Haunting, Yearning

Despite myself, I was anxious.

When Devon and I split up to get ready for the departure, I took out Wolf's beacon and held it tightly. I'd forgotten about it with all the commotion, and now I was worried.

I would have to take it with me. If I didn't, he'd show up to an empty apartment building in the middle of the city.

If I took it with me, he'd be able to find me. He'd implied when we first parted ways that it wouldn't take long for him to come. Would he be able to help us with the xenomorphs in Gunnison?

It was a comforting notion, even if I didn't know for sure. Certainly, though, I was glad I had activated it when I did.

When I was done feeling sorry for myself, I changed out of my old clothes and into a fresh, more casual and comfortable set. Then, I had to pack a few things.

We always prepared for a few days' stay, though in this case more than a couple would mean disaster.

It was only the second time I'd been shipped out of state for a case. The first had been that haunted pizzeria.

Honestly, I was still a little hung up about that, but I had aliens to deal with.

I grabbed the backpack sitting and waiting in the corner of my bedroom and tossed it on my bed where it fell open. I rifled through my dresser to pick out some clothes to wear once we reached our destination.

Warm clothes, mostly, and a decent pair of shoes that I'd be able to hike in. Gunnison was smack dab in the middle of the mountain like my home town of Estes Park was.

It was slightly less populated than Estes, but not by much. We really had come full circle.

Satisfied that I was ready, I took one last look around just to be sure I wasn't forgetting anything. I was packed, the beacon was in my pocket . . .

Something caught my eye, hanging from my vanity mirror.

My trophy.

I stared admired it for a moment, letting the jawbone sit in my palm. Wolf had made it for me out of parts of the queen we'd killed.

No way I could leave that.

It got tucked away in the backpack with the rest of my shit and I tried to decide if I should take anything else. Anything at all that I couldn't leave behind, anything that I would miss.

Just in case I never came back. Just in case Wolf showed up.

The changes of clothes were fine. Two sets. Shoes. I looked around the room for anything that I had a sentimental attachment to.

I picked up the old, scruffy fox plushie I'd been holding onto and threw that in there, then thought about the pictures I had on my desk, cursing myself for not having the foresight to grab them.

Maybe if Devon was quick, I could grab them on the way to the airport.

Once I was packed and ready to go, I checked the window overlooking the parking lot. Devon's car wasn't out there yet, so I pulled out some stuff to make a sandwich and threw something together.

In afterthought, I made a second one for Devon and scarfed down the first.

As if on cue, Devon blared his horn outside. I took a deep breath, then made my way outside.  As I climbed into the passenger seat, I handed him his meal. He fumbled with it the little baggie, dropping it in his lap.

"Took you long enough," I huffed.

"Did you really make me a sandwich?" he asked coyly.

I shrugged and said, "Made one for myself and thought you might also be hungry. Wasn't sure if you'd taken a lunch."

"Aw, you're so sweet."

"Can it. Do you mind stopping by base first? I forgot something," I requested.

He nodded and we were off. "Sure, it's on the way anyway. We got some time."

I almost wished I hadn't eaten that sandwich: I thought I was going to heave because of how nervous I was about this whole thing. No amount of bravado would cure how terrified I was of these things.

But it was fine.

Wolf was on the way. I had to believe that, had to hold on to that one positive thing even when I wanted to be negative.

Throughout the trip, I glanced at Devon. He was prattling on about something, but I couldn't bring myself to pay attention. I tried, but my focus was shot.

When we reached headquarters, I hopped out and flew as fast as I could to my desk, ignoring curious glances and whispered gossip as I collected my picture of my family.

In afterthought, I snatched up the one if me and Devon. Both frames were shoved in my backpack and then I returned to Devon.

"You get your shit?" he asked.

"Yup, let's go."

When we finally reached the designated airport, Devon parked far from the front. He double checked that he locked his car after retrieving his bag from the trunk.

"Gotta make sure no one's gonna steal it," he told me even though I didn't ask.

"We could have taken an Uber if you were that worried about it," I pointed out.

He scoffed. "It's fine. I trust the security in this place just fine."

"Whatever you say."

