6

KABANATA 6: Body Heat

I BIT my lower lip to prevent a sound of agony. I wiped my tears and controlled my breath. He doesn't want to hear any sounds, I'll be damn if I do even a little screech. I am staring at the dark sky from the window of the same room with him.

Napabalikwas ako at napalingon sa kanya nang marinig s'yang sumipol. Humalukipkip ako sa sahig at pinagmasdan siyang sumisipol habang hawak ang baril.

"What's your name?"

Napasinok ako, bakit iba ang dating ng tanong niyang iyon? Minutes passed, I remained silent and didn't answered his question. I gasped when he point his gun at me, damn, he's living to scare me and I'm still alive to fear him.

"What is your name?"

Madiin ang mga salitang kanyang binitawan, muli akong nakaramdam ng pag-iyak kaya kinalma ko ang aking sarili upang huwag itong matuloy.

"B-Belle,"

"Belle?"

"Belle Damsel,"

He cursed, "Perfect, Belle. And I am the beast." He cracked a small laugh and looked straight into my eyes. I immediately took my eyes off him because of the unpleasant way he stare.

I was somehow shocked for what he mentioned. Is it possible for a killer to watch a Disney movie? Ang sabi niya'y siya ang halimaw dahil ako si Belle, kung ganoon ay nanunuod nga siya?

"What's so special about you?"

I shrieked, "W-what?"

"Only a few knows about you, right?"

I nodded and stared at his gun, he put it down and crossed his arms while staying on the ground.

"Why did your parents hid you?"

Umiling-iling ako dahil maging ako'y hindi ko rin alam ang sagot.

"You have no idea?"

Tumango ako at mahigpit na napahawak sa puti kong bistida. Bakit nga ba mga puting dress ang laman ng plastic bag na iyon, was it all for me?

I want to ask him why did he kill everyone, why did they massacred my family. And why is he keeping me. Ngunit umuurong ang dila ko, nanginginig lang ako sa tuwing magsasalita kapag kaharap siya. I don't have any guts to talk to him.

"Rest."

Iyon ang kanyang sinabi bago tuluyang lumabas ng silid, maya't maya lamang ay bumalik siya upang sana ay patayin ang ilaw ngunit mabilis ko siyang pinigilan. Nangilid ang mga luha ko nang hindi siya makinig at tuluyan pinatay ang ilaw.

"No, please!" I begged and stood up to open the lights again, but I took my steps back when he entered the room while holding my jaw.

"Why?"

I wailed, "I-I'm scared of the dark, pl-please."

"What's making you scared?"

"The dark," I swallowed hard that it made a sound.

"No, you're not scared of the dark. You're afraid of what's in it. Just close your eyes and don't mind anything, decline everything in your mind."

Napalunok ako at hinawakan ang kanyang mga kamay na pumipisil sa aking panga, marahan ko itong ibinaba dahil bahagya na akong nasasaktan sa paraan ng kaniyang pagkakahawak. I held his hands to prevent him from hurting me again, and the moment our palms collide, volts electrified the both us. Mabilis akong napaatras at napabitaw, ganoon din siya.

I stared at his confused expression, he looks disheveled and mussed. His expression became annoyed and mad.

"Just don't fucking open the lights! Sayang ng kuryente!" Singhal niya saka lumabas ng kwarto, "And don't do anything stupid. It's dark and I'll always know."

He left me dumbfounded and weak. Hindi naalis sa utak ko kung paano kami umiwas sa isa't-isa dahil sa boltaheng aming naramdaman nang magtama ang aming mga palad.

My heart is racing so fast too, hindi iyon ordinaryo at mas lalong hindi iyon dahil sa takot. Kakaiba ang pakiramdam, yaon ko lamang iyon naramdaman.

I laid down and let the coldness embrace my algid body. Nagsimula akong manginig sa hindi ko maintindihang paraan, naghahalo ang aking takot dahil sa dilim at ang samang aking nararamdaman. Napapikit ako at pilit na ininda ang paligid, pakiramdam ko'y may kung ano ano sa aking likuran, nakamasid, nakatungo. I couldn't do what he just told me to do, It feels like I am not the owner of my mind. My mind owned me and I'm being drowned by fear.

Nyctophobia.

