Chapter 31: Clarification

*

You had taken a few minutes to fully calm down and be in control of yourself before you climbed the stairs to the top floor. Even though you cleared your mind, you were no less tense. How was that deer going to react when he saw you? Worse yet, would he listen to you? Would he open his door?

You had a knot in your stomach, and your legs became heavier and heavier with each step. You felt as if you were climbing a slope with an infernal height.

At times you would even take breaks at different levels to catch your breath, and each time you readjusted your shirt, or your hair, it was stronger than you, to the point that you didn't even realize it.

When you finally arrived in front of his door, your body was shaking at first sight, your teeth were so tightly clenched together that it hurt a little.

Suddenly you heard a soft melody, a bit of Jazzy on the other side, the sound seemed a bit old-fashioned as if it came from an old record player. You took a deep breath and then you bravely knocked on the door, secretly hoping that the deer didn't hear you.

"Yes, come in." You heard his static voice as the music stopped.

Your eyes glanced for a moment at the doorknob and you were tempted to loosely walk down the stairs and hide in the first closet you could find. Alas, your pride was fiercely opposed to it, you had nothing to reproach yourself for...

You opened the door slightly and then declared with full aplomb that you could use

"Hello, Alastor."

The deer, which was in front of is library, froze at the sound of your voice. Its ears were alert on his head and pointed in your direction. As if to see if he really had heard you.

He tilted his head slightly towards you to look at you out of the corner of his eye and then turned around with a big, enthusiastic smile.

"Why, hello dear! " He exclaimed cheerfully as he stood behind his desk, "I did not expect a sudden visit from you! After all, you were really tired from all the emotions you had experienced yesterday. Ah but where are my manners? Please have a sit."

You blinked several times, involuntarily marking your astonishment. You expected him to chase you out of his office or at best to be cold to you. After all, you had dared to touch him, a creature like you was not worthy of touching him, you knew deep down inside that the deer certainly did not appreciate what you had done to him. The rare times Angel tried to touch him or to flirt with him proved it. It almost turned into a disaster almost every time. Why was he acting like that? Of course you weren't going to complain about it, but it was still extremely disturbing.

Alastor cleared his throat, bringing you back to reality. You jumped up and nodded your head and dropped a shy little "thank you" and settled down on the chair.

"May I offer you something to drink? " He asked you in the same welcoming tone.

"Um... No, thank you." You replied looking away, looking a little embarrassed. You couldn't look him in the eye, no matter how many times you tried, you failed miserably and it frustrated you. He himself had admitted that you were not in control of your actions yesterday, so why was it so difficult?

*

Your fists clenched tightly in your lap and you began to nibble your lower lip as his scent attacked your nostrils. Immediately, your mind began to wander about your kiss with the radio demon. Again you felt the warmth of the lava and the ghostly presence of his arms around you.

Oh Lucifer, you would have liked so much to run away again, you wanted to forget that memory, or even just easily take a step back as Alastor seemed to have done, but apparently your pathetic brain was not competent to accomplish your wishes.

"Y/N, dear..." Intervened the deer, taking you out of your thoughts. "Look at me".

Your heart missed a beat. He fucking noticed you were uncomfortable. Obviously... even a moron would have noticed. You bit your tongue and looked into his bright red eyes with an empty look. The deer seemed amused for a few moments and then his smile grew bigger.

"Darling, about yesterday, I don't blame you at all. I know that normally you wouldn't have acted like that, so let's just forget about it, nothing happened, right?"

Strangely, his almost honeyed tone did not reassure you at all, he was lying, you didn't know how you could know it, but he was not completely sincere. However, you understood him, in the end he wanted the same thing as you, to forget, and move on.

You placed a reassuring smile on your face even though inside you just wanted to disappear.

"Yeah, you're right, I'm really sorry for... well, you know."

"Your apologies are accepted my little white wolf," Alastor said with a broad smile, shaking his right hand slightly. You felt your lips tensing when you heard the name he had chosen for you. You had the impression that he considered you as a teenager with his condescending air, it was... really humiliating.... "Let's not talk about it anymore, shall we? Why don't you tell me what you want from me? I don't think you come here just as a social visit, am I right?" He asked placing his head delicately on one of the hands with an innocent look on his face.

You felt a little twitch in your right eye as your nails went deep into your palms, you could already feel your blood leaking from your wounds and running down your skin. Oh, how you wish he had kicked you out of his office, you felt like a clown, a mindless harlequin that Alastor sadistically used to entertain himself.

