Patch_Client

It's an okay chapter. It did okay with introducing the Gabriella as the main protagonist and Vanessa as the main antagonist. I just want to reiterate that you should "show" rather than "tell". It might be quite difficult to wrap your head around that idea but put it this way: both a good person and a bad person has something bad about them. Besides, nobody is perfect. A bad person will deny anything that is bad about them and tell everyone that they are a good person. However, a good person will not accept that there she has done bad things and there are things that people don't like about her, but she acknowledges all these bad things, she strives to improve herself and make it as an inspiration to do good deeds to others.

Drop the "'We shall see who laughs last in the end" part. That is unnecessary.

You could have included this in her dialogue in the paragraph before this one.

Did she just sing sang the first part of her dialogue? She a total cringe. Ugghh!

If I were to write this part I would say: Gabriella smiled at the woman realising that she is just concerned about her daughter, "I understand that you are just concerned about your daughter, and I don't think what she did warrants a punishment." Remember to show more, tell less. If you want the readers to feel that a character is a good person, make your readers feel that she is a good person. No good person says "I am a good person" because good people and bad people both have bad things in them, the difference between good people from bad people is that good people know that there's something bad about them, they acknowledge it, and use it as inspiration to do good to others. Bad people on the other hand, deny anything that is bad about them and tell everyone that they are good people. That's why a lot of bad people are hypocrites.

Vanessa reminds me of those typical villains in latino telenovelas. I bet she likes doing monologues~ haha

Who said this?

Okay, that dialogue really sounded sus. Villains typically rub into people's faces that they are the good guys when in reality they are not. And Gabriella here's also going to chastise the woman too?? Okay, well, I do hate the woman but something tells me Gabriella is not the good person that she wants people to think.

This woman!!! I suddenly have the urge to rip all of this woman's hair from her scalp.

Just drop the last sentence. That wasn't necessary.