Chapter 48

I'm true to my words when I found myself at the park with him while we're having fun to watch the people fun, screaming andd crying at the rides.

"I wish this will not a last journey with you." He said while we're holding an ice cream cup with a spoon. We're resting after trying o many rides.

I looked at him and shook my head. "Nope, there's more days to be with me."

"I have a question." He said while watching me to eat an ice cream from a cup.

"Shoot."

"Were you came back and accept my proposal again?" He seriously asked me.

I was surprised by his sudden question. Sa lahat ng pwede nyang itanong. Iyon pang mahihirapan akong sagutin.

Leiden's a hot tall man with an attractive looks. Most girls are always glance at him and even more other girls already had an imagination to marry them. Hindi ko nan maipagkakait na gwapo talaga sya at maraming nagkaka gusto sa kanya. Maybe if I was a stranger, I'll be in their shoe to glance at him from time to time, wishing I was the girl who's with him and talking to him closer.

Hindi agad ako naka sagot nang maramdaman ko ang nag iinit na mata ko. "I'm sorry if I asked-"

"I will." I bravely said. "There's no reason to leave you behind. I love you so much that I'm willing to mary you for the rest of my life." I added and looked at him sincerely and so much love.

"Can I come to you instead? I promise that I'll never bother you while you're busy to yourself. I'm okay with that and cutting the connection with me temporarily." He looked at me with full of hope in his eyes.

Ito ang pinaka tinatakutan ko na mangyari. I knew that he will understood if I'll choose myself without anyone. I wanted to be alone, I wanted to be independent for the past years with the man I didn't even love. And this point, I actually can't feel mad at him.

He sounded so desperate. That he's willing to take a risk again and make himself follow me like a fool and choose to being positive trying to claim me and embrace me to his arms again.

I couldn't talk. I don't want him to disappoint in me. Hindi ko alam ang mangyayari kapag sumunod sya sa akin paalis. Paano na ang pamilya nya? Nagka ayos naba sila makalipas ang ilang taon? Napapansin kong hindi na nya minemention ang pamilya nya tulad noon.

"Please answer me, If you'll reject me to follow you, I'll marry no one. If it wasn't you. You know that Krishiana. I let myself to be fooled because I love you that so much that I was willing to do anything for you. Just not push me away, please. I'm begging you to not push me away again." He whispered at me so no one would wondering what happened to us already because of the atmosphere.

"We're here to have fun, not letting our emotions out while we're in the middle of having fun." I changed the subject. It hurts me to saw him like this.

I just wanted to have fun without begging in front of me. I don't want to become a lonely before I leave. Mas gugustuhin kong nagkakaroon na kami nang pagkakaintindihan bago ako umalis. It seems like he always show emotions to me to just guilt-tripping me and changed my mind instead. I don't want to miss understood him.

Hindi na sya nagsalita matapos noon. I found myself guilty. But my priority is to enjoy our moment together with a happiness. I don't want to embrace negativity.

"Nandito pa ako, don't ruin my mood. I just wanted to have fun with you. Please focus on that now." Sabi ko ulit nang hindi sya nagsalita.

I felt so sorry for him to reject his proposal. But I know myself that I'm still not yet ready to marry him. Yes, it was actually easy to forgive but not to forget. Even if that reason was understand-able. My traumatic past with him will kept haunting me if I immediately choose happiness and to be with him forever.

He held my hand and nodded. Back to his lighten up mood again. I hold his hand tighter and stood up from the seat. He pointed at his index finger to sign a wait.

I automatically smiled at the camera when he took a picture from us. We have so many pics in his gallery phone, same with my phone too. After that, we rode in a rides until we get tired and I already see the sunset when we exit from the park.

"Let's watch the sunset." He said it and hold my hands to guide me from the chair where we could freely see the sunset clearly.

"I thought you hated the sunset?" Pagtatakang tanong ko nang makitang pinapanood nya ang pag lubog ng araw sa harapan namin.

He chuckle and pull me closer to him. "I know, but I wanted to used to watch this before you leave. It maybe a curse because days will count and I'll be left alone again. I just want to enjoy while you're still here beside me."

