CHAPTER 42- Why the sudden change?

Sakashi heard a loud noise coming from outside the room and woke up and holding her head from a terrible headache. She slanted her eyes and looked at the door before looking over and sees Azusa asleep next to her and stared at him for a few minutes. The glanced at the door again before sliding off the bed and stood up. Her head pounded but she good a step forward and walked to the door. She opened the door and walked out. The sudden bright light caused her to squint her eyes. Once her eyes had adjusted to the light sakashi looked around. Luke, was smoking his cigarette lifting his weights in the corner. He glanced at sakashi and smirked. Sakashi stood there hesitating to take another step. She saw the door that led outside and wanted to dash towards it, but she knew it would most likely be locked. And she's too physically weak to have enough energy to run. She looked over to her right and saw the bathroom. Sakashi started to make her way to the bathroom and placed her hand over her forehead again. Her head pounded harder as sakashi shut her eyes and started wobbling. Wesley turned the corner and rammed Into sakashi. Sakashi fell backward and fell on her backbone. Sakashi kept her head faced down and sat there. Her hair draped over her face as She quietly mumbled an apology. Wesley grinned, he knelt down to her and grabbed her wrist to pull her back up to her feet. "careful." he told her as he continued to walk past her. Sakashi kept silent and wobbled to the bathroom. She slowly turned around and shut the door gently. Wesley looked at the door close and huffed in amusement. He then grabbed his glass and poured himself some Everclear alcohol. Sakashi looked at herself in the mirror and began to cry. She regretted her choice to give in. She wanted to be with kalebize. She wanted to be free. She hated feeling like an imprisoned bird. She turned on the water and knelt down and began washing her face. When she looked back up she felt disgusted with herself. Turning on the shower and waited for the water to turn hot she continued to weep. After a minute she pulled the shirt off and jumped into the shower and watched her body turn the water into what seemed like a mud pit.

During sakashi's shower, Azusa started to wake up and flipped over to face sakashi. Once he noticed she wasn't there he sat up immediately and leaned out. Getting up to fast he had a sudden head rush and tripped over his feet and face planted straight into his floor. He stood up and ran out the door and looked at Wesley leaning against the counter drinking. He saw luke working out. He then faced the bathroom and heard the water running. "Is she in the bathroom?" He asked. Wesley rolled his eyes and kept drinking. "Yeah, relax azzy, you think she could get past us?" He told him. "She looked like a dirty zombie. If she's gonna be one of us. She needs to start looking better. So that's your job to keep her maintenance high." Wesley told him firmly. Wesley sighed and nodded.

Sakashi stood in the shower with her head down letting the water run down her body. She felt like There was nothing left of her, she was shattered and broken. Every ounce of her personality was shut off from showing. She shut the water off and sat down in the tub and wept more. Her body began to shiver from the cold air on her wet skin. Azusa quietly walked into the bathroom and stood there by the door listening to her cry. Sakashi began to talk to herself. She wasn't aware anyone was in there with her. "I left somebody who loved me just so he can live, forgetting about my own happiness, that's unforgivable. I left somebody out of fear, I left someone because of this child's demon father. The words I spoke to him stabbed him and my actions poisoned him like venom. To me, that's more harmful than death. He has to live without me now, I'm only killing him slowly. Was I being unfair to him? Is this a brutal massacre of a loving heart. Or is this pain a beautiful Necessary? But nothing still compares to him, I'm sorry, please forgive me."

Azusa listened to her mumbling as she wept. He stares in condemnation from behind the curtain. "I must be strong and live this new life for the sake of my child, I hope your doing ok in there," she mumbles to herself and tries to start a new life in a world without feeling joy. Azusa kept silent and walked closer to the certain and waited for her to open the curtain and step out.

Sakashi stood up and grabbed the curtain and pulled it back. She immediately jumped and slammed her back against the wall. She gulped and shut her eyes looking away facing her head down expecting a beating. He looked at sakashi and lifted a towel to her. "what are you doing? I'm sorry I didn't know you were in here." he asked her and acted as if he heard nothing. Sakashi opened her eyed and looked at him. "sorry I had a headache." she told him and gently grabbed the towel. "were you wait g long? When did you come in?" she asked? "just walked in and then you open the curtain." he lied to her so she doesn't get nervous. "but it's fine. Go and get dressed, I'll be in there in a sec, I just needed a quick 2-minute rinse." he told her as he pulled his clothes off and jumped into the shower. Sakshi stepped out fast and wrapped the towel around herself keeping silent. Azusa closed the curtain and turned the water on.

