Review Detail of madretzl in Swords and Socery

I am not good at writing and this is my very first (web)novel, so it's not the best story but I will do my best so please read this novel and it's good If you also read my second chapter because I think I did better in the 2 chapter. If you have any ideas what I could do better, then please write it in the commens, also English is not my native language, sorry but I also want to get better in things like writting in english. I hope you'll like it btw I think I wrote some funny things.