THE MISSING PART

The cafeteria is crowded, natch, clamorous with chattering students, every topic, every group. Somebody's shouting for someone skipping the line. That is my usual expectation, yet today everything is so unfocused, distorted and blurred, faded by the wind. All I can see are the two trays of food on the table that Nixon picked for our lunch.

I slide up my perspective to Nixon as I shared with him what I've been musing at. "I supposed to tell him, fill him in, that you already texted me. Anyway he is the one introducing us. But, it seems that I can't do that today. I have no idea what occurred on him if he's just irritable or he really detests me."

Nixon takes my hand and caresses it smoothly with his thumb." Cloe, I know that your affected since you and Ziggy are so close. But there is something else I want to know. Besides the friendship you have, is there something more? Do you feel something more than just amity?"

Dumfounded with Nixon's query, I'm totally out of words. At that same moment, I caught sight of Ziggy and Bettina walking hand in hand towards the cafeteria, making me more dismay that I can't almost bear my excruciating emotion; it feels like my knees turn to jellies. So, without a sound, I pull my hands out of Nixon's and rush to the lavatory.

One big banging sound echoes the whole washroom. I push it that hard to close it, the moment I step inside that suffocating room as suffocating as this emotion. Hence, I open my mouth to gasp for air, take the deepest breath I can make, and let the tears flow freely from my eyes.

Taking out some silent mourn in such a way, none a single ear can perceive me crying from my place of escape. I just need to let my emotion out and in few minutes, I'm gonna be fine 'coz I need to be.

*****

After I fill in my tummy with the sumptuous dinner my mom prepared that night at home. I go straight to my room and exchange some texts with Dina.

(Dina) I'm done with printing the photos and put them in an album too. I'm very impressed with your shots, the images of Ziggy and Bettina, looking so much in love with each other. Wow, as if you're a pro.

(Cloe) I'm sorry if I have to pass you the task, the printing of the photo.

(Dina) NP dear, as your VP, I'm always here to assist. Besides, I'm thrilled you did an excellent job making our Valentine's Dating Game initiative a big success. As in, they indeed turned out to be a real couple.

(Cloe) Couple? You mean Ziggy and Bettina, they're together?

(Dina) Yes, and it's totally spread out, that they're official.

(Cloe typing) Official? Maybe that's why

I fail to finish and send my last text when I hear mom knocking at the door. "Cloe darling, can you come out for a while? Somebody's looking for you."

Like a whirlwind and full of excitement, I opened the door, "Is it Zig?"

"Nope, and if I'm not mistaken, his name is Nixon?" She answered.

All my excitement seems Gone with the Wind, even though I'm not that excited that it was Nixon and not Zig. Still, there's some flatter brought about by having noticed and visited by somebody as popular as Nixon, besides being handsome, varsity player, Mr. University titleholder, dean's listed, and more talents that are too many to mention. He seems too perfect to notice his flaws.

I drop by the mirror to check my reflection if traces from crying is still visible in my appearance. Applies few taps of foundation on my face to cover it up, thinking it's no longer that obvious. Eventually, I went down.

I found Nixon sitting silently on the sofa. Eyes glued on TV, in his hand is a little bouquet and a gift box. I didn't get his attention not until I'm just about in front of him.

He stands up to greet me after he catches sight of me and hands me his presents. "How are you. I'm so worried about you. Are you fine?"

After I offered him to sit and carefully put down his presents on the center table, I sat down. I crack a slim smile before I say," I'm all right, just slightly not feeling well, a while ago. By the way, I would like to say sorry, I failed to notify you and just left off." Heads bent down, eyes focused on the floor, trying so much to avoid his gaze.

"Don't think about it. That's not a problem. Too bad, I haven't apprehended that you're not feeling well. I should not let you go by yourself." Looking intently at me, as if scanning for something on my face or my expression. "Are you certain you're okay?" In his most delicate way, he holds my chin and raises it to see my face clearly. "Have you been crying?"

I look away in a jiffy, eyes laid directly on the television. "No, I'm not."

"You can't deny it, Cloe; I know you're hurt, and I know that you got that special feeling for Ziggy, more than just a friend. I tend to see, too, that you're trying to neglect the idea of falling for him."

I stay unstirred, not a word, not a reaction. In an effort to overpower my emotion, but I failed. Crystal clear liquid drops again inevitably from my eyes. I've never been more confused about my feelings after hearing the harsh truth of Nixon's words. Left me with some reflection.

Did I surely love Ziggy more than I expected? Could it be why I'm terribly hurt like this, or maybe it's just a fit of unreasonable, immature jealousy because I missed my best friend? Yet, the more that I should not love him, now that he's already my cousin's lover.

I wipe out my tears at the same time I reclined my back on the sofa. "Perhaps, I'm just habituated to having him around. Perhaps, I just missed him."

Nixon holds me by my upper-arm, both in his big, strong palms, for me to face towards him. "Cloe, I want to fill the part that's missing in your life. If you lose your best friend, then I can be your best friend. In fact, I can be more and whatever you want. I love you, Cloe and I don't want to see you cry ever again." He takes one of my hands and kissed the hind of my palm. "So can I be part of your life?" He continued.

"What exactly part of my life, you want to be?" I smiled with timidity, biting my lips as I ask him.

"Anything you want me to be and if it's not too much to ask. Can I be your boyfriend?" Nixon implies it with smiles and his pleading eyes.

I mutter, not a single word, just a hug of thousand meanings. For, even me is not deliberately sure how I want him to understand it. Me neither, I do not know if It means. Yes, I accept you as my boyfriend or no, because I'm in love with someone else. But, it seems his way of perception says that that hug foretells a grant on his wish. He looks at me with glimmers in his eyes. Thereupon, he moves close and kissed me on my lips. Brought by being surprised, I implausibly pushed him away. Makes him wonder. "Sorry, you don't like it?"

"No, it's not that. As much as I like it, I am not comfortable. Since this is the first time I'm doing this." My excuse.

He smiled again, believing what I've said. "I love you, Cloe." He grasps me again in his strong arms and sealed a kiss on my cheek.