Room

It's now that end of the day, all I can think about is what the old man said to me. I need to help her let go of more and break any connection that there is between them. I can't let him take her away from me, or her children. I now see what he went through with Yuki. How Kaname was always in his way, how did you live like this brother? It's awful, and she lived it with Yuki. I am determined to break this evil cycle. All we just wanted was to be happy with the one we really loved.

I close down the agency for the night, heading home to my parent's house to gather up some things. I see a text on my phone from Alexa which makes me smile.

Alexa: 6:05: Hey, just checking, you're on your way home? I kept the door open so you can just walk in with anything you're taking over. I fixed up the basement bed for you so you have your own little space.

Ichiru: 6:09: Yes, I am on my way, I am at my parent's house now, I will be home very soon. I want to pick up some more clothes, and I few other things I didn't take earlier. Thank you for getting that ready for me, it means a lot. I hope we can sit down and have dinner together. I would like to spend some time with you if that's ok?

Alexa: 6:12: That would be nice, I actually cooked something for dinner, we can put the babies to bed than eat?

Ichiru: 6:14: That sounds wonderful, give me a few minutes.

I see she is trying, and I love it. I will see if I can make her move past another hurdle tonight. I have to try, I need to make her let go of him. I grab a few more things and then I lock up the house, feeling I won't be back here for a while. I had no need to, everything I wanted was at her house.

I walk home, smelling the roasted chicken and potatoes in the oven when I walk through the door, the twins playing on the floor in front of the tv. This is the house I know, the house I was used to seeing with my brother. It was now mine, I just had to make sure I didn't lose it.

"Hey, I already fed them, I thought you might want to see them before they went to bed," I say with a smile.

"Yes, I do. I am going to carry my things downstairs then I will spend time with them and we can eat." Ichiru answers.

"Sounds good."

I go downstairs and see she put the room together nicely. I have a full-size bed, night table, tv, and even a desk. I know the computer is my brother's. She hasn't thrown anything of his away. I put my clothes away, some books and CDs. Then I head back upstairs to play with the kids before bed.

I see that Ichiru is very happy. It's written all over him, this is something he wanted for a long time now, just can I give him what he is asking? I'm not sure. I am trying my best, to get through this. I don't know what it is though there is a pull to Ichiru. I like him being around, I feel better. There even was a bit of happiness knowing he was coming home, and staying here. Are these feelings wrong? I need to put the past in the past and move on. I need to be there for my children and give them a loving and caring father. I can do this.

When dinner is done I go get ready for bed, taking my nightly spot on the sofa. I see Ichiru just looking at me.

"What? Why are you looking at me that way?" I ask.

"Because you can't sleep on this sofa for the rest of your life. The kids have a room they sleep in every night now and you even gave me one. You need to sleep in your bed and get the rest you need." Ichiru says.

"I don't think I can sleep in there. There are too many memories. His stuff is everywhere, his scent. I don't want to disturb it and make it go away."I admit.

"We can leave the stuff for now, but you need to get over this hurdle. I will stay with you if it makes you feel better. We can at least try." Ichiru replies.

"I haven't been in there since we first came back here, "I say.

"I know, take my hand," Ichiru responds.

I take his hand no very sure of any of this. We walk up the stairs to my room and open the door. Ichiru puts the light on, and I just take a look around. Everything of Zero's still in its place. His scent in the air after all these months. I missed smelling his cologne. I don't want to touch anything or make it change. I wanted it all to stay the same, for at least something would.

"I will sleep on your side of the bed you take his." Ichiru states.

"I lay down on the bed under the covers. I shared this bed with him for ten years. I laid here on the last night thinking everything was wonderful. My life was everything I wanted, then hours later it was all gone. I see Ichiru on top of the covers, lying next to me, extending his hand to mine where I accept it and hold on tight. I should feel closer to you in here Zero, just at the moment, I feel pain.

I know I have to get over this hurdle, so many people have. Just lying here without you, makes it so final. I see your glasses on the night table which just brings back memories. Your slippers on the floor, our wedding photo on the wall. Everywhere I look, there is something else that reminds me of you.

"Are you ok?" Ichiru asks.

"I don't know. He is everywhere." I say.

"We can put some of the things away if you like, we don't have to get rid of them, just put them away. To make this room more yours." Ichiru suggests.

"We will see, I know your right Ichiru, just this step will take a little longer. Thank you for coming here with me though." I answer.

"No problem, I am here always. I want you to know that." Ichiru comments.

"I am learning that."

I see she feels uncomfortable in here, she isn't the only one. He is everywhere in this damn room. Marking his territory. All his things all over the place don't help. It will just make her remember more or even feel closer to him. Damn it! I want her to break free of you, to let go. You wanted it to brother! It's why you left her to my care, yet I see in some ways you couldn't let her go so easily, could you? Your stain is on her, in this room, on this house! How could she forget you if your everywhere!

I guess I was asking too much for her to let go of this room. I was hoping she would put your shit away and let go some more, I just didn't get that. I guess Its a start she is holding my hand and won't let go. So maybe it brought us a bit closer? I hate all this overthinking and wondering. I am not you Brother! I will not let you overshadow everything and take what I want. I will not let what Kaname did to you, happen to me.