Chapter 32

//ANNE

*right after she had the talk with Eunjee*

I was almost done with my work and was waiting for Eunjee's text message when I received a call from someone I didn't expect to call me, especially now.

"Hello?"

"Hey. How are you doing?" He asks me

"Fine I guess. Not to be rude but why are you calling me?" His always like this to me, he comes and then he goes, he never stays m, his always been like a ghost to me.

"Im sorry, look can we meet? I atleast want to explain things to you, Im actually back to the city, i still have some time to spare so if you don't mind" he pauses to wait for my answer. I know I should hear his side of the story but something in me tells me not to give him a chance because what he is doing to me is painful and really mean. He keeps leading me on, letting my hopes up then I wake up one day and theres no sign of him.

"Look Jb, I know you mean well but I don't think thats a good idea. We just don't have it anymore. Whether we like it or not, You'll always be busy with your career and so will I. Our schedules will always collide and i'll always wake up with you gone again and with no communication with you at all until you decide that its time again for you to call or text me. I can't always be led on you know so lets just make things easier for the both of us, lets just forget about each other and just move on" I told him and I was really decided to turn off my phone and never to answer his calls again, but my body wont let me end the call, my phone was still stuck on my ear waiting for his answer.

"Anne, I know I hurt you, multiple time and Im not even sure how I can redeem myself but I do like you and I just cant let you go. I know its selfish of me to keep asking you back everytime this things happen but I do really want you back and I cant promise you anything but I do know that even when you wake up one day and Im gone again, I will always come back to you and I will always call you and fetch you if i have to, or wait for you until you forgive me, because thats how special you are to me and I just cant give you up. Please just meet up with me and I promised ill receive whatever decision you make as long you are happy but I do want you to listen to my reasons so please just give me a minute of your time please. im begging you" Jb pleads on the other side of the phone and I know that deep in me, I still like him and it hurts me hearing him beg for my attention but I am also hurting everytime he ignores me. "Please Anne, just another chance please" He begs

"Fine, meet me at my place, If you say anything I dont like you are done" I told him before hanging up. I know inviting him to my place was a littl bit off but its the safest place for the both of us to talk. If someone sees him meeting a girl it will surely make an uproar just like what happened to Eunjee.

I texted Eunjee that I cant go with her today and that i'll be home because I need to do something first. Eunjee doesn't know that I've been having communication with Jb for the past months, I know she hasn't moved on with mark yet and I didn't want to hurt her even more by telling her I was also secretly meeting Jb and having this on and off relationship with him. I was waiting for the right time to tell her and I guess it just never came.

I took out my car keys and went to get my car before driving back home. Although the place is actually occupied by some of Eunjee's colleagues it was still quite nice and big for just her alone so staying with her is pretty much practical for the both of us. The place is also a few minutes away from my work so its very convenient for me and Eunjee.

Jb already knows where my place since his actually the person who told me about this place when I was looking for Eunjee before.

I parked to one of the empty spaces around the apartment building and gathered my things behind my car to bring up inside out apartment, some of it were the things I still need to do. There are times that I actually hate my job and the career that I chose but when I see the perks I get because of what I am and what I do, damn all those negative thoughts flies away cause I'm living the life that I deserve.

After I entered my apartments password, i opened my door and change my shoes into something comfortable. I placed my things on one of the empty tables and decided that I need a quick shower because I feel stingy.

I spares a few second to tell Jb i'm already home before going to my room and looking for something to wear after.

I didn't take long in the shower cause I know Jb was coming so I had to be quick if I dint want him catching me still inside the bathroom, that would be rude.

By the time I heard my doorbell rang I was done drying my hair, I was only dressed with my comfortable clothes and I didn't bother putting on make up because Im pretty sure I don't need one.

I look into the monitor and there was Jb waiting outside with glasses and mask on. This is actually his first time coming here but he knows this place well. I released a sigh then I opened the door.

"Hey come in" I told him opening the door wide for him to enter.

