Review Detail of j0sejalap3n0 in Travelling My Favorite Worlds!

well i don't hate fan-fic and your english isn't that bad but your story have no structure bro. if you have a programming background then you are writing with recursion() function which is understandable to you but a headache for others . have someone proofread it first.

Im sorry to hear that, I do have a background in coding but I dont see what you mean, Im sorry. I am working pretty hard at making a fluid story in the little bit of free time that I have and am relying on you guys, the readers to let me know if anything is wrong. If you let me know what you feel is wrong Ill take a better look at it but for now all I can say is I am trying my best.

well you know in c language when main function is flowing in one direction then suddenly there is a call to recursion() function and then the function is run first then it returns to main(). when understanding this kind of programs is possible but due to nonlinear flow it gets harder to understand...... please indicate who is talking to who.. and some minor adjustments and i will read it again and support you with power stone ..i in no way was trying to discourage you, it was just constructive criticism. i have not commented this long to anyone .i see potential in your work as being of of the best stories that was the reason for my outrage .. best of luck with your novel and if you are offended think of me as some random stranger on the internet who doesn't know ****.. and have a good night.

The following is one of the examples of i don't understand who is talking to whom (its a copy pest from the 3rd chapter) . . example 1:( i can understand if you were trying to be mysterious but its just the start of my frustration) I gotta hide or that bastard Hokage is going to make me go investigate it. Ah whatever, he can have one of the other 2 go do it, they're plenty strong without me. Even with war looming over us it should be fine. ...****. I just realized that this is even more reason for him to send me along with the other two to investigate, if this is an enemy attacking us then we will need to retaliate which means he needs strong shinobi. Yup I have decided I will hide, I can go ask that bastard to hide me, but knowing him he's busy doing something disgusting. Well I have my own hiding spots that nobody has found yet thankfully. Though they have found a few others. I quickly hide my aura and quickly dash over to my hiding spot before I lay down and close my eyes as I hide my aura. If I stay still enough and control myself then I should be fine here... right? 30 minutes later... "Get the **** up you Disgusting bum. The Hokage gave us a mission." God, why am I always right. I yawn then start walking out of the village. What you thought I wouldn't sleep? Pft, of course I would. It's boring there, all of my materials were missing so I decided to just relax and keep a low profile. Lot of good that did me though. After yawning and stretching one of my teammates hit me on the head, "Wake up dumbass, we have to get there fast and don't have time to wait for you." Then both of my teammates went and jumped off into the forest in the direction I saw the ball land. Ugh, what a pain. I jump to the trees using my body flicker technique leaving a puff of smoke where I initially was. Normally I would preserve my chakra more to deal with enemies but honestly I am more scared of what my teammates would do if I took too long getting to them. After doing it a few more times I had finally caught up to them bounding through the trees so I stopped using the technique and starting running with them. After running about 20 minutes we came upon a clearing where the other 2 decided to stop at and investigate. I may as well join them. I jump down from the tree and walk next to them while rubbing my head, "So is this the area?" My teammate looks at me and sighs, "No it's just an opening in the middle of a forest covered in char. Get your mind off your disgusting habits for once." I look to my other teammate for support but they just shake their head. See this is why I don't stick up for you when you go off and do your own thing, we are supposed to help each other out. After walking for several minutes, while my teammates were on guard mind you, I was casually walking, we stumbled upon a large crater in the middle of the burned clearing, it was easily several meters wide and a few meters deep. It was as if a rock landed here. Ooh that's good, I am going to write that down, maybe it will come in handy. I pull out my research notebook and start writing it down when one of my teammates goes and hits it out of my hand, "Hey! That is my research notebook." They give me the evil eye before they scoff and jump down into the hole. I pick up the notebook and write a few more details about it before I put it away and jump down to follow them in the dent that was made. "So that was rude. Find anything?" Both of them shake their head while looking in the walls for details. Screw that, I'm going to the center, that's where all the juicy details are. As I walk there the ground gets hotter until at the lowest point there is a boy laying there. He looks to be about 15. Actually he reminds me of that kid Uzumaki except his hair is nowhere near as spiky as his and his hair actually appears to be darker, interesting. . .

