The story is not bad but still needs some work done. One: There are some grammar mistakes that, if you reread the story, they can be fixed. Second: The first chapter, you used “he” a lot that i was lost a bit and had to reread again. If you don’t want to introduce the MC’s name in the first chapter to create mystery, you can use the boy, a characteristic trait, the person, the figure, etc. Still use “he” but other stuff with it. Third and Last: Break up your paragraphs. Sorry if I came off rude, I didn’t mean too. You are doing good, the pacing is well, keep going and keep improving, I see potential in this story!
PureBlood404
ถูกใจ 1 คน
ถูกใจfor the first one, i am sorry, English isn't my native language and I have a lot to learn. the second one, I edited it and I think it's better now third one, yeah I will try, I mean I think it doesn't give the impact it gives if I break the paragraph, I will try in upcoming chapters don't worry you aren't rude, and thank you for your constructive criticism it helps me a lot