crazed4now
Hey! I'm Kristen. I'm an American living in Japan and working as a teacher. I like video games, manga, coffee, photography, and sleep.
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4โมเมนต์
30
crazed4now1yrตอบกลับถึง Niall_1- crazed4now1yrตอบกลับถึง Niall_1Ch 29 Going Down
- crazed4now1yrตอบกลับถึง hansora
- crazed4now1yrตอบกลับถึง Shriaaa
I toooooold you~
Natio reached out to the side and picked up one of the pieces of fabric, staring at the violet bit of cotton intensely. Closing his fingers around it, he held the small scrap tightly and closed his eyes. "Go," he whispered, a faint purple glow emerging from between his fingers. As he opened his fist, a small glowing butterfly emerged, its wings the same shade as the fabric from before. It flitted around the room, landing on other bits of fabric on the ground. One by one, the flutter of patchwork butterflies grew into a radiant array that danced around them. - crazed4now1yrตอบกลับถึง Jeffrey_Head
I read the paragraph like, 5 times now and I'm not sure where you think the "she" would go. Can you be more specific?
ย่อหน้านี้ถูกลบแล้ว - crazed4now1yrตอบกลับถึง hansora
There isn't, but it was mentioned in this paragraph. She's the embodiment of the goddess Miosa. Maybe it's a bit too wordy of a paragraph and I should split it up. :/
A young and frail-looking woman with long pearly hair that nearly touched the floor, the Rami was a rare sight, even for those inside the House. She didn't have to attend the same services and ceremonies as the others, which made sense given that most of those were to give praise to Miosa, the goddess of all creation. Being an embodiment of the goddess herself, it wouldn't make much sense for the Rami to join in the prayers. She instead only came out to judge trials, partake in festivals, and attend certain meetings. The rest of the time she would spend in her room or the library, always dressed head to toe in the finest clothes anyone could hope to lay their hands upon. Rare jewels, foreign designs, and fine silks were all things Minas had seen the woman wear in her years there. The townspeople were also not beholden to any dress restrictions, but even the richest of citizens couldn't hope to match the opulence adorned by the Rami. - crazed4now1yrเพิ่มความเห็นแล้ว
Even without a sensory description of it, I can smell his gross tobacco breath here. Ugh. -_-
Her honey words deepened Igarashi Keigo's smile. He walked closer to Hisaki and bent over her. The warmth of his breath fanned her face as only a few inches separated their lips. - crazed4now1yrตอบกลับถึง hansora
Forbidden to some.
Minas quickly pulled out the drawer of her desk and slid the journal back inside. She wasn't sure how much trouble she could get in for writing Abulinan words, but she didn't want to find out the hard way. Though, it wasn't speaking, which is what the rule was about. So maybe it was fine after all. - crazed4now1yrแปะแล้ว
A really cool idea and some great development! You should go through and make sure your tenses are consistent, though. Pick past or present tense. "I bow... expression changed" kind of sentences can be a bit jarring.
หนังสือเล่มนี้ถูกลบแล้ว - crazed4now1yrเพิ่มความเห็นแล้ว
If this is the girl's POV, it should be "fiancée" with two e's.
หนังสือเล่มนี้ถูกลบแล้ว - crazed4now1yrตอบกลับถึง Elloello
- crazed4now1yrตอบกลับถึง Shriaaa
I mean, who hasn't?
"There was a giant eyeball chasing me down the halls this time." - crazed4now1yrตอบกลับถึง Elloello
- crazed4now1yrตอบกลับถึง OnikunStudios