Sakashi walked out of the bathroom and closed the door and stopped. "well well. You look cleaner, can I make sure your fully clean?" Wesley asked pervertedly. Sakashi immediately opened the bathroom door back up and stepped inside and shut the door. Wesley laughed and wobbled to his couch before collapsing onto it and passed out. He had become highly intoxicated and finally knocked him out. Luke stopped working out and sighed."every single damn day I have to take your ass to your room from intoxication." sakashi leaned her forehead on the door and trembled, Azusa heard her come back in and peeked out the curtain and watched her. He sighed. "Wesley is drunk if he got a bit flirtatious," Azusa said as he turned the water off. Sakashi kept silent and blinked. Azusa stepped out and walked over to her and randomly wrapped his arms over her shoulders and around her. Sakashi didn't flinch, she stood there and wept silently. Azusa leaned over her and wrapped his hand around her cheek and turned her face to face him. Sakashi turned her face and faced him. Her tears flowing down she had no smile to her. He looked at him with eyes of misery. Azusa sighed and gently kissed her. Azusa then let out a slightly mischievous grin and pulled away and moved away from her. He grabbed another towel and began to dry himself off, sakashi looked down to the ground silently. She's trapped in a place she knows she's unable to get out of, unable to be herself. Azusa placed his clothing on and grabbed her hand gently. " let's go." he told her as he opened the door and lead her out with him. He looked around and noticed Luke had taken Wesley to his room. He walked straight into his room and closed the door. Azusa looked directly at sakashi and sighed. "I know I don't have much, but you can wear anything you want of mine. Then once you get dressed. Please eat the food I brought you." he told her. "ill be back. I'm gonna go talk to Luke about something.." he told her as he opened his door and left. The door was opened and there was no one in sight. She looked at the door to the outdoors and felt like she had a chance to attempt. But she decided to close the room door and walked to his clothing and looked for something to wear. After she put clothes on she walked over to the plate of food and began to eat. After about 22 minutes passed Azusa walked back in. It was after 10:00 pm, Sakashi was standing by the window. He couldn't help but giggle at how small she looked in his clothes. He noticed the milk and plate of food gone; he smiled. Sakashi ignored him as she watched squirrels running free around the area. " If in life we are defined by the choices we make then I am a monster.," Azusa told her. Sakashi looked back at him silently then looked at the ground. Azusa sat on his bed and leaned forward. His fingers connected to each other as his elbows rested on his knees. "it's ok if you hate me you know. No one would ever love a criminal like me anyway, I guess I'm being selfish by forcing you against your will, it's not like I enjoy what I do, I was born into this, Wesley raised me. And this is all I know. So what is it I can do to make you happier at least." Azusa asked her as he wouldn't look at her. Sakashi kept silent and looked to the window ignoring the question.

"Sakashi look, out of all the years of crimes I have done. You for some reason makes me want to be a different person. I'm tired of this crime life. And because of you, I can't stop loving you." Sakashi wouldn't look at him but her eyes became wide-eyed as she looked out the window. Azusa face planted into his palms and began rubbing his face. " I hate this feeling. What did you do to me? After I met you, all I want is you. All I want is a different life. All I want is a life free of crime and acting like a bad guy." If they know I'm feeling like this. They might just kill me.." he began talking out loud. Sakashi looks back at him silently. "You forced me to betray my love and affections I actually began to feel for someone. You caused my heart to shatter into many pieces, you stole everything from me mentally and physically, and you say your in love with me? You say your regretting your life and want to have a different life? Huh, cute. I don't even know what life out of misery and trauma is anymore. At least you felt joy in what you do, I hate my life and want to die, Every chance you get, you steal a part of me, sooner or layer ill be nothing but your toy. you and your friends make it impossible for me to put myself together. And yet, I feel some kind of unwanted love for you in my heart. Why is that? I don't know. It is probably because your the father to a baby that's growing inside of me. But for you, all of me is never enough. You can take me, you can even take my heart from my chest and kill me, Your blood is cold. Your heart can't love anything but itself. I will admit Your smile is intoxicating. But I will never forget that You don't mind watching me suffer." she began to respond calmly that eventually lead Into a frustrated angry yell."