I started shaking hard and created a silent long high-pitched sound. I covered my ears, someone is whispering. Someone is beside me, I can feel a presence, No, my mind is creating a presence and I just can't fight it. It's quietly saying canards, and it keeps on whistling on the my ear.

I dreadfully moaned. Hindi ko napigilan ang aking mga labi na manginig pati na rin ang buo kong katawan. Nilalamig ako ng todo, hindi sapat ang aking damit o anumang kumot upang maibsan ang nararamdamang lamig. Kailangan ko ng init, kakaibang init, I need something warm to melt the algid feeling.

Unspoken words of lamentation from my sufferings flashed on my mind, I want to let them out but I can't. If this would continue, I'll die.

Something is coming, someone is coming, the presence behind me is caressing my hair. No, it's the wind but my mind keeps on saying that someone is fondling me. It slowly touched my face, down to my arms and back to my face. It's giving me shivers, it's killing me.

I think I'm dying.

"Damn! What is your problem?"

The lights opened as he entered the room. Gusto ko siyang lingunin ngunit hindi ko magawa, wala akong lakas gumawa ng ingay o anumang galaw, hinang-hina na ako. I kept on shaking.

"I've told you to stop shaking and creating moans, haven't I?"

I gasped when he harshly touched my arms but he immediately walked away as if he was scorched.

"What the heck? Bakit ganyan ka kainit? What the fuck is wrong with you?"

I guess he doesn't have any idea of a sick person, sinesermunan niya pa ako sa halip na gumawa ng paraan upang mabilis akong gumaling. Hinawakan niya ang aking braso at pinatihaya ako, he gently cupped my face and stared at me with great confusion.

"What? What's wrong? What should I do?"

Hinawakan niya ang noo ko at pinakiramdaman ang init niyon. That moment, I didn't see him as scalawag. He looked like a stranger giving sympathy to a sick child.

"Your temperature is so high, what should I do? Tell me!" Niyugyog niya ang aking balikat at tinampal tampal ang aking pisngi, "C'mon, you're sick. What do you need, I don't have any medicine here. Can you wait? Ibibili kita, stay here, okay?"

Mabilis siyang bumangon ngunit ganoon rin kabilis ang pagpigil ko sa kanya. Nalilito niya akong nilingon, tila tinatanong ang sarili kung bakit siya nagkakaganoon.

"Heat," I whispered.

He leaned closer at me, "What?"

"Heat, I'm cold."

Muli siyang lumayo at bumangon. Sandali siyang natigilan at nag-isip kung ano ang maaaring gawin. Nataranta siya ng muli akong manginig. A long low sound of pain came out from my mouth.

In just a second, he was topless. Gulat akong napalingon sa kanya ngunit hindi ko magawang magsalita ng kung anuman. I even shook more when he forced me to lay down. I stopped him when he tried removing my dress, ganoon na lamang kasama ang kanyang tingin ng pigilan ko s'ya.

"I don't like kids, don't worry, stop being stubborn, I'm doing this for you."

He ripped my dress off. Tumambad sa kanya ang katamtaman kong dibdib at bra, nag-iwas ako ng tingin dahil sa hiya. Pakiramdam ko'y nasusunog ang aking mukha. Mas lalo pa akong naghuramentado ng sumandal siya sa dingding at hinapit ako patungo sa kaniyang dibdib.

He heave a deep sigh when our body touched. Para akong napaso sa kanyang init, ang lamig na aking naramdaman ay unti-unting natutupok ng kaniyang nagliliyab na apoy. He embraced me and let me rest in his chest.

"Rest," he whispered.

"W-what are you doing?" Mahina, pumipiyok, bumubulong, hindi ko napigilang tanong.

Mas lalong humigpit ang kanyang pagkakayakap sa akin, ganoon na lamang gustong tumirik ng aking mga mata dahil sa bago at kakaibang sensasyong nararamdaman. Our skins touched and my shivery was gone. Randam ko ang pagpipigil niya sa sarili, isa siyang taong may isang salita, at alam kong hindi niya ako gagalawin. He's just helping, and his embrace was placating.

"You need heat, right?"

I nodded.

He caressed my hair and wiped my sweats, "I'm giving you heat, body heat." He whispered.