Chapter 20

Here life has death for neighbour,

And far from eye or ear

Wan waves and wet winds labor,

Weak ships and spirits steer;

They drive adrift, and whither

They wot not who make thither;

But no such winds blow hither,

And no such things grow here.

"The Garden of Proserpine"

by Algernon Charles Swinburne

The chill woke Caroline with cold, creeping tendrils, stealing beneath the thin hotel blankets. Bleary-eyed, she reached for the comforting warmth of Lincoln's body. But he wasn't there. She jolted awake, crying out in fear.

"Lincoln! Lincoln!" Terror shot through her like a shotgun blast. Her lungs seized, her vision blacked out, and she bent double over the side of the bed, dry-heaving.

"Caroline." Lincoln's deep, rumbling purr of a whisper was there beside her, his arms strong and warm as they wound around her, pinning her to the bed, like the roots of an ancient tree. He hadn't abandoned her in the dark. She was safe. She wasn't alone. Great gasping, gulping sobs escaped her with such force, she wondered if her lungs might bleed from the stress.

"Shhh" His beard rubbed her forehead, and she buried her face against him, needing to be assured by all five of her senses that this wasn't a dream. She couldn't smell things in her dreams.

"I thought you left meI"

"Never." He said the word softly, yet it seemed to vibrate through her, echoing deeper than anything else in her life ever had. It seemed to be more than a declaration of love. It was a vow, an unbreakable one. But how could he make such a vow to her? They were strangers, thrown together by circumstances and tragedy.

"I'm sorry," she murmured, her lips brushing his neck.

His arms tightened around her. She realized they were lying down on her bed, his body partially covering hers. He gently cocooned her beneath him, just the way she liked. She couldn't miss his hardened arousal that dug into her hip, but it didn't frighten her. She wanted himshe needed him in the most primal way. The fear of losing him had made one thing clear to her. She didn't want to go another moment without knowing the intimate touch of another, and there was only one man she wanted.

The first day they'd met he'd said it would come to this; animal lust and the desire for physical comfort. Damn him, he had been right. She would hate him and herself tomorrow. But right now she needed him.

"Please, Lincoln." She kissed his throat and wriggled beneath him, trying to entice him to slide between her legs.

"No, not tonight," he said, before he stole a slow, drugging kiss that made her body ache and her toes curl.

"Yes. I've been wanting you for weeks," she admitted, arching her hips and curling one leg around his ass. "And you've been avoiding me." God, right now she loved his ass, tight and firmit gave a girl the best fantasies about digging her nails into it while he fucked her senseless. Not that she'd ever experienced that. Her list of ex-boyfriends was short. She'd cared about each of them, but none of them had really been intense like Lincoln.

He was so physically present, so strong and at home in his own skin. That natural confidence was hotter than hell. When he had kissed her that first time, she'd felt almost as confident as him, because she had tasted that primal hunger on his lips and knew it was for her. He just wanted her the way she was in that moment. Naked, gasping his name, and nearly blacking out with pleasure. She'd tasted all of that on his lips and seen it in his eyes. A girl could get drunk on something that like.

"PleaseI'll beg," she groaned and rocked herself against him. "You want that?"

"Caroline, I'm not a gentleman. I'mI'm rough. I can't always hold back once I get started. I will stop if you ask, but I don't make loveI fuck. Hard."

All she could do was moan at how his low, rough words made her feel. She was in heaven. Rough was what she needed. Something to distract her from her fears for the future.

"Hard is good," she assured him.

He kissed her then, devouring any resistance she might have put up had she wanted to. Their mouths stung each other with sharp need. He bit her bottom lip, then licked away the sting, each kiss more blistering than the last. She was greedy for more, wanting to feel his body and his mouth and hands all over her. His tongue invaded her mouth, dueling with hers before he moved down to her neck, nipping and sucking on her skin in between hot kisses. Her body was on fire, wetness pooling between her thighs. The burden of her clothes was suddenly too much.

She struggled with her sweater. He moved quickly, sensing her goal, and with one easy move tugged her sweater off. Then he slid down her body and removed her jeans just as easily. She was down to her panties and bra when he pounced on her. More kisses followed, hard ones that branded her as his. She scraped her teeth over his shoulder and clutched at him in wild desperation.

"How do you want it?" he growled as he reached for his pants. "Hands and knees or on your back?"

"Stop wasting time and?"

He didn't let her finish. He rolled her onto her stomach, then lifted her onto her knees. He jerked her panties down to her knees and put a hand on her back, pushing her so she bent forward and rested on her forearms. Then his shaft was nudging her entrance. She parted her thighs wider, panting as he rubbed her folds, coating himself in her wetness.

"Yes," she gasped, wanting now more than ever to feel him inside her.

He rewarded her by filling her completely, his hips slamming against her ass as he fully seated himself, and she cried out at the shock. She felt speared all the way through to her heart. There was nothing else in her head now, no other thoughts. There was only this, only him with her in the dark. She rotated her hips in slow circles, pushing back against him, his rough chuckle sending shivers of sensual delight through her.

Lincoln grasped her hair, pulling it back so she arched her body, thrusting her breasts forward. There was something erotic about still wearing a bra while being fucked, knowing Lincoln was so desperate to take her that he didn't even stop to remove every last scrap of clothing. He pulled himself almost all the way out and then plunged back in, filling her again. They were one in a way she'd never been with any lover before. She felt attuned to him, and he to her.

