that I spent so much time during the day thinking and overthinking things that I completely exhausted myself, and I wound up passed out for a solid ten hours at a time.

No, the inability to sleep was a recent development, only for the last four days. No matter how much I tried to clear my mind and let the black void cloud my vision, blissful unconsciousness didn't come.

Sighing heavily, I slid my left hand beneath the waistband of my pajamas and gently rubbed my erection. It was after 1am, and there wasn't a hot babe in sight, but I still had a throbbing hard-on. These middle-of-the-night erections were also a recent development, and I was starting to think there was a correlation between them and the insomnia.

Oddly enough, it seemed that the middle of the night was the ONLY time I could get an erection. When I was wide awake, with a gorgeous bombshell blonde practically throwing herself at me, I couldn't muster up a thing. Limp noodle all the way.

Dayna Evans found that out earlier. I'd spent the weekend with them again, driving straight to Brandi's and Dayna's apartment after work on Friday and then crashing on their couch Friday and Saturday nights. On Saturday, the girls got me a guest pass to their gym, so I got in a little exercise that didn't involve a bed or rapid abdominal thrusts. And I even played some basketball with the girls' boyfriends.

Wonder of wonders, Dayna was still dating Kevin Weiss from college, and Brandi was seeing a friend of a coworker. After the gym, we hung out as a group and had dinner. But at the end of the night, the girls said they were heading home early.

Brandi's boyfriend tried to talk her into going home with him, but she explained that I was staying with them after a bad breakup, and she didn't want to abandon me. Dayna was feeling a little frisky, and quietly invited Kevin to come home with her anyway. Dayna insisted that I wouldn't mind, and indeed I reassured Kevin that it wouldn't be the first time he and Dayna holed up in their bedroom while Brandi and I were outside. But he just felt a little weird about the whole situation and declined, promising he would see her on Monday.

So the three of us returned home, showered, brushed our teeth, and watched a movie until it was time to go to sleep.

Sunday night was a different story. After dinner, we opened a bottle of wine and horny Dayna eventually turned the topic of conversation to sex. Although she was careful not to specifically ask about the immediate breakup, Dayna did want to know how Dawn's and my sex lives were going at the end.

"Dayna!" Brandi hissed, obviously thinking it was still too soon for me to think about Dawn.

"No, it's alright," I said, taking a deep breath. "Everything was great. We spent every single night together. I had my Thursdays with Kim, and a few other occasions as well. But otherwise ... really, six out of seven days a week Dawn and I were fucking up a storm."

"Right up until the breakup."

I nodded. "We even had sex the night before the breakup. It was great."

"And then ... nothing?" Dayna asked with a grimace.

"Well, you guys know Adrienne visited me."

"But that was two weeks ago."

I furrowed my eyebrows, doing the math. She was right: Adrienne had visited me exactly 14 days ago. "I guess you're right."

"So you haven't had sex in two weeks? You? Seriously, when was the last time you went two weeks without sex?"

I'd known the answer immediately: "Right before Dawn and I got together."

Dayna shook her head. "Not good. Not for you. Well, we're fixing that right now." With that, Dayna got off the couch, kneeling in front of me. She'd had an elastic hair band around her wrist, and she was now using it to pull her hair back into a ponytail while staring at me with what could only be described as feral hunger.

"Right here?" Brandi squeaked.

"Why not? You shy all of a sudden?" Dayna chuckled to her friend before turning back to me and reaching for my belt.

I stopped her hand with my own. "You don't have to do this."

She pushed past my hand and deftly unbuttoned me. "This isn't an obligation thing, or an Evans-family apology or anything. This is just you and me, friends with benefits, the way we've always been."

"No, really," I muttered, pushing away her hand once again.

"C'mon, Ben. You've never failed to ring my bell. I'm horny as hell and after two weeks, I know you can use this."

"I really don't-"

She shushed me with a finger to my lips. "I've gone too long without myself, and my boyfriend won't come over because you're here. You OWE me."

I sighed, not having an immediate answer to that. The busty blonde leaned forward, giving me an eyeful of her Double-D cleavage while she drew down my zipper. But when she reached inside, all she found was my limp noodle.

"Huh?" she asked in confusion. In the past, I'd always been ready on command.

"I told you, you don't need to do this. I'm fine."

