Review Detail of 99dollars in Power Leveling System

hello, author here. since this is my first the writing a story (professionally), I already knew the story wasn't going to be as good as the ones on here. at first I put this on here for fun just to see if people would read it or not, but then people started to comment on it and telling me about the problems so I decided to take it seriously and work on it. I apologize if this story isn't up to your standards, but I can guarantee that it'll get better as I write. :-)