The following is the copy pest of chapter 4 in which the confusing parts are (1.mc self thought,2. orichimaru, 3.jiraya , 4. mc talking to other but whom its not clear.) . . .example 2.:- Wait, I'm in the Naruto world, don't tell me this is Jiraiya and Orochimaru? They look so different though from the anime. Maybe it's because I'm seeing them as real people in a 3D world and not 2D? "So kid, I see you're awake now. Lemme give you some advice and not try anything if you're thinking of it. That..." he stops to laugh for a bit for some reason, "Girl stalking you while you sleep." Oh that explains his laughter. He continues, "They're a pervert. Not just a normal one though, they like to look at boys, girls, women, men, grandma's, and grandpa's. Nobody is safe from the sick bastard." Who I am going to assume to be Orochimaru is not taking this well and decides to finally respond, "That is entirely baseless, I merely keep an eye out for those that interest me or those that will help me to advance some of the jutsu's or medicine we have." At his moment a blonde woman walked in, and hot damn. I approve. Like, **** man. She was amazing at 50 in the anime, in real life she looks drop dead gorgeous. Fuck, umm issues issues. I sit cross legged so that she can't see anything. Where was I? Oh yeah? She's definitely Waifu material. Honestly if I knew that Tsunade would look this fine in person then I would have never decided to go to the Danmachi world first, would have definitely chosen breast girl- I mean, best girl Tsunade. Please oh wise ones, thank you for finally helping me to pick this world for I have now chosen my first harem member. I look around and while I was busy trying to hide bothersome things and thanking people for blessing me with this beauty she had apparently hit Jiraiya and Orochimaru for being too loud (I guess?). After dealing with them she walked over with a strained smile on her face, "So you are awake. With those 2 fools watching you I can't blame you for not being able to sleep." She looks over to the two that are in fetal position on the ground and holding their head's, "Yo, dumbasses. Go get our teacher over here. Tell him the kid is up." It seems like they didn't need to think twice and both disappeared in an instant, whether it was for fear on not obeying her or to get away from her I don't think people will ever know. She then looked back at me, **** I forgot she's tsun-tsun to people, which makes her highly likely to be tsundere. I'm no masochist, but she's so hot. WHAT DOES A MAN DO IN THIS SITUATION? After looking for a few minutes, "Well you seem to have no problem with your eyes. So time to ask some basic information. Name, age, height, weight, and origin." How no nonsense, though I can't blame her, she want's to be ready for the Hokage. What how did I know it was the Hokage? Haha, well I remember that Sarutobi, the third Hokage, is their teacher from back when they were younger, and considering Jiraiya looks younger than me I am guessing they're early 20's, mid 20's at max. "Okay. Joseph, 27, 6 foot even, about 240 pounds, and..." **** uh, where do I put I come from? 'Host can just answer honestly. Granted things may not turn out well but with how things are here system is unable to tell. Though host does not need to worry about something barring host from responding certain ways, host has complete *******.' Okay, "I'm from another planet that was called earth." She looks up from the clipboard and sighs before looking at me again, "Okay now this time give me some real information. You may not have chakra fluctuations in your body so I can't tell that you're lying but still some of these answers are too impossible, the only believable thing is your name and even that is outrageous. So please, try again but this time be honest." She rubs her temples like she's getting a headache. But I was completely honest? ..(there is no indication who is talking to

After reading all your comments I see what you mean, I feel I remember others having trouble with some of the issues you mentioned as well, granted chapter 3 was ambiguous on purpose, chapter 4 wasn't trying to be. I believe I fix it later on, if not then I will work harder on it from now on. Also as hard as it is to make your own original work it is very worth it as well, I love seeing people enjoy what I write and it helps me get through the week. Also I support criticism whole heartedly and I appreciate it more so when they actually explain. I would be lying if I said that I wasn't a bit upset at your comments when I first​ woke up but once you gave a proper explanation and reasoning I was very understanding and saw where the problem lies, so thank you very much for the help.