"You're not fine. You're not hard for me."

"I guess I'm just not in the mood. You're beautiful and sexy, you know that. I'm just ... I'm sorry."

"We'll see about that," Dayna huffed, tugging my shorts lower to get more room, stroking my penis in her hand.

"Dayna, just leave him alone," Brandi spoke up.

"He needs this. We both know Ben. He's a goddamn incredible lover, and sex is his thing. Maybe this is just what he needs to get his mojo back." With that, she bent over and sucked my penis into her mouth.

"Dayna," I said, reaching forward to hold her shoulders, pushing away gently. "Please."

Pulling off, Dayna looked up at me, anger and sadness both in her clear blue eyes. I felt my heart cracking. They were the same kind of eyes as Dawn.

Seeing the expression on my face, she stopped trying to stroke me and gave me a funny look. "Ben ... have you even had an ejaculation in two weeks?"

I blushed, looking away. "Of course," I stammered in embarrassment.

"With who?" Dayna said before covering her mouth.

I turned beet red. Comfortable with sex or not, it was still a little weird for a guy to talk about masturbation.

Dayna at first looked embarrassed for me, but then with a renewed look in her eyes, she started stroking me again. "So we at least know the plumbing works. So whaddaya say I take care of this for you? Why waste a good load into a wad of tissues when I'm only too happy to drink it down?"

I sighed and pushed her hand away once again. Still looking away, I said dejectedly, "Because I don't want you to."

"Why not?" she complained.

Brandi gave me an apologetic look. I stared at her, clinging to my big sister's warmth. And with a sigh full of infinite regret, I explained, "Because I only get hard when I think of Dawn."

That statement killed what little mood was left in the room. Dayna was apologetic for pushing me, Brandi was sympathetic, and I just wanted to get out of there. I had work in the morning anyway. "At least when I leave, you can call Kevin and have him come over."

Sighing sadly, Dayna just shook her head. "Now I don't even want to."

I hugged the girls goodbye and went back to my big empty house. I found myself unable to think about anything but the breakup with Dawn, and after lying down in bed at 9:30, I found myself staring at the ceiling all the way until 1am.

I'd tried to avoid doing it. For nearly four hours, I'd tried. But faced with no other alternative, I sighed heavily and slid my right hand into my pajama pants. And just like last night, and the night before, and the night before that, I thought of Dawn in happier times. I imagined the pout of her lips, the swells of her breasts, and the sparkle in her eyes as we cuddled together in our clearing at Morris camp. And with my right hand pumping and my eyes closed, I worked my way up to a deeply unsatisfying ejaculation, a release of pressure that nevertheless left me feeling even worse than before.

But at least now I could cry myself to sleep.

-- WEDNESAY, JUNE 8, 2005, SUMMER BREAK --

I pulled the Mustang into the long Atherton driveway and parked behind the three cars that had arrived before me. After reaching into my backseat for the big item I'd just purchased from the store, I ambled up the flagstone pavers to the large entryway and rang the doorbell.

"Hey there, stranger." Even though it was Kady's house, Lynne greeted me at the door with a big smile before opening her arms to me for our customary hug and peck on the cheek.

I hugged her as best I could with one arm, and then followed her inside. Once we got past the foyer, I saw the people in attendance and called out, "Hello, ladies."

"Hi, Ben," the collected girls inside chorused. Well, two or three of them did. Today, there were six total girls in the room. I had noticed over the course of the last two weeks that there was a semi-rotating crowd of about eight in all who frequently hung out at Lynne's apartment, with only Lynne, Ivonne, Kady, and Noelle the permanent ones. Today was the last day of Finals for the Stanford crowd, and Kady was hosting an end-of-Finals party at her big Atherton house.

"You didn't come yesterday!" Ivonne pouted from the couch.

"And I really wanted a backrub after my final!" Noelle whined.

"Get Kady to give you one. Isn't that what she's for?" I laughed at Noelle. "And I can't hang out with you guys every day."

"Really? Where were you?" Noelle frowned.

"Visiting my sister." I thought of the way I'd parted from Brandi and Dayna on Sunday night, and didn't want to leave things that way.

Ivonne screwed up her face. "Couldn't you visit her like tomorrow? We've had finals all week and your backrubs were the only things getting me through them! If I fail Sociology, its all your fault!"

