Review Detail of ZeroSerei in The Boy Of Her Dreams

Sorry for the average review, but so far there are a lot of things I believe you will need fixing with. here's some of them: 1. The way you write your story is pretty troublesome to read. They need to have quotation marks when they talk... 2. When they're talking, they need to be separated from the main paragraph, break them apart if you have to. 3. The dialogue is pretty okay, but it feels hollow. I see that you have some talent in you so I recommend a bit of studying and practice to get you where you want to go. I believe in you, Best of luck!