"You alone?" He asks me

"Well do you see anyone here?" I sarcastically answered and I saw the look in his face and it was disappointment. I might have said it to him rudely than expected.

"Sorry, Eunjee is with Minhyuk and his members, they are thinking of ways to subdue their current issue" I told him as I led him to our kitchen. He didn't answer but I saw him nod "Do you want something to drink?" I asked

"Water is fine" He tells me soI took out a bottle of water and a glass cup, I placed it in front of him as he sits in one of our island chairs.

"This place looks great by the way" He tells me and it was my turn to nod. The silence that came after that was not so accommodating at all. I drink my own cup of water and so did Jb.

"Look just tell me what you want to say and go. Its pretty obvious that the awkwardness is killing us both" I told him

"Fine, Im sorry okay. I didn't mean to leave you hanging this past few months but you have to believe me that I did care about you, I just didn't know how I can make time to you and balance it out with all my schedules." he starts "I didn't want to keep leaving you, I wanted to stay. I keep wanting to stay but I can't and I know my reasons sucks but its the truth. I can't protect you if things got out of hand, even if I want to just show you how much you mean to me, I didn't want to be too greedy." I can see in his eyes how much this means to him, his being sincere in front of me but i'm still silent to all his outbreaks "I don't expect you to believe me nor give me a chance. I just wanted you to know my side as well, I do want to keep you but I don't want to be selfish to you, I also want you to atleast spend your days with ease and with me, that cant happen. I've seen it with Eunjee, she might now say anything but we all know shes sad. Even when shes smiling she was sad and I didnt want to see that from you so whenever I leave I always tell myself that its better if I don't text you or communicate with you, but i cant stop caring. Selfish right, even with all my decision about this thing going on between us, I still want to know things about you." Jb started tearing up and basing on how he is mixing all his words now he is really hurting inside.

"I understand now" I tried consoling him "Look Jb" He looks at me and I didnt even notice my tears coming out of my own eyes "I didn't us to end up like this. I do like you, A lot actually but I also know how important your life now is to you. I don't want you sacrificing things because of me and I dont want to see you this conflicted. I atleast know now your reasons and I do understand. Lets just live a separate lives and forget about this thing between us. Its easier that way for the both of us. I'll always support you, I know that someday you really are going to achieve everything you ever wished for." I gave him a small smile but deep inside my heart was aching. I still care and I still have something for him, no matter how much I deny it, Jb will always hold something special in me.

"Not everything" He looks at me with sad eyes and I understand what he meant. For a few second we just look into each other, I know where this thing could lead us so I was the first one to divert my eyes.

"I think you should go now" I sadly told him, even though I really wanted him to stay.

He followed me to my door and I didnt think twice, I opened the door and without looking, I waited for him to go out. I didn't want to see sad face because I might just not make it. I want to stick with my decision and that is to set Jb free. I did feel him looking at me for the last time but I didn't dare raised my head.

I closed my door and watch him look to my door through my monitor, I closed my eyes and let tears flow through eyes.

I felt myself getting numb, like I can't move any part of my body but I'm still moving, its like Im not the one controlling my body. After Jb left and after I regain some strength to stand up and walk to my table. I took out some of my paper works because I know i have a lot of things to do but my mind was somewhere else. So instead of working I decided to make the things in front of me as a pillow and because of my heavy eyes and crowded brain, sleep effortlessly found me.

//JB

I walked out of Anne and Eunjees apartment building and felt the whole weight of the world upon my shoulders. My whole being is numb and I can't seem  to think straight.

Anne was right though, this is the best for the both of us. I don't want to hurt her even more than I already did. I want her to be free and smile again like how she used to. I can't believe that at some point of my life, drama has to do something with it. I've always been serious and dedicated to my job that letting people in takes a lot of effort for me. I am responsible with so many things that I can't seem to add another person in my life right now but I do want to keep her but I dont know how I can take care of her.

