Hashirama Cells

"Before we get into that, though....why haven't you put on any shorts yet?"

The woman had put on panties but other than that she was still almost naked from the waist down and to be honest it was damn distracting. It's hard to be serious when fighting a boner.

"It's part of my seduction plan. Didn't you say you liked this one?"

"If it's that particular pair, I only remember saying I liked sliding them off." Before she opened her mouth again I already had her cut off. "And no, that's not a proposition."

"Who cares if it was?" She asked irritably. "Focus! What the heck did you just mention about destroying the realm?"

"Oh. Right. Yeah." I got back to the topic at hand. "So basically last night an army of Angels descended from the heavens lookin' to tap this ass. And tap this ass they did. While under the influence of many, many drugs I was married against my will to dozens if not hundreds of Angels. Then summarily reverse-raped, and essentially date raped. But I drugged myself in this case. Anywho what sucks is I can't even remember the good parts. What really matters though is that they made Mary watch while they were fucking me and made her wrists get all bruised up. Since I'm just a lvl 99 scrub to their what I'm just going to assume is a lvl 400 average, since that seems appropriate for an Angel, I can't exactly fight them. So I'm just going to blow up the whole realm in a fit of petty revenge. Heh. Yup, that'll kill them. Has to. If that don't I dunno what will. Oh. But don't worry I'm transplanting the population before I make things go boom."

By the end of my rant Bubbles was already on the verge of fainting. "...What? I don't...I can't even…." She shook her head. "I don't think I understood a single thing you just said. Are you still high?... Am I still high?"

"Sadly not, but if you want me to scrap a bit of powder off your ass that can be fixed."

My joke was met with no laughs at all. "Okay, explain it to me again. But slowly this time. What do you mean, they came for you?" She asked. "Like come on, be real here. Do you even understand how rare Angels sightings are to begin with? Much less a female? That woman from before was probably the only one anyone in my family has ever even seen, at least in recent memory. I mean you're good-looking and have some really unfair tongue control, but Angels aren't going descend to the mortal planes just to have sex with you." The blunt assertion held an unwavering belief.

I shrugged, "They want that good D, what can I say? People do crazy things for a good lay. The fact that I'm the reincarnation of their past lover has everything to do with it, I'm sure."

She just laughed. "Good one." She smirked, wiping away a tear.

I just raised a brow.

"Oh. Oh! You're serious." She blinked. "Uh. Okay then. Reincarnated Angel-lover. Right."

"Yeah, I know how it sounds."

Bubbles looked at me all skeptical. "Do you?"

"Yeah, I do. Ah. And I should probably mention I was their father in that past life, too."

"Of course you were." I felt a pat on my shoulder. "Now, what do you say we get you to bed, big guy? You look like you need the rest."

I smacked her arm away. "I ain't high and I ain't crazy. I was really raped by a Whore of Angels."

"That's some serious blasphemy right there, pal."

"Don't worry. I was a Dragon God. I'll allow it."

"You were Okeanos." She snorted. "Sure, why not? Jeez. Why do powerful handsome dudes always have a god complex?"

"Hey, you're the one who wants me."

"I'm slowly beginning to realize how bad a taste I have in men, yes. Or maybe I really do just like you for your face and cock. Actually, yeah. I like that. Let's go with that."

"Can you not make light of your feelings all of a sudden just because you think I'm going mental? Your poor taste aside, I'm being serious here."

"That's what makes it so bad!" She waved a hand like she wanted to hit me. "You're obviously delusional, with a majorly inflated ego! Do you not hear yourself? Hell's bells, I finally find a guy I really like messing around with and he turns out to be an honest-to-gods nutcase! Ugh. I Just can't right now. Look, just get your ass to bed, alright? I'll book you a trip to a professional tomorrow."

"Nutcase I may be, but you've always known that. Come on, where's the respect? You shouldn't be talking to me like that. Like what happened to that whole 'Your Grace' thing?"

"You ate my ass." She stated bluntly. " We're long past that phase, buddy."

Motherfucker. Eat a girl out a couple times and she thinks she can just make fun of you when you tell her you were molested by Angels for being the reincarnation of their Dragon God father/lover.

She could at least be polite about her disbelief. Instead I'm called a nutcase and told she's going to bring me to a professional, no ifs, ands or buts about it. If it were my other friends like Cass or Will they'd just pour me a drink and tell me to keep talking, but no, not Bubbles.

I guess it's true. The closer you are to a person the more overbearing and disrespectful they become! And to think I'm just letting her speak to me like that without slappin' a bitch!