I felt my tears will fell so I avoid my face into his. Alam ko na hindi nya sinasadyang sabihin iyon. My heart kept hurting because of his words. I wanted him to stop or hugged him tightly but I stopped myself.

"This is literally a dramatic moment. Hindi ko aakalain na isang araw, mapupunta tayo sa sitwasyong mahihirapan pa din tayo." Sinubulan kong matawa at hindi naman ako nabigo nang tumawa din sya. I felt so relieve.

"We can't tell. And this is it. Maybe if only the last day I'll be with you, I have no regrets for telling you the other part of me you still didn't know. And I won't stop loving you."

"What do you mean?"

Tinuro nya ang paglubog na araw sa harapan namin. "I wanted to remind this and become a memory. Like the sun would be dissapeared fully later. I don't want to forget our happy memories with us. Because if I'll forget, it means I'll be totally accept that you will not be mine again. Like what I asked earlier. I'm losing hope, but I'm still fighting even I know the answer already. I'm sorry I'm still selfish to you. I'm might be scared." I heard his cracked voice as he's trying to keep himself up to pretend that everything was okay.

"Scared of what?" I wanted to make it sure. It's bothering me when people didn't finishes their words coming from their mouth. I was nervous as hell. Scared of the answer.

"Scared that one day, I'll be tired and woke up that I finally accept everything. Without you on my mind or even if you enter in my mind, we're just civil to each other like nothing happened."

I was surprised and looked at him. He was the verge of crying. I felt my hearting was broken into pieces.

He panicked and hugged me tightly like he's trying to calm me down. I didn't know what happened but I found myself anxious at the same time, crying non-stop. His words kept haunting me.

"I'm so sorry, I shouldn't had said that. I'm trying Krish. I wanted to be with you. Please, for the last time. Give me a chance to keep me hope and hold into you again. I'm not saying this to trap you. I'm saying this because it's hard for me too, lose you again. I'm losing hope for love."

I cried and cried on his shoulder as I nodded unconsciously. He was surprised by my answer but I can feel that maybe I was crying and it did not work at all.

I woke up another day. It's already at the afternoon when we spent our night together. I kept fooling him if I would deny that I'm starting to love him more. I already agreed that he will coming with me, but not on the same day with me.

"I'm glad that you're happy now." Sambit ko, suot ang white polo blouse nya.

Pinapanood ko syang hanapin ang passport at visa nya. Natatawa akong panoorin syang mag panic. I didn't know that this day will come and gone the lonely face and heavy atmosphere around him.

"I'm happy to follow you this way. Kahit hindi na ang makipag balikan sa akin, ok na ako. Gustong gusto ko makabawi sayo. Thanks for giving me a second chance to be with you again." He cleared it out already. I force myself to smile back at him, thinking what would my decision if I finally make myself heal fully.

"Welcome aboard."

Napabuntong hininga ako nang makapasok sa eroplano, dala dala ang maleta ko. It's been a day and this is the day I will leave in the Philippines. My friends are ended up crying. It was so devastating to see them like I'm not coming back at home.

Hindi ko sana sa sabihin ang tungkol kay Lexord pero nadulas naman si France. They're happy to know about the news, kahit hanggang doon na lang dahil mahirap daw umasa sa akin na magkaka balikan pa kami.

I turned off my phone while take off. I was sleeping all day. Until I was arrived in U.S. This country will be my home temporarily. I was glad that I choose myself first when I touch my feet to the ground and smile at myself.

Another day came and I'm still adjusting. I'll make an appointment to a therapist Desiree knew. I was glad that I have no absents for a month and I was feeling better when 2 months came.

Without seeing him here. I know that he's nearby not trying to show himself. I smiled to myself, not planning to have a friend for now because I needed to focus on myself. And I know that he's here, I can rely on him when I was ready to show myself again.

"I missed him already." I whispered to myself when I lay down on my bed. I have to urge to chat him but I stopped myself.

Ito ang pinili ko, kaya ito ang paninindigan ko.

Thinking of my future after being free. My thoughts suddenly came out of nowhere when I saw some family bonding together. I realized that I wanted to become like them too. But scared that he'll choose to stop. I was getting my hopes high.

"I'm sorry for making you wait. Maybe this time, I'll show myself into you now."

To be continued....