This is what being an idol means, especially if you are responsible of your group and you need to worry about them 24/7 and make sure that they dont do anythin stupid around other people, I can't be with the people I like because I have to show this kind of person that I'm not. I need to keep reminding me that I have a character to hold and I just can't ruin the careers of the people with me just because I want to be with the girl I like. Its not that my career is important to me than the people around me but we've come this far and the guys, they didn't do anything bad to me, I dont want to be the cause of their downfall. This is the kind of sacrifices we leaders make everyday, even of we want to do stupid things we cant because we can't let it affect our members. As much as they want to protect our group, we also want to protect our own images.

I walked to my car and thought of everything that happened today. This maybe the last time I see her, Eunjee is practically family and it wont be easy hiding this from her but I'm sure we'll see her at some point, I just hope that she brings Anne with her too, that way, I'll be able to see her as well.

She's just another person in my life that I had to give up just to save her from hurt and pain, this is good for the both of us. I just hope my heart believes it more than my mind.

//New Person

"Boss. Here's the ticket and all the things you need. I've called President Lim's assistant and his going to assist you there you landed. Also sir, you also need to see this other file, it contain some disturbing rumors about your cousin. I've already asked our team to check if the rumors are true, they'll give me their reports tomorrow and i'll just send them to you tomorrow through your email sir." My assistant tells me and so I checked my cousins files, there are some things here that bothers me so I might need to check this things to her myself. I can't just trust anyones words but her.

"Take care of Gran while I'm away. Rachel will handle all my business affairs while I'm in Korea so just make sure to update me everything I need to know." I told him and he bows in understanding. Rachel is somewhat my second in command back at the office, shes also like really close to the family and I can trust her more than anyone.

"Sir" Stan, one of my bodyguards approaches me "Bimo just arrived safely in Korea, i've made contact with your security there and made sure that shes taken care of" He informs me and that made me smile. Bimo is my babe, well one of my babies, even so I want her well and safe so knowing thats shes well taken care of eases my mind.

"Good. Lets go." I told him and he lead me the way out of my house. My car was already waiting for me outside and so Stan opens my door then goes to the passengers side because that is where he usually sits in.

Stan is like my older brother, his been with me since I was a child, he goes wherever I go and he is always been very protective of me which I dont really mind because I feel much safer when he's around. He does have a girlfriend and shes suits him well, i've met her a couple times and shes really nice.

"Sir, are you sure shes going to believe you once you meet up?" Stan asks me

"First, Don't call me sir when no ones around except us and my trusted people, Second, I have to believe or else this trip wont be as productive as I planned it to be. Shes family so I atleast have to try harder" I answered him and he just gave me a judging look. "What? She would make Gran happy you know" I added and he just gave me his silent shrug

"Whatever you say Boss. Just dont be disappointed when she kicks you out of her life" he tells me and I swear I saw him smirk a little after what he said.

"Oh she wont kick me, Im her only family left." She might be as happy as I am when she realizes she still has a family that has been looking for her for so many years.

Shes been alone all this years and knowing how much she suffered during those times breaks my heart. She's like a little sister to me, I know how stupid that sounds but even though I haven't met her, I feel like shes someone I need to protect.

I opened my phone and look to one of my email where one of photos was sent to me, she was looking great in this picture, compared to what she looks like months ago, she seems much better now than before.

"Kim Eunjee, we'll meet soon enough. Just you wait" I smiled to the picture in front of me then little droplets diverted my eyes from the phone and made me look outside my window. "Look its about to rain" I smiled, You see I love rain, because even though it radiates a gloomy kind of atmosphere, rain is actually the only that washes all things dirty aways, Its like it also washes all the negative things in life and then after that, its gives off rainbows, just like its saying that everything is going to be alright now. Thats the reason why I love rain so much, because every time it pours I know that its going to wash away every thing and then things will be just fine. Its consoling me and I just like it.

//MARK

Because of what happened earlier and because I keep hearing Eunjees voice, I can't find sleep so I had no other choice but to go out and grab something to drink from the convenient store near our dorm.

