'What say Manager Ahn? Smile or Intensity?'
I held up the two pictures to Manager Ahn. Photos from a previous photo shoot were sent back to us. We will choose the final pictures for our upcoming album promotions.
'Soo-Yon looks very manly in these pictures,' Manager Ahn complimented.
'What about me?' I asked.
'You look better with the intense expression.'
'Intense it is then,' I decided. We were at a TV studio, awaiting the next phase of the shoot. I had a performance scheduled for that afternoon. Since I am one of the best vocalists in the country, the studio was packed with fans. My effortless ability to hit the toughest high notes has been TNT's strength since our debut.
'Ready for the performance?' Manager Ahn asked.
I smirked. 'Let's go,' I said.
Manager Ahn escorted me till the backstage. He handed over the mike to me. 'Good luck,' he wished as I headed towards the stage. I gave him a thumbs up.
As I walked towards the center stage, the fans burs into loud cheers. The studio was not just full; it was overcrowded with fans. I waved at all of them.
'Are you ready?' I screamed to the crowd.
'Yes!' The crowd screamed back.
'I can't hear you!' I roared.
'YES!' They chanted louder.
'Here Is go,' I declared. I motioned the band master to start the music. As the soothing violin began to play, I started to sing.
'The crimson scent lingers in the air
Forgetting you is my despair
Day by day, your memories haunt me
The broken pieces I couldn't repair
Your image I want to see, I cling on to it tightly
In the sea of unknown faces, I look for you
Among all these people, all these faces
STOP CROWDING AROUND ME
Within the storm, I look for you
Little lost lamb
Don't let the phobia engulf you
The moon shines, ever so bright
Upon their faces pale white
No mercy for the guilty, no mercy even in death
The moon shrouds her light away
As the long night turns from silver to grey
It'll be alright my friend
The sun shall rise once again
In the fading darkness the dark night shall pass by
As the clock ticks on, the times of year old shall once again come by...'
I ended the song on a minute long high note. All throughout the song, the audience was mesmerized by my voice. The pain in the song was felt by all of them. The anguish in my voice made many of them tear up. Every note, every lyric was a tribute to the person we have lost years ago. Music was the only way I could keep Su-Ji alive.
From the corner of my eye, I saw the slim figure of Mia, entranced by my voice. She gave me a small smile, before retreating towards the backstage. Seeing her, I felt a guilty pang in my stomach.
'See you all next time!' I waved the crowd goodbye. I was followed by their chants of encore but I had more pressing matters in hand.
I walked towards the backstage. 'Where's Mia?' I asked a passing staff member.
'I saw her going towards your dressing room,' he pointed out.
I gave him a nod of thanks and headed towards my dressing room. Sure enough, she was there, examining the clothes. But something was amiss. Her eyes looked lost and she was working in a robotic fashion, not heeding to what she was actually doing.
'Mia!' I snapped my fingers near her ears. Startled, she broke out of her reverie.
'Cheng!' she said, flustered. 'You scared me.'
'What's up with you?' I asked. 'You haven't been yourself lately.'
'Nothing,' she said, avoiding my eyes. 'I've got some work so I'll be off.'
She turned to walk away but I grabbed her arm.
'What are you doing?' she struggled as I dragged her towards the couch. I ignored her and forced her to sit on it. I grabbed a chair by the make up table and sat opposite her.
'Sit,' I ordered. 'And talk.'
'Stop acting like a child!' Mia shot back. 'I told you, it's nothing.'
'You're a terrible liar,' I fired back at her. 'You're clearly upset. Your eyes look like you've been crying for hours. Now tell me, what is wrong?'
I softened my tone. Mia was at a loss for words. She ran her hand through her hair. I patted her hand reassuringly.
'We're friends Mia,' I reminded her. 'Friends don't hide their pain from each other.'
'Yesterday, Deen drew a picture at his school,' she began to narrate. 'He drew a picture of him, one hand holding mine and another one holding an unknown male's hand. He drew a question mark over the man's face. Cheng, I think he was trying to draw his father.'
She broke down completely. I squeezed her hand.
'What if he starts asking questions about that man?' she sobbed. 'I don't think I can answer his questions! He's already being bullied at school because of his father's identity.'
'Mia,' I cupped her cheeks. 'Deen is a good kid. You're doing a good job raising him. He doesn't need a father. You're giving him the love of both parents.'
'But he's going to ask questions someday,' Mia cried. 'I don't know what to tell him. I just-'
Her tears were flowing nonstop. I let her cry herself out. Finally, she managed to choke back her tears and calm down.
'How badly did that person hurt you?' I asked in spite of myself. I could not help but feel resentful towards Deen's mysterious father. 'Why did he abandon his wife and child?'
Mia took a deep breath and stood up. I gaped at her as she walked towards the door. Suddenly, she turned around to face me one last time.
'He only abandoned his child,' she said in a stoic voice. 'I never got married to him.'