I held up my left hand apologetically. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. But I brought a makeup gift." I held up my right hand, showing off the Costco-sized bottle of Patrón.

"Schweet!" Kady cheered, swooping in from nowhere to grab the bottle with both hands and head into the kitchen.

"And I've got two cases of beer in my car," I added. "Figure it's the least I can do after all the ones I've had in the last couple of weeks at your apartment."

"Don't worry about it next time," Lynne offered. "Kady drinks twice as many as you anyway, and she can afford to buy them."

Noelle grinned at me with an innocent smile. "Works for me. She's even better at eating pussy when she's drunk."

My eyebrows popped. "I'll have to take your word for it."

Noelle giggled and then nodded to me. "I'll help you carry them in from the car."

"No worries, I got it."

"Well hurry up," Kady chimed in when she came back. "I'm counting on you to help move furniture for the party."

I nodded and went outside.

On my way back in, Paige had come out to the hallway. Holding little April against her hip, she leaned up to me and gave me a quick peck on the lips. I tickled the baby girl's chin until she giggled and then kissed her mother on the forehead, and then I continued into the house to drop off the beer.

Uncle Frank was manning the barbecue outside. Aunt Polly was puttering around inside. After rearranging the furniture to Kady's liking, I plopped down on a couch with an open bottle of Corona. And then I reminisced for a minute about the house parties Elaine Fukuhara used to throw in High School.

I wondered what Elaine was up to now. From her, I wondered about Daniel. Like me, he'd lost the love of his life and been forced to move on. How was he handling it? Had he found someone else that could make him happy? Was he forever wondering the 'what if' of staying together with Elaine? Could he see himself in a future of happiness that didn't include her?

Me, I couldn't.

I missed Dawn.

And I realized that I needed to somehow get her back.

I'd wasted so much time already. First, I spent the entire weekend after Finals just holed up in the house, refusing to talk to the people closest to me. Adrienne had shaken me out of my shell enough to get me to go to work, but then she'd had to leave and live out her own life. And since then, I'd occupied myself with the rituals of a new job and the pleasant company of the Stanford girls around me.

Lynne, Kady, Noelle, Ivonne and the rest were great. They were friendly, didn't judge, and had welcomed me into their lives with open arms. They'd even done so during the end of their semester and finals. Yeah, Emily thought I was gay at first, but otherwise everyone knew I was straight. And I thought it unusual that a mostly-lesbian group could so willingly accept a hetero male in their presence.

But they had accepted me, and they'd provided me with a lot of emotional comfort these past weeks. Still, as great as they'd been ... they hadn't gotten me any closer to Dawn.

I had to get her back.

"Hey, Ben! Earth to Ben..."

I sighed and looked up from my beer, into which I'd been staring for a good long while. Lynne was kneeling on the couch beside me, slowly waving her hand up and down in front of my face.

"Where'd you go?" she asked, her eyes full of concern.

"Nowhere," I sighed sadly.

Frowning, Lynne reached forward and tenderly drew the fingertips of her right hand down my cheek. I looked up at her, seeing her soft brown eyes focused rather intently on me. But just then, I remembered that she wasn't Dawn, wasn't my girlfriend. Quickly, I reached up and grabbed her hand, pulling it down and away from me.

Like she'd been shaken from a trance, Lynne blinked and then stared down at her hand. "Sorry about that."

"No worries," I shrugged.

The petite brunette jerked a thumb back, and I looked over to see that Kady, Noelle, and Ivonne were all gawking at the two of us. "Want a burger?" Lynne asked lamely.

I smiled and nodded, looking around at all the smiling faces. Tomorrow, I promised myself. You're going over there tomorrow.

"Wooo!!!"

"Wooo!!!"

"WOOO!!!"

Kady had gotten a somewhat larger turnout for this party than her birthday had been, and near 30 people were screaming into the warm June air. Around the time the sun had gone down, Uncle Frank and Aunt Polly made themselves scarce, and the college crowd had started to take things up a notch. Paige had put little April down in the furthest, quietest bedroom, and now even little Red had come out to play.

// Let me hear you say: This shit is bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S!

I didn't understand the song. Why, exactly, Gwen Stefani wanted to curse about bananas, I didn't know. But from the enthusiastic way the girls around me were cheering about it, I could certainly just go with it.