You could tell he was taking some unhealthy pleasure from the situation. Just look at his eyes. You could easily make out a mocking gleam of "Revenge" of them. You quickly pulled yourself together, there was no way you could inflate his ego any further.

*

"Indeed." You said in an icy tone, almost dropping the deer's smile. "I had a nasty surprise when I got out of the shower." You raised your index finger to the wall and finished in a commanding tone "and that thing is responsible"

Alastor blinked in surprise, then turned to the wall where his shadow was. He raised an eyebrow when he noticed that her shadow was staring defiantly at you as if she was denying your statement.

"Don't play innocent, I don't have time for this." You have provoked angrily. You looked at your shadow and silently ordered her to show herself, which she did reluctantly. She greeted Alastor and his shadow with a small hand gesture and then looked at the ground with a defeatist and resigned look.

Alastor's eyebrows raised almost instantly. He was expecting many things from you, but not that at all. He glanced furtively at his shadow who looked away, refusing to admit his fault.

He'll really have to have a very long talk with it later...

"Oh my! What a surprise !" he cried cheerfully as he stood up and walked towards your shadow to look at it in more detail. "Really I am very astounded, I didn't expect such a spectacular turn of events"

"Indeed... a real 'spectacular turn of events'" You rehearsed ironically.

Your shadow looked at Alastor almost begging.

"I don't want to disappear... please, I don't want to disappear." It stammered, knowing that you couldn't possibly understand it.

The deer looked at it for a moment and then asked for you.

"What do you want to do with it? "

"I want you to restore it to it original appearance, I don't need a living shadow in my plans."

"Oh, are you sure about that? If I were you, I'd think twice about it."

"And why's that?"

"Having a shadow free to move has many advantages, you can transmit messages faster, be in two places at once in a way,plus, it's great company and a good weapon to defend yourself." He explained

"I'm not so desperate for affection as to take refuge in the arms of a "friendly shadow" unlike you, Alastor." You responded with animosity.

Alastor laughed at your angry face and then answered with a tone of pride and amusement as he leaned towards you.

"Oh really? "He provoked in a wily tone, "That's not what I saw yesterday, dear."

Your eyebrows frowned instantly, and if you hadn't crossed your arms, you'd certainly have slapped him in the face with fury.

"You're such a boor." You retorted with acidity.

"What a temperament," replied Alastor, straightening up. "Hell should have reincarnated you as a serpent. You spit out your words crudely like the cobra spits out its venom."

You began to lose feeling in your lower legs, unconsciously your shoulders went back and your chin rose.

"Look at the beam in your eye before you look at the mote in mine Alastor." You coldly replied, "The deer is a symbol of royalty, but it's still prey." You walked up to him confidently and with a twisted smile you added, "Just like a king it can defend itself and is highly respected, but if it makes a mistake, whether in its actions, or when it decides to ally or confront someone, its head could fall off and be crudely exposed on a wall, don't forget that."

Alastor's eyes crinkled with contempt as he watched your smug smile. A little white noise from his throat was a sign of his discontent, and you, for your part, were content to just defy him with your eyes.

*

"OH MY LUCIFER! " A voice suddenly shouted out, your eyes widened as you recognized that voice.

You turned your head violently towards the door to see Nikolai looking at your shadow with stars in his eyes.

Oh... damn it... why?

"She's just beautiful!" He shouted as he entered the office and approached her. Your shadow tilted her head to the side with some trepidation, and then a big maternal smile formed on her face as she affectionately stroked the boy's head, "Wow, that really looks like you. " the child laughed as she turned to you. "Oh sorry, hello Bam- Al."

"Why, hello little man." Alastor said cheerfully, taking advantage of your unenthusiastic expression. "Yes, I think the resemblance is striking too. However our dear Y/N would rather have an ordinary shadow." Explained the deer in an almost dramatic tone that bristled at you almost instantly.

Now he was trying to make you look bad in front of Nik? Seriously?

"WHAT?" exclaimed the boy. "Are you crazy Y/N? It's great to have a shadow like that, I don't know how you did it but I'm really jealous, please can we keep her? she doesn't look like she could hurt a fly! Plus she's so cute! Come on, please! Please, please, please, please, please! "He begged you while he was making his puppy eyes of which he had the secret.

You, on the other hand, weren't thrilled at all. You gave Alastor a black look and he looked at you with an almost "Angelique" look on his face as if to say, "Come on...you wouldn't want that child to be sad, would you?". You turned your eyes away for a few moments and then cast an icy glance at your shadow as a warning.

