Don't Trust Katherines

Do you know how hard it is to be a hopeless romantic? Perhaps you do, or maybe you don't. But Liam sure does. He was just eighteen years old when he ran out of tears. If there's a guy in The World's Happiest Country that knows how a broken heart feel, is him. Not because he had been cheated on more times than your fingers can count before he had enough age to drive a car, nor because he wasn't a popular kind of guy who has lots of girls chasing him wherever he went. Actually, when he thought about it, the only thing that popped up in his mind was this hopeless romantic condition. He didn't know what it was, though, but he sure hated it like hell.

Having grown in a home full of women, you would expect him to be used to talk to girls all the time, or at least to be acquainted with their presence. The truth is, whatsoever, that he was a library mouse. He hated all kinds of social environments. And for someone who hated being surrounded by people, a bookstore fitted like a ring to his finger. He could handle perfectly well talking to someone else, the only thing was that he usually got bored of them after a couple of minutes. This caused him to develop a very cold but still smart personality. This would never affect his academic goals nor his future as a working citizen. His emotional life was the one in danger here. But here's the thing. He didn't get bored with girls. In this case, it was the other way around. So, while guys thought that he was a pain in the ass, girls on the other side of the ring didn't show even a bit of interest on him. At least not after a short conversation.

He was a handsome guy, still. Tall, curly hair, green eyes, charming smile, and anything else you wouldn't expect from a book addict. And this was the reason why he also was smart and sharp. His family was wealthy, but he didn't like this fact to be known, which is why he always worked in a bookstore right after school. He had just started his senior year and his college admission was the last thing he had to worry about. His graduation was a couple months around the corner, but he didn't seem to be overwhelmed with tests nor grades. He was pretty sure that he would get the top results on his final tests that would open doors for him everywhere. So, if he wasn't worried about money, nor status, nor grades, what was going through his mind?

Nothing, to be honest. He had it all but still felt that he had a void inside his heart. And trying to fill that void with thousands of books was his favorite hobby. He particularly liked teen stories a lot, and it makes sense. For someone who was used to smart, complicated, and long readings, something heartwarming like a love book was great to help him get distracted.

This is the reason why he started to see himself as a hopeless romantic. He thought he knew everything he needed to be a good lover, and perhaps he did. However, if there was something that science had taught him over the years was that the theory was completely different from the practice, and for some reason, his practice never went as the theory claimed that it should. As a result, his heart got broken more than once. And he really didn't get it. He had read about it in hundreds of books with thousands of good stories, but it still didn't work. So, if it was a lie, how could his favorite writers such as John Green, Joyo Moyes, Tyler Davidson, or even Jay Asher, lie about something like that in their books?

He had been with several girls during his school days, which was impressive, considering the fact that he hated social encounters. Still, he was never the one who went to talk to a girl in a flirty way. Instead, it was the girl the one that went up to him, while he was reading, most of the time. The last time this happened, he was seated on a bench with a red book between his hands, under a soft orange sky. He wasn't a fan of the comedy genre, but he sure liked smart books, and An Abundance of Katherines by John Green was the perfect combination between sharp and romantic worlds. He was enjoying Colin's adventures until this black-haired girl with a green sweater and a beautiful smile filled the space next to him on the bench.

—Is that book a way to flirt with girls named Katherine? Or you actually like John Green?

—Well… It depends. Are you named Katherine?

—Perhaps.

—Then both. However, my name isn't Colin. I'm Liam —he said while he glanced at her with a teasing smile.

—Nice to meet you, Liam. I'm Katherine, but in my case, my name doesn't have a roman numeral after it.

—I'm glad, adding it is never a good omen.

—It isn't, ha, ha, ha. But at least I think Colin did a big mistake by forgetting about Katherine XIX. Nothing good comes from leaving a Katherine.

—Oh, really? So, you did read the book, ah? Then you are aware that Colin ended up staying with Lindsey, right?

—Well, yeah… Then I'm glad that you aren't Colin —she glanced back at him with the same teasing smile upon her face.

They started dating right after that. Some months later, in April 2024, Liam was seated on the same bench under a very similar orange sky as back then. However, this time, he had a girl right next to him, with another book between his hands.

—Liam.

—Yeah?

—I'm going to break up with you.

Delay.

—What? Why?

—Because there's no place for me in your life and you know it. You're always either reading or studying and you can't even take your time to be with me.

This wasn't true, and Liam knew it. He had always been kind and lovely with her, giving her the right time and priority, treating her like a queen. And still, she cheated on him, and Liam knew it perfectly well, too.

—Do you remember when we met? I was reading a book right here and you said that you were glad that I wasn't Colin. And right now, I wish you weren't a Katherine.

—What do you mean? How do you remember that?

—I know that you cheated on me.

—That's not true! How you dare to accuse me like that? I've always been loyal to you.

—Really? Then why you keep hiding your phone every time we speak? Are you afraid of me seeing something I shouldn't?

—What?! —she yelled while she stood up. Right after it, Katherine's phone started ringing.

—Aren't you gonna answer?

—Look. This is over, okay? I don't have to give you explanations. Now leave me alone. Goodbye, Liam —she concluded with a now angry glance upon her face. After that, she just walked away, leaving Liam alone with those two last words ringing inside his head, again, while one single last tear ran through his cheek. "Goodbye, Liam". It wasn't the first time he heard them, and still, it probably wasn't going to be the last one.

His frustration and pain turned into hate after his heartbreak count exceeded the 20's. He started to hate love. Not in stories, because he knew that it was a fantasy love. He started to hate real live romance. Then, a new question popped up inside his mind. Is there a way to avoid feelings completely? Is it possible to turn off that fucking love switch once and for all? With his emotional goals changing to the complete opposite, Liam was sure that he could be completely happy by getting rid of his feelings. He just needed to find a way to avoid falling in love for someone. He was sure that if he got away from his exes and pushed away any possible crush that he may have anywhere close to his house or the bookstore, he would be able to avoid catching feelings.

He was so sure that it would work, that he asked me to write this guide, based on his experience. But when he came to me, I was surprised about the fact that he explicitly asked me to include an epilogue. The reason? He said it was important to explain what you should do if you fail. I've heard and written several love stories along my years as an author, and I know that when you start writing a guide to get rid of love, you don't add that kind of epilogue unless you failed. If that's the case, it will be hard to use this experience as a guide that might be useful to you. But still, it might be quite interesting to read anyway, right?