Azusa kept silent and stood up and walked to her. Sakashi stood there and shut her eyes ready for anything. Tears fell from her eyes heavily as she clenched her fists. Azusa gripped her arms and squeezed her for a second as he closed his eyes then grit his teeth. After Watching sakashi tremble waiting for a beating he decided to just kiss her instead, but this kiss was a bit different than that she felt before. This kiss was firm and heavy from the start. Azusa felt his heart beat faster as he began to weep. He is experiencing what he believes is love and wants more. He wants to make her happy. He wants to have a normal life. He wraps his arms around her and grips her back pulling her closer Into him and tilts his head getting firmer and heavier in his kiss. Sakashi tries to push back at first and slowly grips his shoulders and pushed back, but Azusa kept her pressed Into him and wouldn't let her have any chance to pull away. He didn't want her to see tears in his eyes. His lips pressing against hers hard. he steps forward pushing her backward until her back slams against the wall he then grips her wrists and pulls her arms up and holds her hands up above her head. His chest pressing against her body he kept kissing her. Sakashi was still frustrated and was angrier at him then scared. Once Azusa contains his emotions and stops his tears, he pulls away and allows her to breathe and places his forehead on her forehead as he breathes loud with his eyes closed. Sakashi gasped and began to breathe heavily. "damnit sakashi, I am serious! I want out." he told her as he gripped her wrists harder. sakashi looked at him. "then let me go, and turn yourself in." she told him firmly. Azusa looked into her eyes and kept silent. Sakashi blinked as she looked into his eyes pinned and unable to move. Her eyes still in anger, Azusa smirked. " sakashi you say you have some kind of love for me right." he asked her. "yes but I don't want to." she responded looking away. "would you ever love someone like me willingly? A criminal?" He asked her curiously. "I'm sure I would. Just depends I guess." She looked down. " I'm still learning what love really is. I know love isn't a feeling, it's an action so I guess I would see the action someone takes for me that would make me fall for him. Criminal or not. I think of it's real then it will show, why do you ask?" she asked him suddenly. Azusa released her wrists and stepped back. "because if I do what you suggested, would you love me for real? Or would you still hate me? Sakashi I'm not joking when I say I fell in love. You showed me a light I needed." sakashi looked at him silently. "didn't you say they will kill you if they find out about this?" she asked him. "yeah, which is why they can't find out, please help me get free. And I'll return your favor. All I seem to want now is to see your happiness thrive. Even if that means putting me away. I am a very bad man." Azusa responded as he sat back down placing his elbows on his knees and leaned forward. sakashi realized he really did change. She saw how he went from a cold-hearted man to a soft vulnerable little boy. Sakashi's heart began to beat faster. She took a step forward and grabbed his wrist gently and pulled his arm to open his lap. Azusa sat up and looked up at her silently. Sakashi sat down on his lap and wrapped her arms around her neck and hugged him. "criminals like you, are criminals I know would love willingly." she whispered into his ear. She believed she was in safekeeping now. She knew she could possibly be set free again. As long as they help each other. Azusa wrapped his arms around her and nudged his face into her right shoulder and began to weep. Sakashi knew he finally released his emotions. She smiled softly and leaned her head into his and closed her eyes. That's when she knew. She doesn't mind becoming his. She gripped his shoulder blades and pushed him back to look face to face. Azusa wouldn't look in her eyes but faced her. He felt embarrassed at crying and slightly blushed in embarrassment. Sakashi smiled and leaned in and kissed him first. Azusa clenched his fists on her sides and kissed her back firmly. He could feel a difference. He felt a tenderness, he felt warmth. Sakashi and Azusa began to give and receive, we're these two soul mates finally accepting each other? Was this real? Sakashi began to feel a deeper attachment, she didn't feel this way with kalebize or Leemodo, she was wanting more. She wanted to devote her life to him, was this his hidden power? Was he Deceiving her so she could love him? Did he really want to change? Why the sudden change she pondered as she leaned into him more and closer while she kissed his gentle soft lips. Why did she end up falling in love with a rapist? A heartless man who stole everything from her? The more she kissed him the more she craves. She even forgot the pain of leaving kalebize, she forgot everything during this moment. This kiss lasted for almost thirty minutes before it increased into further action. The hotter it became the further they went. Until they both gradually went down giving it all to each other: All night long.

Questions:

1.) do you think Azusa is deceiving her or changing for real?

2.) do you think sakashi will stay with Azusa if set free or return to kalebize?

3.) do you think Wesley and Luke will find out? And how will they react?

4.) do you think Azusa and sakashi will have a girl or boy? Why do you think it is or wants it to be?