I sorely regret eating her ass. It's given her too much power. Shoulda just stuck with the fingering.

And here I am thinking it's courtesy. A bit of sex etiquette. Hmph. Never again! Never, I say!... Knowing full well as soon as Mary or Vee are up for it I'll be tossing salad for dinner.

"Believe it or not, I'm still blowing up the realm."

"Don't be stupid. You can't just destroy a realm. It's not that easy. Lady Mary would die too, you know? If nothing else I know you care about her and your other overgrown shrub. Because let's be real, where would you put her if you wanted her to survive? Her main body is way too big to just move."

"I have a big heart. I'll find her plenty of room."

"You're starting to piss me off."

"I do have that effect on people."

She just sighed. "Seriously. Okay, fine, let's humor you and say there are a 'Whore of Angels' out to get you. And the only way you can beat them is destroying the realm. First off where, exactly, are you going to put Mary if you want her to live? And don't give me that metaphorical heart bullshit again."

"Remember Sera? The fire Dragon? So she's actually the manifestation of the core of some kinda OP array which is, from my understanding, like an entire world unto it's own. And she's using my body as a kinda rent-free apartment right now. I accidentally planted Vee there already and since Sera is connected to me I guess my energies poured into Vee. Which is why she changed like that. But I digress. Simply put, I'll do the same with Mary."

She nodded along easily. "That makes no fucking sense. How is she the core of an array? I don't get it. But whatever. Next, what about the population? How are you going to move THEM?"

"I'm going to visit one of the main realms owned by my family, pick up some starships, and corral them inside before setting off to parts unknown. Mary has a certain realm in mind."

"Fine. The Angels. How are you going to keep them from noticing all this?"

It was my cue to laugh. I promptly snapped my fingers and summoned forth...a clone!

"Behold! Their own personal me! Slap 'em with this and they'll be too busy orgy'ing to notice anything."

"..." She looked at me sadly.

"What?"

"That's the single most retarded, dangerous and insane plan I've ever heard. Also just the thought that you think whoring yourself, even if it's just your clone, is a good idea makes me kinda wanna cry. Not that I think there's really an army of Angels waiting on your cock, but still. Respect yourself a little, okay?"

"It's my clone and I'll pimp it out if I want to."

"Yeah." My clone nodded. "If fucking a gaggle of horny, sexy Angels is what I have to do to get revenge for our poor milf tree...then so be it." His voice was set in a grim, solemn tone.

"Don't act like it's some noble sacrifice." Bubbles sneered. "You just wanna get your dick wet."

"Aye. That I do, lass. That I do."

I immediately smacked the living daylights outta him. "Son of a bitch, the hell you eager for? You have Mary and Vee!"

He glared at me, rubbed his head and then held up a hand. "Um, nah dude. You do. I'm a free man. I'm just a clone. I gotta enjoy my life, you know? YOLO, bitch."

"The hell is that supposed to mean?" Bubbles asked.

"It means that by the time I'm done with them this dick gonna be so well polished it'll shine bright enough to make the Cullinan diamond seem like a foggy piece of glass." My clone promised. "I can start that with you, if you want." He offered shamelessly.

Bubbles folded her arms. "I prefer the real Damien Claybrook."

The clone stepped forward. "Babe, I can be whatever you want."

"I said, the REAL Damien Claybrook."

The clone took my shoulder and presented me forth. "This guy? Really?"

She grinned. "Perfection."

"He won't even fuck you."

"I love challenges. Sluts aren't my thing."

I stared at my clone all the while. "This guy seems like he's got a bit more personality than the last one."

"Yeah." Bubbles agreed. " It's weird. He feels sturdier, too. Like he has more...substance." She poked him curiously. In the next instant her arm was bathed in water and she ruthlessly slashed down at his shoulder like some kind of psychopath.

Caught off-guard the clone could only take the attack. The watery blade sliced halfway through before stopping and becoming encased in what looked eerily like…

"It's made of wood!" Bubbles exclaimed in astonishment

She plucked the words right out of my head. That's right. It was wood. The stuff was now bursting out from the clone's wound and quickly reconnecting the separated "tissue."

"Fuck!" The clone screamed. "What the HELL is wrong with you, you goddamn cunt?"

"Why is it made out of wood?" She looked at me quizzically.

I was about to answer that I didn't know, only to remember one important detail: Vera was inside me, connected through Sera. Which meant...

Realization finally dawned, like a bolt of lightning.

"Holy mother of God…" I muttered to myself.

I've got Wood Release!