[~90~]

I don't know where to start...

Everything looks messy. Am I so broken? Patience, how else should I enlarge it? How else should I endure pain? It's been a long time since I lost myself. Too much thinking about what other people think of me. People say they never cared about you that much, so do what you can. But, why am I still not able to?

Why am I always filled with the shadows of my past? It hurts. What kind of experience is this? I'm so fed up with myself. Stupidity that continues to be done because I can not control it properly. I understand I was wrong. But why can't I really let go?

The pain, everything seemed to press me and make me feel like a burden. Why do people ignore me so easily? Why am I so easily forgotten? Why am I so easy to shun? Why am I so easily let go?

Am I not worth it? I've done everything I can to fight! I've put all my effort into shining! I've made every effort to be seen by everyone! I don't need validation! I just want to be appreciated as much as I respect others!

But why? Why can't anyone understand me? What do I expect from other people? It feels like hope is not worth it. It's so easy to break me You must be happy.

He says don't doubt yourself. But other people never look at my efforts and struggles! They have never seen how difficult it is for me to solve all my problems, but I still smile. They don't know how fragile I am. They don't know how much I want to end this life. Why is it so easy to hurt my heart? Why don't I get the same opportunity? This is so unfair, isn't it?

It's so sad that I can't stand it. Other people are happy when I want to cry always. What should I do? I myself. I am lonely.

I'm so scared! I am so broken and sick! Why am I always so easily put down by them after everything I've worked so hard for? Why is the world so happy to play me? Then what else should I do?

I'm just hiding behind the word girl boss. I just hide behind the word Independent Sigma Woman. In fact I'm not that strong. I really am very fragile. Won't people understand me? I've been trying very hard to understand them. Why doesn't anyone give me time? Why doesn't anyone see me? Why doesn't anyone care? Why isn't anyone beside me? Not even one person...

What else should I live for? I want to disappear, really. At least just to calm my heart and mind. I never really accepted myself until now. With all the fakes that I show to make it look fine. They say everyone has problems but why am I the only one like this?