With no bags to check, we went straight to the kiosk and Devon fetched the information from an email Hassan sent him. Once our tickets were in hand, we headed toward the security checkpoint.

A thought occurred to me and I tugged on Devon's arm.

"What's up?"

"I gotta make a quick phone call," I said. "Do you mind saving us a spot in the line?"

"Yeah, sure. Want me to take your bag?"

"No, I'll hang onto it. Thank you though," I said with a smile.

"Alright, if you say so. Don't be too long, flight leaves soon. Though . . . I suppose we could just pull the FBI card if we need to," he said with a wistful expression.

I shook my head at his enthusiasm and once he was out of earshot, I dialed the number in my phone.

"Hello?" came the answer.

"Hi, Mom," I said.

"Hi, sweetie! How did your weekend go? Did you make it to that get-together with your coworkers you were talking about?"

"Yes," I said. "It went pretty good. Had my first shot of whiskey."

Mom sounded bewildered. "Really?"

I nodded. "Yep. That was an experience. Nasty stuff."

"I bet it was. Hope you didn't go overboard and get sick."

Well, I threw up once and might have tried to start a bar fight, but that was only half my fault.

"Nah. No hangover or anything like that," I said, glancing over to check on Devon. He was still was still in line, but had moved up.

We locked eyes and I waved back to let them know I was almost ready.

To Mom, I said, "But that's not what I wanted to talk about."

"What's on your mind?"

My throat suddenly swelled up and I had to swallow a couple of times before I was able to speak.

Her mom senses must have kicked in because she prompted, "Is everything alright, sweetie?"

"I'm about to get on a plane," I began, doing everything in my power to keep my voice from cracking. "I got assigned to a pretty big mission."

"Oh?"

"Um . . . it's related to my incident, back in the day and . . . I dunno. It's gonna be rough."

I could almost see the worry lines in her forehead over the phone as she spoke. "Isn't there anyone else who can do it? They shouldn't force you to deal with any of that anymore."

"I, uh, actually volunteered, Mom," I sighed.

"What? Why would you do that?"

With a shrug, I said, "I don't know. Because I know the enemy. I have experience and allies. I want things to go differently this time."

There was a pause while Mom mulled that over before she said anything again. "I don't think it has to be your responsibility, and it's obvious that the idea of it is bothering you a lot, but I know you're a strong, brave girl."

"Thanks, Mom," I muttered, moving the phone away from my head so I could sniff away the tears threatening to spill.

"You're sure it has to be you?" she pressed.

"It doesn't have to be. I want to do this. I have to do this. For myself."

She sighed, probably shaking her head at me. "I think you should have let someone else take care of whatever mission this is, but if that's what you want to do . . ."

"I just—I just wanted to tell you that it's going to be rough. And . . . just talking to you made me feel better," I said.

Something else sat at the tip of my tongue, but I couldn't bring myself to say it. I wouldn't be able to explain in terms she'd understand and all I'd have on my hands was a panicked mother.

That there was a chance we wouldn't see each other again.

"Well, I'm glad that I could help."

"Yeah. Listen, I gotta go for now. Our plane is going to leave soon," I said, scuffing the floor with my foot.

"Of course," Mom said. "Call me later to tell me how it went."

Once again, my throat closed up and this time I couldn't keep my voice even. "Y-yeah. I'll talk to you about it later."

"I love you."

"I love you, too, Mom. So much."

Before she could read too far into my tone, I hung up and took a deep breath to compose myself. After wiping a stray tear or two from my cheeks, I joined Devon in line.

"You okay?" Devon asked me.

I nodded. "Yup."

"Want to talk about it?"

"Not right now."

"Alright."

We went through the whole dog and pony show to get through security and made it to our gate in time to board. I had been a little worried the beacon would set off alarms, but no one noticed it.

Fricken alien technology.

Our seats were next to each other, and our bags small enough to fit under the ones in front of us.

It was one of the easiest experiences I'd had an airport since the last trip.

I did my best to ignore the way Devon was looking at me, and my furtive, annoyed looks eventually forced him to do something else.