"This shit is bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S!" Paige cheered happily with her arms in the air.

I chuckled and danced along. Presently, the petite redhead moved up alongside me, grabbing my hips with her hands and gyrating herself side-to-side. I arched an eyebrow and danced along while she beamed up at me. But just when I was about to say something, she twirled away and cozied up to one of her other friends.

I had been worried for a little while that Paige would come after me in the aftermath of my breakup. There had certainly been her rather blatant request to bump uglies that first time I'd visited her. But since then, she'd scaled way back on the overt flirtation and really just done her best to be a good friend. We bonded by playing with April and I was simply in awe of how cute the little baby was. April had just started crawling and the way the little tyke giggled made my heart feel a million times lighter than it had been these past couple of weeks.

Yeah, Paige still looked at me like I was made of gold, and I could see the longing in her eyes when April crawled into my lap, longing that was much more than mere lust. But I think she understood that I still saw her as a little sister type and perhaps would always do so.

Ivonne was the next to come and sidle up to me for a dance. Grinning with a pearly smile, the slender Latina turned and shook her healthy-sized ass in my direction, giggling flirtatiously. I turned into her, enjoying the attention, and danced along. But when the song ended, Ivonne gave me a peck on the cheek and then continued on her way to dance with someone else.

The party had been like that for about an hour. Unlike most of the parties I'd been to, which revolved around guys trying to hook up with girls and vice versa, this party was more about a group of friends just hanging out and enjoying each other's company, with everyone pretty much dancing with everyone. Since the majority of the people in attendance were gay, we clearly didn't have the typical guys-hitting-on-girls atmosphere. But even though there were a high number of lesbians, I didn't even see a lot of girls hitting on other girls. What relationships existed were respected, and the single people seemed more interested in having a good time than in picking up a potential bed partner.

At least I wasn't the only guy in attendance. While the ratio was still fairly high in terms of lesbian friends of Kady's, there were two gay-guy couples as well, and even two other straight men who were boyfriends of Kady's straight friends. Lesbian girls danced with straights. People in committed relationships danced with others. And I even managed to keep a straight face when a gay guy came and danced with me. It was all in good fun.

So I didn't think much of it when Lynne came by to dance with me. She'd already danced with me twice, as had every other girl in our usual group. Holding both of my hands in hers, she faced away from me and swayed side-to-side to the music, thrusting her ass back against my crotch before I released her hands, grabbed her hips, and pretended to spank her a few times. She laughed and spun in my grip, collapsing against my chest. And she was still leaning against me when the song ended and a slow dance started up.

// What day is it? And in what month? This clock never seemed so alive.

Automatically, I raised my hands and Lynne slipped hers into them. Staring up into my eyes, she blushed before assuming a slow-dance position with her right hand in my left and her left hand on my shoulder. And she moved with me as I turned while bringing our clasped hands together against my chest.

The world around me started to melt away as the soothing tones of Lifehouse filled my ears. I'd had a little bit to drink (quite a bit, actually), and as my head swayed left and right I started to feel like I was floating away. The outdoor lights were the first to fade into the nighttime blackness. And then little by little, so did the walls of the house, the trees in the backyard, and the people dancing around us.

I was still aware of the others' presence. I knew there were people around us. But really, it was just Lynne and me. All the other people didn't matter. She stared deep into my eyes as we moved, nothing but warmth, acceptance, and understanding being communicated between us. And whether the thoughts were my own or merely prompted by the song, I felt myself internally singing:

// It's you and me, and all of the people with nothing to do, nothing to lose

// And it's you and me, and all of the people and I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you

Staring back at me, Lynne just smiled. Her lips didn't part. No actual words came out of her mouth. But in my head, I still heard the next lines of the song.

// All of the things that I want to say just aren't coming out right.

// I'm tripping on words, you got my head spinning I don't know where to go from here.

Together, we turned around and around on the dance floor. Around me, I felt the presence of other couples also dancing with us: some straight, some gay. Some of them were in committed relationships with each other. Some of them were just single friends having a good time. Some of them were probably singing the song in their heads just like me.

