Review Detail of OnizukaShinu in In danmachi as a vampire

It has great potential yet the author blew it with his overused grammar and perspective changes. The mc’s dialogue was unrealistically obnoxious, heck, delirious. It’s plain and generic, I would understand the mistakes since you’re new. I reccomend you to not do those ”author’s pov” or “scene change” just stick to one perspective and other ways for scene change by all creative means, since it’s sickening. I hope you understand and have a good life.