Review Detail of MansonFD7 in Keepers of Every Universe

This novel was interesting and pretty immersive. But here are several things you could improve to make it easier to read: 1. Separate the dialogue sentences. And prioritize the action before the reaction. Example: Sentences about something, and the character said. "Dialogue about something," 2. Simplify the sentences from the sticky words. Because sticky words make the sentences harder and longer to read. Example: a. She raised her arm alongside her face and pressed her fingers together. b. Again the woman snapped, and again the world changed. c. She motioned high with her arm, raising a bonfire out of the ground, fully lit. Fixed: a. She raised her arm and snapped her fingers. b. The woman snapped and the world changed again. c. She reached her arm to the ground and lighten it with the rising bonfire. PS: Although it may sounded bland, but always remember. Removing some sticky sentences allowing you to be more creative on using stronger words without using too much sticky words. 3. Use the "*" mark to showing the SFX of your story. Example: *SNAP* 4. Prioritize active verbs to make your writing felt more direct. Example: a. Before long, the void had been entirely replaced with a lush tropical forest. b. The tropical forest was instantly replaced with a snowy mountain landscape. Fixed: a. Before the lush tropical forest was replacing the blackened void. b. A snowy mountain landscape instantly replaced the tropical forest. 5. Be more sparingly when using commas. Because commas is the pause sign of the sentences, in which where the reader have to pause in the middle of the sentences. But, putting too much commas can damaging the reader's immersion when reading the sentences. That is all. I hope you'll understand, and I have a good faith this novel will succeeded.