raynei_achilles

i really, i mean i really liked the background of story but you could have done so much more...ln my opinion you could have focused more on the political site of the galaxy instead of focusing on building a ludicrous navy for thyferra. in my opinion the story could have gone full game of thrones. count veridian should not have been the only living member of house verydian,he may have been the heir to the house, but it's rather unrealistic how he is the sole member of a house of such importance to the galaxy. I'm not saying he should have had a system or some bulshit like that, but he could have been give some things to help with his goals in the long run, like his family having someone like varys from GOT to be his Master of whispers y'know, a spymaster in charge of a secret agency. the story should have focused on a political chess between him and palpatine for the control of the galaxy. palpatine would began nurturing him as a puppet to further his agenda to become emperor, having a strong puppet in the senate, while Count veridian would also be manipulating him. thyferra's navy should not be very powerful, however it should have a glass canon build (many small capital ships capable of longe range fire, i was thinking something like the Mac Guns from halo, however the projectiles would travel in hyperspace before hitting its target). in conclusion, maybe try a rewrite, this story has so much potential.

wait, did wheelie the wheels just say "let's go for a walk"???