"All right, if you want it so badly, I'll make an effort, but if there's any accident, I'll go back on my decision."

The child clapped his hands happily several times and hugged you. Your shadow uttered a little noise that sounded like a sigh of relief and it gave you a horrible shiver of disgust down your spine.

"You really are the best Y/N! Thank you so much" Nikolai thanked happily.

"You're welcome, my little angel, now would you mind telling me what brings you here?"

"Oh, yes, that's right! " He shouted as if he had forgotten something vital "Yes, I was looking for you all over the hotel to tell you that Fos had arrived with Mirar and Thénardier."

You were about to answer but Alastor interrupted you.

"Fos? The owner of the newspaper "Hidden Truths"?"

"Himself, Why? Do you know him? "Nikolai asked suspiciously.

"Let's say he and I are old acquaintances."

"Sorry but, coming from you it's not very reassuring," replied the child raising an eyebrow.

"It was a very good time when each one of us was defending his passion young man, Fos taking up his pen and I was hosting my radio show, in the end this poor man gave me the vast majority of his audience in his defeat and his newspaper almost went bankrupt."Alastor laughted, moving his hands with excitement as he remembered the media battle he had participated in.

"riiiiiiiiight ... " replied the child, looking suspiciously at the deer. "Oh Y/N you should go, I'll join you in a few minutes" Nicolaï warned you without taking your eyes off Alastor. "I've got something I need to take from my room and it's important. »

"It's okay, sweet heart, thanks again for letting me know they're here."

You let him out of the office and once you heard him coming down the stairs you sighed silently while looking coldly at your shadow. Too bad, you were going to have to deal with that forgery of you for a moment.

*

"Well, I guess I don't need that favor anymore." You sighed as you turned to face the stag.

"You don't need to bend to that child's wishes, you're far too nice with him. " criticized Alastor with a mocking smile.

"Oh, are you jealous?" you asked earnestly.

"Not in the least darling," replied the deer taking some papers from his desk and sorting them out. "Do you mind if I talk to Fos later?"

"Why?"

"Well, I'm going to have to react to his article, aren't I? " Alastor simply replied as if it was a stupid question. "It's essential that I familiarize myself a little more with his writing style and see what he intends to write according to what come out of your interview with Vox."

You frowned critically. Why didn't he ask you for anything in return for this service? It was too suspicious, someone like him would ask you to do him a favor.

"And what would you want in return? "You asked

"What makes you think I'd want anything, Darling? "He questioned as he innocently played with his ugly microphone...

"Because I know you. "You've said with enough self-importance. "People like you don't do things out of the goodness of your heart."

The deer rolled his eyes with a fake amusement and then placed his hands behind his back.

"Indeed, however you're already going to pay me back without my having to make a contract with you."

"I beg your pardon?"

"Come on, my dear, it's so obvious! " Shouted the demon as he grabbed your shoulder. "For someone who knows me, I'm a little disappointed." He leaned over you in a way that instantly made you uncomfortable, then grabbed your chin and pulled you closer to his face, gaining a small embarrassed blush on your face. "You're going to entertain me, I have no doubt about it, I don't care what the result of this interview, I know you'll be splendid."

At that moment you were only half listening to what the deer was saying, you were too fascinated by its glowing red eyes, no matter how hard you tried to back away from it, you couldn't get away, your feet were like rooted to the ground, you couldn't move or look away. You were as if hypnotized by all this malice, this trickery, and this morbid self-confidence contained in his eyes, without realizing it, your lips separated very gently and your legs trembled under your weight.

Breathing became a torment, with each breath you felt your heartbeat accelerating and your stomach boiling in the heat of a stifling desire. A desire that threatened to make you lose control at any moment.

You were hungry.

*

And in the most sadistic way, your mind began to wander, without you being able to control it. You saw yourself pushing the deer to the ground and hitting him in the face again and again in terrifying bestiality, no matter how badly your fists were bruised by all those blows.

You saw yourself ferociously grabbing his wrists and nailing them above his head and tearing his shirt and skin at the same time with your free hand.

Oh Lucifer, even if it was only a sordid fantasy, your brain made you feel the smell of his blood and the sound of his groans of pain.

In your old life you would have simply ignored this, but here it was completely different, your breath became shorter as you imagined the body of the radio demon twisting into the most painful positions to escape your grasp, it was so thrilling that you could have sworn you felt some pleasant tingling in your lower region.