But I only had eyes for Lynne. I'd forgotten just how pretty she could be. Never one of the out and out gorgeous people, Lynne often melted into the background. She wasn't tall, wasn't busty, wasn't flirty, and didn't sleep around. Surrounded by higher profile girls like Adrienne, Heather, and the other cheerleaders, sometimes people could forget about Lynne. High School boys lusted after the taller ones, the bustier ones, the ... well ... prettier ones. I was just as guilty as the rest.

But there had always been a sweetness about Lynne, a maturity I took for granted. She'd been there to support both Adrienne and me amidst all our ups and downs. And now, almost four years later, she was doing it again. We'd barely had contact with each other ever since getting to college. I had literally done almost nothing for her over the past few years, not a happy birthday call or even a promise to meet up for lunch just to catch up. But from the minute I showed up on her doorstep, she'd been nothing but inviting, welcoming, and warm. In my time of greatest need, after the worst breakup of my life, she was there for me.

// Something about you now I can't quite figure out

// Everything she does is beautiful, everything she does is right

// Cause it's you and me and all of the people...

The song slowly wound its way down to a close. The final chorus rang out, the lead singer let his last note end in a breathy whisper. And then nothing but silence was in the air as the MacBook in the corner loaded up its next song.

It was only a moment of pure stillness, a scant couple of seconds. They were all the time I really needed. Without thinking about it, I tilted my head and leaned down. Looking up at me, Lynne inhaled sharply as she tilted her head opposite mine and moved her nose out of the way. And then she was moaning softly as our lips touched, the passion built up over the past 3 minutes and 15 seconds exploding in a single contact of purity between our mouths.

My eyes didn't open until the next slow song was already halfway through. When they finally did, I became consciously aware that Lynne and I were being stared at. Paige, Ivonne, Kady, and Noelle weren't dancing. All four of them stood less than ten feet away from us, gawking in surprise. Ivonne's jaw was practically on the floor.

I looked back at Lynne, who was panting softly and looking up at me with a look of mixed adoration and wonder. Her fingers were curled in, her hands gripping my shoulder and my left hand like she never wanted to let go. She was beautiful...

... but she wasn't Dawn.

Blinking quickly, I muttered a very quiet, "I'm sorry."

Taking a deep breath, Lynne glanced at my chin for a second before looking back up at me, replying, "You don't have to apologize."

But halfway through her reply, I tore myself out of her grasp. Walking quickly, I darted through the open patio doors back into the house, and I didn't stop until I'd emerged through the other side. Jabbing the remote on my keys quickly, I hit the unlock button on the Mustang four times before I got to the door. And once I got in, sitting down on the seat, I jabbed the lock button twice just to make sure I was penned in.

And then bracing my forearms on the steering wheel in front of me. I put my head down and started to cry.

-- THURSDAY, JUNE 9, 2005, SUMMER BREAK --

I took a deep breath as I turned off the engine on my car. Staring out the windshield at the familiar house, I tried to remember all the things I'd told myself to say to her.

I love you. That's always a good one.

I need you. Works on me.

We belong together.

I'm here for YOU. That was an important one. Dawn had declared herself a cheater and not good enough for me anymore. Clearly, she felt that something was wrong with herself, and I had to reassure her that I would stick around while we got her fixed.

No matter what, I'll always be your Ben. That one was key. I had to tell her that I accepted her unconditionally. I accepted her flaws, I accepted her foibles. I accepted that she'd made mistakes. Hadn't I made a million of them myself? I accepted that she didn't like herself very much right now, but I wanted to reassure her that I was just the same. We were both human. We could both fuck things up. But what made us different was that we always stuck together. We were soulmates. We could last through anything, even this.

Everything will be alright. Just stay with me, and we'll get through this. I love you, Dawn. I've always loved you, and I always WILL love you. No matter what. Unconditionally. Without reservation. Forever and ever.

I sighed and fought the urge to cry again. What if she didn't take me back?

She will. You need her. You HAVE to have her back. Your life is shit without her, and you know it. Whatever it takes, Ben, you're going to get her back. You're going to walk up there, and you're not going to leave until you've gotten her back. If she walks away, you're going to follow her. If she tells you to go away, you'll stand your ground. This is DAWN. This is your SOULMATE. This is the one person in the world you can't live without. More than Brooke, Brandi, the twins, and your parents combined. You need HER. And you're going to get her. You're going to get her back. And then all will be better again.

