reliving the past

Chapter Nineteen

I sit on Ashton's bed staring blankly in the distance. I had decided to let everything that's happened to me out in the open. I trusted Ashton enough to vent to him about the past. I recounted everything I had told him.

At my first school, I was only teased lightly, but everyone went through it being young. We only live there a few years before moving. I didn't want to leave at the time as I was still young.

My second school was states away. Kids were mean, and I was right back at them. I would get into arguments daily with other kids and nobody seemed to really get along that well.

I was only in my fourth year there when my only friend there turned on me. She started up rumors that I can't even remember it was so long ago. Kids looked down on me and my brother for it. Thankfully we moved again. I was happy to leave afraid that I'd never be liked in that town.

The third school was okay, it was more laid back. I was happy there and Alex gained a bit of popularity. We were in middle school, the time of really finding your friends and more about yourself.

I hadn't made any lasting impressions on anybody and the school year ran smoothly. I had a few friends but it wasn't anything major. They were more people to say hi to in class and talk to during lunch. We would never see each other out of school but I was okay with that. I'd just stay in anyways.

By the fourth school, I was fed up with moving. I didn't want to leave our old place and put up the biggest fight which led to my ongoing feud with my mom. I ignored everyone as carried on in my new school.

People there really got on my nerves. The school was filled with snotty rich kids that thought they had it all. I often expressed my views on them when one would try and talk down to me which led to many people hating me.

One girl, in particular, hated me the worst. Her name was Alison. She was the bitchiest there was. Her family was well off and she got spoiled her whole life. Because of it, she thought she was better than everyone else and nobody got her in way. Until me of course.

I stood up to her, calling her out on the bull shit she had been feeding everyone. She thought she was so nice, she sucked up to the teachers to get her way and paid off people to get good grades. She went right through boys like they didn't matter. I could see right through her.

She attacked me when nobody was around. She spread rumors about my family that made me and Alex look bad. I ended up back mouthing her about that which resulted in her and I in a physical fight. We had both gotten detention for our dispute.

She went out of her way to hurt me after that fateful day. I often got in trouble for things I didn't do like cheating on tests or stealing someone's personal item. I'm surprised they hadn't expelled me from that school.

I always pleaded with the principal, or whatever teacher yelled at me, that I was innocent and being set up. They'd ask me who and when I'd say her name I'd get laughed at, no matter what teacher it was. In their eyes, Allison was an angel.

I couldn't believe how she had brainwashed this town into worshiping her. I'd given up on trying to defend myself. She continued to make my life hell. She'd mentally and physically abuse me. She's the reason I started self harming. It was an escape from what was happening to me. I felt like I deserved it for stepping up for myself to those students.

But because I'd inflict the scars on my wrists she found that another way to bully me. She told everyone I was emo, people shamed me for it and acted like I was a walking joke in that school. It only resulted in me cutting more.

It was a never ending cycle of pain. Everything ended up back to Alex and he couldn't believe that I had started hurting myself. People would ask him about me and how it was like to have a freak sister.

That was when the worst of him came out. He had punched that kid in the face and ended up suspended for two days. Before all the drama, his looks had gotten him friends at that school, and girls would fawn over him. After he'd done that for me, people started shaming him as well.

It was us against all the rich kids. We of course weren't the only ones whose family wasn't well off. But in the end, all the kids like us turned for their own sake in the matter. My mom hated that my drama became Alex's and resented me for that.

So when my dad shared the news that he'd been offered a job that was a county away, I stood up and told him to go for it. We began the process of moving once again. And I kissed that school goodbye. On my last day there I told many people off.

I told Alison that I hope she finds the happiness that she needs so she doesn't have to take out her anger out on others. She desperately needs to find something to do with her life besides hurting others. It'll only get you so far in life.

My family may not be knitted tight but we get by. We have enough money from my dad's job to live comfortably in the middle class and that all I could be happy for. As long as I had a family to call my own and a loving brother I'd survive.

Moving here to Australia was a dream come true after the hell I've paid. Even though I had been blatantly used by Luke and insulted by Sophie, I would still choose to stay here. Plus I only have a year left after this one, so there's really no point to leave again.

There are people my age who's seen and been through worse but that doesn't mean I heady been through hell myself. Everyone has a different threshold for things and mine isn't that great. Alex can get through every ten times better than I ever could and I'm jealous of him for that.

I wish I could just turn away from the hurtful things said my way but I let it get to me.

I had only been vague in my description of what school life was before I came here. I didn't want to dwell too much into things I didn't want to dig up from my repressed memories. They were there for good reason.

Ashton had been patient while listening to my story. It had taken a while to get everything out. Tears came out as I recalled hard times.

My reclamation of moments in my past ending up leading Ashton to share some from his.

He talked about his dad leaving after Harry was born and how that had affected his family. He had had his dad in his life for most of it and he felt abandoned. But it didn't compare to how Anne felt. She was left alone to raise three kids.

He started acting out when people questioned him about his dad disappearing. His dad had been in the middle of some bad things and left town because of it. He'd rather not get caught.

Ashton lashed out and people were scared to get on his bad side. He only acted like that at school or in the presence of other students though. He loved his family dearly. He just didn't want to put up with everyone at school making assumptions. I could understand. But being the girl I am, I couldn't get that far.

When he went on about Luke, memories of the night I stayed over dawned on me. My actions at the party, me flirting with Ashton, and what he had shared with me. I couldn't help the gasp that left my lips. It had taken me weeks to recall anything big from that night. It was all back.

No wonder he didn't like Luke and told me to steer clear. It all made sense.

He turned to look at me. It was as if he knew I'd remembered.

We still sit in silence, now closer together on the bed. This day had started out great. There was no drama at school for once, and Ashton and I planned a day to go out together. When we got back, one thing led to another, and I ended up spilling my past feelings.

I was content with it though. Alex was the only other person to know, he had lived through it with me. Having another person know was a weight off my chest.

I look up to find Ashton already looking down at me. The blush of my cheeks could be seen a mile away. I did not expect to be met with his gaze.

I push him playfully when he starts laughing at me.

"It's not funny." I giggle along with him. His laugh was contagious and I hated that I could stop but follow along with laughing.

"Then why are you laughing?" He pushes me to pack slightly.

"Because you're laughing!" I was happy about the mood change. We had gotten serious for a while, and it was nice to just laugh after it all.