It all intensified when you saw yourself biting him savagely on the neck and heard him yelp in pain, and felt his body tensing up beneath you. It was pure pleasure, especially when your mind imagined the bitter deer blood flowing on your tongue, and at that precise moment you saw yourself completely out of control. With an inhuman grunt that could have made a Cerberus tremble, your fangs tore off part of the deer's flesh, you swallowed it almost instantly and then started again and again, ignoring its fictitious cries of pain. For a moment you imagined him freeing his hands and scratch and bite you ferociously.

However, in spite of the subtle pleasure you felt in the pit of your stomach through the stabbing pain, you didn't care...

You were too hungry and his taste was far too divine to care...

*

"Moreover, you know my dear..." said a static voice that brought you out of your horrible daydream. You blinked several times to come back to reality and your legs almost gave out when you felt that Alastor's hand was still under your chin and that demon deer was still close to you. Alastor suddenly let go and then backed away. "The most amusing part of this interview is that I will finally see real emotions on your face, indeed in the conditions you will be in, it will be impossible for you to hold your mask on for very long, it will break at some point. Under what conditions? I don't know and that's not what matters to me in the first place. All I know is that it will be a real passion that will be unleashed on this stage and that's all I ask to kill my boredom."

You remained silent with your mouth slightly open, your vocal cords still paralyzed by what your mind had machiavelliously imagined.

"Are you listening to me darling?" Alastor asked.

You tried to answer, but all that came out of your throat was a grotesque, barely audible sound, as if you had suddenly become mute. Luckily for you, after taking a quick breath to regain your composure and regain control of your thoughts you were able to nod your head and respond.

"Yes, I'm listening." You answered, trying to hide your embarrassment. "I'm just surprise to your absolute desire for entertainment" you coldly declared.

Alastor gave you an almost sympathetic smile and then replied.

"As I said to our lovely princess, the world is a stage, and the stage is a world of entertainment. It would be foolish not to take advantage of it before the curtain closes completely, don't you think?"

You folded your arms while you thought about what he had just said. He wasn't really wrong about that. When you were still alive, you had learned that many of the world's famous charities only gave only 1% of their income to those who really needed it, the rest went into pubs, into stupid accessories to encourage good souls to give even more money, or into the pockets of the bosses. Meanwhile, the children who were used in these ads continued to starve.

Yes, the world was a scene... a sordid scene, that made you want to vomit.

*

"I don't like to laugh at the misery of the world, but rather at those who spread it, that is entertaining." you replied.

"Oh I understand you completely, there's nothing more satisfying than to see a man who thinks he's in complete control fall into the infernal abyss of failure. Maybe you'll achieve this feat during your interview," said the deer with a very enthusiastic smile.

"I'd like to..." The words left your mouth naturally. Oh yes you would like. People like Vox or Killjoy made you sick, especially with their ease in impersonating victims and getting through justice. "But if I can get people to come here, it'll be a victory." You said, turning your heels. "I guess I'll see you later since you want to talk to Fos?"

"Indeed my dear, I still have a few things to settle," said Alastor in a static voice that hurt your ears, suddenly you noticed that he was looking at his shadow and not at you. Oh well ... you were glad you were not in that creature's shoes.

"All right, well, I'll see you later and sorry for the inconvenience." You said politely on your way to the door.

"Please, my dear, it was a pleasure chatting with you."

Yeah, that's right, you sadistic deer.

*

You walked out of his office without saying a word and then leaned against the door, looking at your hands in panic. The images that your brain imagined were coming back to you like a fucking boomerang. It couldn't have sounded right in your mind, and yet... you felt something. An unhealthy part of you that you'd never known before. It was wrong.

Your breathing quickened as you put one hand on your head and the other against your lips.

It was unhealthy, it was fucking unhealthy.

In your stress, you bit your index finger hard without realizing it, to the point of bleeding.

It was bad. All you could hear in your head was the word "Danger." You've never had such morbid impulses before, even with your boss.

Suddenly you realized, was that why you kissed him? What would've happened if you hadn't been interrupted? Would you have bitten him? Would you have tried to eat him?

You shook your head and preferred to stay in denial, you needed it, your sanity needed it. This desire that was eating you up inside was dangerous, deep inside you knew that if you followed it, you would be putting yourself in danger.You had to think about something else....

Go back to work...yeah... that was it...

You had to go back to work, you didn't have time to waste, and especially not with this kind of bullshit, you had to ignore this feeling, you had to go back to work. You had no right to deviate from your goal.

Keeping your promise... that's all that was supposed to matter to you and nothing else.

*

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