Sandi Hinolan

Everything is in flashing light, but all I see is pitch-black.

Everyone are having the best time of their lives, but here I am, watching them from afar.

Everybody are making noises, but the silence is making me deaf.

They've said I got their back when things go shitty, but when I got nothing and the world turned its back on me, no one was there for me.

Sa dami ng taong nangakong mananatili hanggang huli, wala ni-isa sa kanila ang nanatili.

Could this world be any worse? Could people be worst than the evil? Could I be worst than any of them?

I want to condemn them for everything they've done to me. But putting the blame unto others will bring no good to me. Lalo na ngayong huli na ang lahat at nasa ibaba na ako. Mabuti sana kung maisasalba nito ang nawasak kong reputasyon. Siguro, araw-araw akong manininisi at iisa-isahin ko pa sila.

I pause for a while. Hinabol ko ang hininga ko. I rested my both hands on my knees and waited for my heart and lungs to calm down.

When everything is under control, I slowly look in front of me and watch how the rising sun touched its rays into the tip of the well-known monument in the middle of my birth city.

I stood up and a little smile form in my lips when I remembered how this city help me with almost everything.

Even if the world turn its back on me, I know you will never leave me behind. Thank you for sticking up with me, Escalante City.

I wiped the sweat that formed on my forehead and continued my journey.

I'm done with my morning routine kaya pauwi na ako ngayon. Pero bago 'yon, pumasok muna ako sa madadaanan kong 7/11 na katapat lang ng monument na kanina'y tinitingnan ko. Just to clear things up, bibili lang ako ng tubig.

"'Day, 'di ba si Sandi Hinolan 'yan?"

I was about to grab that bottle of mineral water when I heard the two girls, few meters away from me, talked. Naiwan sa ere ang kamay ko at biglang nanigas sa kinatatayuan ko.

Heto na naman tayo…

"Oo, 'day, 'yong dating artista. Tiga-rito 'yan sa atin, e."

"Hala, teka, magpa-picture tayo, 'day. At saka, picture-an na rin natin siya tapos i-post natin sa Facebook, paniguradong maiinggit 'yong mga fans niya kapag nagpa-picture tayo sa kaniya."

"'Wag na, 'day. Laos na 'yan. Wala na 'yang fans. Sa sobrang laos n'yan, walang makakapansin sa post mo. Hindi na magiging trending 'yan kahit anong klaseng issue pa ang gawin n'yan."

I succesfully grabbed the bottled water with shaking hands. My heart beats the fastest again and I am about to pool my eyes.

"Tara na, 'day, baka marinig niya pang pinag-uusapan natin siya't mag-feeling na sikat pa rin siya."

Dating artista. Laos. Ang ibig sabihin ba ng laos ay walang silbi? Ganoon na ba talaga ang tingin nila sa akin? Parang kailan lang, ang dami-daming nagsasabing ako na ang pinaka-sikat na artista dito sa Pilipinas and no one can ever replace and beat how amazing I am as an artist. Pero bakit ngayon…

I relaxed my self a bit and thankful enough na hindi tuluyang bumagsak ang namuong luha sa gilid ng aking mata.

Bitbit ang bottled water, tinungo ko ang cashier counter to pay for what I got. I lowered my head para makaiwas ng pansin sa iba, though walang katao-tao ang store na ito dahil it's early in the morning pa naman. Luckily din na wala na 'yong dalawang babaeng magkausap kanina sa may beverages area.

I silently payed for the bottled water. Siguro, puyat na puyat 'yong cashier kasi hindi man lang niya napansin na ako 'yong nasa harapan niya… o talagang laos na ako gaya ng sabi ng iba?

I didn't mind that thinking. Umagang-umaga, dapat good vibes lang ako.

I went out of the store while drinking the bottled water.

I was about to jog back home when a car suddenly stopped right in front of me. Umusog ako ng kaonti para magbigay daan sa kung sino man ang lalabas sa kotseng iyon.

A group of guys went out and suddenly, the people flock in front of me that made this world more chaotic.

"Girl! Si Siggy nandito!"

"Omo, Siggy!"

"DJ Siggy! Hi po!"

At kung anu-ano pang klaseng sigaw.

Before I got lost in his eyes, I was able t

o see how he looked at me.

Our eyes met. I expected to see a loving eyes, the eyes I once admired, but all I see is darkness. Just like how his love to me turned in the end.

~