webnovel
xNoReadNoLifex
xNoReadNoLifexLv51yr
2022-11-27 16:37

So far it is a nice concept. But chapters are too short. Additionally, MC is dumber than a rock. I hope this helps. Suggestions: Make mc think through his actions or explain why he is as dumb as he is. Develop the chapter by putting more detail when describing. Hope this helps

I became Walder Frey

dogassnetorare
Not enough ratings
7 Chs

Liked by 2 people

LIKE
Replies4
dogassnetorare
dogassnetorareAuthor

dumb? the protagonist literally hasn't done anything yet, why is he dumb?

1yr
2
xNoReadNoLifex
xNoReadNoLifexLv5

Whoa you don’t see it. Just Whoa. Okay. The setting is game of thrones. Strength should not be the dominant factor when everyone already knows Walter is old and weak. He could have easily used that to make people underestimate him while he increases his other stats. Furthermore, he should have summoned the hero first, looked at their stats and then picked a stats to increase. Additionally, spending every bit of store point before even finding out how to obtain more on a consistent basic is not smart. That is why I called him dumb. Unless of course you want to use his actions as some sort of character development. There is more but I think I would bore you with them. PS: I don’t know how to write. Especially not write a fanfic like your that have an interesting plot. Please don’t take this as an insult. I just wanted to give a detail review for once.

dogassnetorare:dumb? the protagonist literally hasn't done anything yet, why is he dumb?
1yr
1
bored_6
bored_6Lv4

dumb is not a word I would use. it looks slightly like he is rushing due to panic.

xNoReadNoLifex:Whoa you don’t see it. Just Whoa. Okay. The setting is game of thrones. Strength should not be the dominant factor when everyone already knows Walter is old and weak. He could have easily used that to make people underestimate him while he increases his other stats. Furthermore, he should have summoned the hero first, looked at their stats and then picked a stats to increase. Additionally, spending every bit of store point before even finding out how to obtain more on a consistent basic is not smart. That is why I called him dumb. Unless of course you want to use his actions as some sort of character development. There is more but I think I would bore you with them. PS: I don’t know how to write. Especially not write a fanfic like your that have an interesting plot. Please don’t take this as an insult. I just wanted to give a detail review for once.
1yr
xNoReadNoLifex
xNoReadNoLifexLv5

Humm. What panic?

bored_6:dumb is not a word I would use. it looks slightly like he is rushing due to panic.
1yr
Other Reviews
Bob_Uchiha_XD
Bob_Uchiha_XDLv4

The male lead is NOT Chinese, Korean, Japanese, or Asian. The protagonist is a person who prioritizes his own well-being and fun, the second priority is to improve his territory. The protagonist admits that he does not feel an emotional bond with the Frey family; however, his plans include strengthening the Frey family and using its members to build a new kingdom. By the way, author, give the female characters a little more personality but without taking chapters from the MC. Also, add more details about the development and construction of the new kingdom, because this story is tagged: construction of the kingdom.

1yr

Golias
GoliasLv5

Reveal spoiler

1yr
Lewk_Santos
Lewk_SantosLv14

the concept was nice, but a pity story remains a concept. Seven very short chapters.

3mth
0DarkWolf0
0DarkWolf0Lv1

[img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update][img=update]

1yr
Dannt_
Dannt_Lv2

Me encanta la idea y de como deja lo cliche de aliarse a loa rebeldes y se alia con los dragones. Me gusta la personalidad del mc, sigue publicando porfavor