Pull, thrust, gasp, moan They created a symphony of intense sounds accompanied by the tap-tap-tap of the headboard against the wall. They moved together as he relentlessly rammed into her over and over. She cried out over and over with animalistic fierceness as she gave in to her most primal urges. He kept thrusting into her, clasping her hips as he pushed her to her limits. His hold would leave bruises tomorrow, ones she'd wear proudly because he wasn't hurting herhe was owning her, and she was owning him right back.

They didn't need sweet words or sympathy right now. They needed this. Dark, primal pleasures, each reminding the other that they were strong and alive. She matched him stroke for stroke, push for push, and when he reached around her and found her clit, rubbing it with his fingers, she was lost.

The orgasm hit her full force, shattering her senses. She surrendered to it, collapsing down on the bed. Lincoln kept her ass in the air as he fucked her hard a moment longer, finding his release within her, and she loved that. His body tensed, and she felt the heat spread deep inside her. A long moment later she lay panting beneath him, and she realized that neither of them had thought to use a condom. He had a whole pouch full, and he hadn't even used one.

Oh God

Neither of them said a word for a long while. When she thought he was close to drifting off, he suddenly spoke, causing her to tense.

"I'm sorry. I got carried away." He nuzzled her neck and pressed a sweet kiss to her skin. He'd fucked her like a warrior and now cuddled like a tame tiger.

"I got carried away too. We never even had the talk, like good adults are supposed to."

His rich chuckle would have made her smile at any other time. "The talk? What's that?"

"You know" She blushed. "Are you clean of diseases? Am I on the pill? Do we need a condom?"

"Oh" His chuckling stopped. "That talk."

She braced herself. "Lincoln, I'm not on the pill, but I'm clean."

"Me too. Clean," he replied, nuzzling her ear. "Now's the part where we talk about the fact that I just fucked you bareback? I wish I could say I regret it, but I sure as hell don't. You were a slice of heaven."

His words made her blush deepen, and she was thankful for the darkness, but it also made her warm and gooey inside. He was certainly no poet, but he knew how to make her feel like a goddess.

"We have to be careful. What if What if we end up having a baby?" It was a dangerous question in a dangerous world.

"Then we handle it."

"Handle it?" Her voice pitched up an octave uncomfortably. "You do realize we don't exactly have doctors and hospitals anymore. If things stay like this, the risk factor is going to be high giving birth. Then there's the question of even raising a child in this world"

"I know."

"And you're the one who keeps talking like it's the end of days."

"I know, butI want to believe it won't stay that way."

It was the first she'd ever heard him even hint at the possibility of a better future.

"But it's up to you. Like you said, the risks are higher right now. Keep it or" He didn't finish, and she realized what he meant. She'd always known her feelings on unexpected pregnancies. Despite the world having gone to hell around her, her thoughts hadn't changed. She thought of a child with a flutter of hope. Would it be immune? Would she be forced to watch it perish from the virus?

"I thinkI think I'd want to keep it," she whispered, then held her breath to see if he would react badly. "If it happens."

"Then that's what we do," Lincoln replied, his arms holding her closer to him, and he pulled the sheets up around them.

"What do you want to do? It's our choice, one we should make together." While it was happening inside her body, they had done this together, and whatever came of it, she wanted him to know she valued his feelings.

"Ihonestly?"

"Honestly," she insisted.

He breathed in her ear, his heart beating faster against her back while she lay against his chest.

"I think we should be more careful from now on, until things improve. I don't want a life on the run with a child. The dangers, aside from Hydra, are numerous. Bandits, murderers, rapists. God knows what's out there. We don't know of anywhere that's truly safe anymore. How can I feel like a good father when all I would do is put my child in danger?"

His honesty hurt, but she needed to hear it because those were his feelings.

"But if I wanted to keep it, you wouldwant to stay and be a father to it?"

She'd never felt more vulnerable than she did now, laying herself emotionally bare to this man. She was essentially asking for a commitment from him. He could leave her tonight while they slept, and she could be left alone, possibly pregnant. Fear seized her, and she rolled to face him, watching the moonlight hit his face. He looked old, not in years, but in life, like she was gazing upon the statute of an ancient king. Solemn, tragic, mysteriousthey all crowned him in the darkness that lay between them.

"If you wanted it, I would find a way to keep you and the baby safe," he said. "No matter what."

She sighed and pressed her lips to his throat in a gentle kiss.

"But we don't have to worry about that now. We won't know for a few weeks. I'll raid the first pharmacy we come across for a pregnancy test." He brushed a lock of her hair back from her face and tucked it behind her ear. "You should get some sleep."

"Could we sleep skin to skin?" she asked, feeling oddly uncomfortable in her bra while he still wore his jeans. He pulled back the covers, and they both stripped down to nothing. He pulled her back into his arms.

"To think this happened because I thought we should be in separate beds to avoid this." He chuckled, but she was too exhausted to focus on what he said.

She drifted into a twilight sleep where she was somewhat aware of her dreams of a dark-haired, brown-eyed child running in the woods, swallowed up by darkness while she and Lincoln cried out as they searched for their child. Would any child in this world ever be safe again? Not having an answer to that haunted her, destroying any chance of happy dreams.