Review Detail of Phantomfiend in Football-Ballon d'or or die [Gacha System]

You use too much Onomatopoeia. In one chapter, 3 to 5 are enough. That's the maximum amount. If there are too many, the reader's reading flow will be disrupted. Also, don't combine Onomatopoeia words in a sentence. That's not good writing. Let one Onomatopoeia word itself be on a separate line. Out of 5 chapters, chapter 4 was really uncomfortable to read. The structure is probably something I rarely or never see in other webnovels I've read. I suggest reading other similar webnovels to be able to imitate the writing style and structure.