Feeling my blood surge through my veins, I took a deep breath and popped open the door. Walking purposefully up the walkway, I approached the house and rang the doorbell.

No one answered right away. It was 6pm, and it was possible the Evanses hadn't returned home from work just yet. But more likely they were busy in the kitchen or in the bathroom or something else. I waited all of fifteen seconds before ringing the doorbell again. And two seconds later, I heard the flip of a lock inside.

"Ben! Ohmigawd!" Deanna Evans gasped in amazement as she opened the front door of her house. Immediately, she threw her arms open and wrapped me up in a hug.

"Hi, Mrs. Evans," I sighed happily, feeling the warmth of her embrace and the delight in her voice buoy me. She was very happy to see me, and I would need her support to help me get Dawn back.

"Oh, Ben! It's so good to see you!" she cheered, taking a step back while still holding onto my shoulders. But a second later, her face fell. Blinking slowly, her smile was inexorably tugged downward into a frown.

I felt my heart racing as anxiety reared up inside me. Nervously, I asked, "Where's Dawn?"

Deanna Evans winced, glancing down for a second. "Ben ... It's really good to see you..." she began.

"Where's Dawn?" I asked impatiently with a rough edge in my voice.

She looked up at me with an apologetic expression. Pinching her lips together, she collected herself for a few seconds. And then with a sigh of resignation, she admitted, "Dawn's not here."

"Where'd she go?"

Another deep breath. "She went on a road trip with Gwen and Robin. Spur of the moment thing. Apparently Gwen was going through a breakup of her own, and the girls just wanted to get away for a little while."

"She's gone? Where?"

Deanna sighed. "I don't know exactly. They said they were headed to Tahoe first, and then working Eastward from there. I'm expecting her to call me tonight. Dawn promised she would call every other night."

"When did they leave? Maybe I can still catch them."

Deanna shook her head. "They left last night. By now, they'll be well into Nevada."

Last night. I suddenly thought about that moment when I'd been sitting on the couch at Kady's Atherton house, nursing a Corona and staring off into space. I'd realized I'd wasted so much time and felt the sudden need to go get Dawn back. Had that been our mystical connection trying to warn me of her departure? But I'd let myself get dragged back into the party and assured myself I would come here the next day.

Too late.

She was gone.

"When will she be back?" I asked, my tongue feeling thick and my head a little dizzy.

Deanna shook her head. "I don't know. They brought a lot of gear. I told her to come back in time to go to Morris Camp with us. That's more than three weeks away. But Dawn said not to expect her back before then."

More than three weeks. Probably a whole month.

She was gone.

"Ben, why don't you come inside? We should talk."

I shook my head slowly before even realizing I was doing it. Sighing heavily, I gave Deanna a mournful look and moaned, "I lost her."

"You didn't lose her. Dawn's just going through a phase. Despite protesting that she's mature beyond her years, she's still a young girl. She got scared, got cold feet. It happens. It even happened with Jack and me before we settled down. She'll come around, I know it."

"You really think so?"

Deanna nodded her head firmly. "I KNOW so."

But then I saw it. Deanna was leaning against the doorframe, and unable to meet her eyes I'd found myself staring down and to the side. Just inside the door was a foyer table so that guests could set down their keys, purses, or whatever. Beneath Deanna's outstretched arm I could see that table, and I could see the circular silver band that was sitting all alone on top of it.

I moved forward suddenly, causing Deanna to startle and back away. She moved out of the way as I stepped into the house. And she gasped when she saw what I was reaching for.

It was a bracelet.

It was the kind of cheap bracelet you could pick up at the mall and have stenciled for a couple of bucks. It was a bracelet I'd first seen when I was seventeen, adorning the wrist of the most beautiful girl in the world. And the stenciling read: Ben Forever.

She'd put it here before she left. She'd quietly put it on the table, knowing that I would eventually come to the house. And she must have done it just before she left, because even her mom was surprised to see it there now.

"Ben..." Deanna began, her voice cracking. "Dawn LOVES you. You two are destined to be together. It's going to happen."

Thumbing the letters, I simply felt numb as I read them one more time. And then with careful deliberation, I set the bracelet back down on the table and backed away.

"No," I said quietly. "It's not going to happen. That's just a dream that you and my mom have been feeding us ever since we were kids. I'm so sorry we're going to disappoint you."

And then I turned and walked away.