I'm an avid reader wanting to try writing as well. I started out with poetry before trying to write a long story.
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Its species is roast meat? What the hell?
I honestly don't mind the edge, but the backstory it's painting is just a bit wrong. It would've been fine if he was in university or even a freshly graduated working adult. But dude, he's just in his final year in high school. What kind of dark history would he even have? What kind of people would he have stepped over when his family was having financial trouble? How long ago was this dark past supposed to be anyway? Elementary?
Are you saying the system is only counting the net income? That's bs when it literally said every yuan earned is equivalent to a point. Just because he had covered the expenses for the ingredients doesn't mean that money wasn't earned.
Man, I tried to continue reading this, but it's really just disgusting how he has to literally be a damned slave just to get money for himself. What a masochist.
Did she really think her son would be there and even call her for help with babies that weren't even his? What brain rot is this?
Amelia's rescue happened before his falling out with Sarah, right?
Got shot in the head, and still she had enough life in her to talk?
He git +5 Charm just now which meant his Charm was already 11 before this. So why did this special data panel or whatever only appear now?
Her leg was fractured. Why does she seem to have healed already in just two days?
So how is he going to explain his gaming purchases that are likely being delivered to his home by now?