It would have been better I'd they'd flown us out privately, but waiting for that paperwork would have been a nightmare. I was already antsy with how long it was taking to depart.

There was a quick safety presentation, and then we were in the air and on our way to Colorado Springs, the closest airport to Gunnison.

My mind kept bouncing between stressing about the xenomorphs and worry about whether or not my beacon was working. Or if it worked like a GPS tracker.

I assumed it was blinking because it was giving off a constant signal. It would be dumb if it just gave a single, static position marker. He had to be taking it.

/Stop worrying,/ I told myself.

Devon dozed off after a bit while I was left staring out the window, watching the scenery pass by.

Okay it was clouds. So many clouds.

The ground below was obscured by the lazy formations, only peeking out every once in a while. Around me, the drone of the jet engine threatened to lull me into another nap despite the turmoil within me.

My stomach flipped and churned into a concoction of worry, fear, anticipation, and nervousness. It was the same feeling I used to have when I was preparing for a soccer match.

Now it was tinged with another, less familiar sensation: excitement. Though muted by the other emotions, it was still there in the back of my mind.

Not for the mission ahead, not for being outside the office and doing something, but that warm tingle in your chest when you know you're about to meet with an old friend you haven't seen in ages.

At least, for the time being, I had something more positive to focus on, even if there was that tiny voice in the back of my head reminding me that he may not come.

How has he changed? Will we still get along?

What sort of plans did he have? Did he find a family or something? I didn't even know if his was that kind of society.

I wanted to prepare myself for the worst. For him not showing up. It would devastate me, but I would get over it eventually . . . Right?

What business did I have pining after an alien I'd met seven years ago?

And yet, there I was . . . pining . . .

I focused instead on Jailbreak. Wolf and a few members of his clan had survived a crash-landing from somewhere in orbit, so I knew he had a chance.

The question was how much of a chance? He had been drugged and restrained, and who knew what effects that would have on him.

I had no doubt the xenomorphs were alive. That was just my luck. A few hours had passed already, so I feared the infestation might be well on the way.

"Alright, so tell me."

I jumped at the sound of Devon's voice, gasping loudly and looking around. He leaned away and apologized. When had he woken up?

Glowering at him, I asked, "Tell you what?"

"You think something bad's gonna happen?" he asked conversationally.

"'Something bad' is what the xen, what those things are made out of," I intoned, closing my eyes.

I had to remember we were on a plane. People might overhear, even if they didn't understand what we were saying.

Their shrieks echoed in the far recesses of my consciousness.

Devon tried to make himself comfortable. "I'm sure they are, the way you go on about them. We've handled a few tough cases, though. We'll be fine, just like we always are."

"Yeah, maybe." He wouldn't be singing the same tune after facing one for the first time.

Up close and personal.

"Anything I should know that wasn't covered in the brochure?" he asked.

I pulled down the shutter to my window, casting our seats into darkness, and told him, "Not anything I can tell you here."

"Right, right . . . Well, you're a Colorado native. What do I have to look forward to?"

"This time of the year, it's pretty cold. Plus, we'll be in the mountains so it'll be even colder than it is in the valley 'cause we're higher up," I replied.

He grimaced and I raised an eyebrow. "You did bring warm clothes, right?"

"Yeah, I brought a coat. That should be fine, right?"

"Depends on your tolerance, I suppose."

Devon grunted and said, "Alright, I'm going back to sleep then. Wake me when we land."

I rolled my eyes and thought, /Like the turbulence won't do that for me./

All the same, I mumbled an affirmative and stared at the screen up front, tracking our current course. We only had a little over two hours out of our four-hour flight left.

Two hours for me to kill while stuck on a plane with a ticking tracking device in my bag.

Nothing but my own thoughts for company.

Though I didn't know when I would next be able to sleep, I couldn't bring myself to nap even if I tried. I watched the tiny plane icon drift across the map until it slowly faded out of my attention.

My partner shifted to make himself more comfortable and I watched him for a second. He was a capable agent and though I hadn't had any other partner, I knew he was one of the better ones.

If there was one thing I was going to do before I left, it was to make sure he made it out of this alive.

I would do things right this time.