I decided that its pretty late for someone to see me walking around the park so I went there with my drinks and some food to eat. I could have ask one of the guys to accompany me but I'm pretty sure they have their own agendas right now and some of them are pretty much playing in their dreams by now. I sat on one of the benches and I was about to open my first can when I saw someone sitting at one of the the swings. At first I thought he was just a random person but the jacket his wearing was quite familiar so I looked at him a little bit more harder and then I realized that it was Jb and he was some like crying. I never saw him cry like he is now, aside from when his too touched because of our fans or if its because of his family , he never cries like how he is crying now. He was staring into space and tears are pretty much just flowing out of his eyes. Deciding whether to just watch him cry or leave him here alone, I felt my good nature kicking in so I decided to go against my choices and become a friend to our leader who was always there for us when we need him.

I grabbed my things and went to him in slow pace, he didn't even notice me approaching until I raised an unopened can of alcohol in front of him.

"Figured you might need this more than I do" He wipes his tears away and grabs the drink in my hands, I sat next to him and grab another can. "You can just keep crying there if you want you know. I wont tell anyone, just let it all out." I told him because I know how it feels when things are boiled up inside you and you have no other choice but to let it all out because if you don't, it keeps filling up and you just find yourself so full of everything and then you just feel too sad to function and then the next thing it does is ruin you. So him crying his eyes out is a good thing, that way he can lessen the things his keeping inside of him and the heaviness his feeling.

"Why are you out here anyway?" he asks me as he opens his can and I did mine as well.

"Shouldn't I ask you the same thing?" I asked him back and he just gave me his famous smirk. "Stop smirking or i'll definitely tell the guys tomorrow what we did here" I teased him and he just laughs to it.

"I guess I know now how you feel back then when you needed to make a decision" he tells me as he takes a gulp of his drink.

"So its about a girl then" He eyes me curiously "The reason why you were crying seconds ago... is because of girl? or it can be boy? if you want? you choose i wont judge you anyway" I tried easing him up a bit and when he raised his hand intending to slap my shoulder I know that his easing up now, I laughed at his attempting face though.

"Are you really my friend or are you just here to make fun of me? i'm feeling miserable here you know" He tells me and I just gave him a small laugh

"What happen anyways and who is this unlucky girl that made you cry?" I ask him because well that the only logical question I can come up with. Did I tell you that I actually suck at talking this kind of things? I mean its never my character to ask this kind of questions I'm more of like the person asking for this kind of talks than the person giving the talk, if what I said actually made sense then were good but If it doesn't then, find someone who can explain it more because I don't know how to explain it further.

"You know her" He tells me and this time I can sadness filling his voice. He didn't have to mention her name because the guys and I already knew who it was. I mean he keeps talking about her when we were doing our tour, he doesn't mean it though but he keeps mentioning her name without him being conscious about it, its like its a normal thing for him to keep mentioning a girls name randomly when his talking to us. So even before we all knew how much he cared for Anne. Although, they haven't met like go out on their own together because right after they met back at Eunjee's house, we needed to start preparing for the comeback.  We know that they've been communicating with each other and thats all.

"What happened?" I asked in curiosity

"We needed to end things before it even started. We both know we cant do this especially when I'm still an idol." He tells me slowly, I know that his contemplating if he should tell me the long story or just the summarize version of if but i'm pretty sure that if I just push him a little bit more he'll definitely tell the whole story.

"Thats all the reason why you need to break up?" I asked again

"Well, thats the main thing but, she just  can't handle it anymore and I just cant give her what she wants" Jb tells me and he reminded a bit of myself when I was in his situation. I know how he feels and I also know that there can be a lot of reasons for them to break up.

"Do you love her?" I had to ask because liking and loving are two different things. Loving can make you move a lot of mountains and can also make you do a lot of sacrifices so if you love the person even if you two are not together as long as she or he is happy, you are happy because that is loving.

"I don't know. I do like her, very much. If i can keep her I would but I cant be selfish, I cant stand seeing her sad because of me" He tells me as he takes another swig of his drink.

to be continued.....