1yr
Related Stories

The Phoenix - A GOT Fan-Fiction

Immortal. All-powerful. A singular existence in the cosmos. The Phoenix. Thoughtlessly leaving comment on a forum one night, had Phenex thrust into the world of Planetos, as a being of nigh-unlimited power. And with his arrival the destiny of Westeros and the rest of the world will never be the same. ................................ This Fan-Fiction is about the Game of Thrones Series with minor elements from the books. It is a slow paced story and therefore a bit different than my other works. There will be a multi-pairing, but not in a typical harem setting. Meaning the MC will have multiple partners, but they do not necessarily stay with him and are not his silent trophies. Though he will of course have permanent partners. I will upload this story monthly, but more than 35 advanced chapters of this story are on my p@treon account, which I update daily. This account isn't a priority of mine and just exists to stop others from stealing my intellectual property. (My p@treon-acc: www.p@treon.com/GodOfFreedom; Don't forget to change the @ for an a...) Last, but not least, I don't own anything but my own characters, as I do not own the cover image, which I found on the internet. If you are the creator and want me to take it down, just send me a message or leave a comment. Enjoy!

GodOfFreedom · TV
4.4
162 Chs

Reborn In Modern family as Iron Man!

Our story follows a guy who is the Twin brother of Hayley Turns out he had already once lived before, After getting his memories and realizing his situations he gets a System. The Iron Man System Oh, And the world is also swarming with End Game Boses. ------ For those who want to support me, Here is the Link: https://discord.gg/nPRBd4MD ---------- Full disclaimer: I do not own the orignal Version of the TV shows and Movies I use as crossover material in this fanfiction, All of that belongs to there respective owner, I Am only responsible for the OC in my Fanfic and the unique events that play out due to it being crossover Worlds And if the Orignal Copyright holder wishes for me to remove there Work, I'll be happy to do so I would also like to thank ChatGPT or OpenAI as that has made the entire writing quality of this novel so much better, Credits to them for improving the writing quality at around Ch 76 to 128. ----- This Fanfiction Contains supernatural elements and diffrent shows as well as movies, Currently one such show that is shown in the world is Wednesday, But there are more shows or movies to be found in this world such as the new Arc of Transformers

Karate_master_b · TV
4.2
200 Chs

Game of Thrones: The Odd-Fish

Our protagonist was in the real world a teenager whose not-so-shitty future was crushed when he was diagnosed with a disease from which he had almost no chance to come out alive. As expected, he didn’t beat the odds and died. But that wasn’t the end. As you have probably guessed (if you have read the tags), death offered him a second chance. A chance to live again… in a world of swords, kings, and dragons. Reborn as William Tully in the year 263 AC, one year after Robert Baratheon's birth and thirty-five years before the beginning of the events of Game of Thrones, William is no ordinary nobleman. He is the son of Brynden Tully, the man who, in this altered timeline, never became the 'Blackfish'. Giving in to the pressures of his older brother Hoster, Brynden married, and through this union, William was born. One thing that didn't change in this version however; The Riverlands remain as fragmented and overlooked as ever, a land known for the pragmatism and the resilience of its people, the richness of its soil, nourished by the numerous rivers that weave through the land, but never its power. But William has plans. Armed with memories of his past life, the knowledge of what's to come and (not too OP) wishes, he isn’t content with the Riverlands being a mere footnote in Westerosi politics. His ambitions soar far higher. His goal? To turn the Riverlands into a mighty kingdom, one that commands respect, fear, and prestige far beyond its reputation as the forgotten 'sage child' of Westeros. In this story, you will follow William as he maneuvers his way through the dangerous political landscape of Westeros. He will forge alliances, make enemies and challenge the very balance of power in a world where the game of thrones spares no one. Alongside him, familiar and new faces, some canon, others invented, will shape his journey into an uncertain future, where the Riverlands could rise to greatness, fall into flames, or both. --- Schedule: Three chapters a week for now, one on monday, one on wednesday and one on friday. Feel free to share your honest review on this fanfiction and shower me with those delectable power stones! I haven’t launched my Patreon yet, but get your free membership now to stay in the loop (even through I will defenitely mention it between chapters when something's going on there): https://www.patreon.com/Barbare. As for Discord, I don’t have a dedicated server for this fanfic yet, but it’s definitely coming soon!

Barbare · TV
4.9
17 Chs
Login