ZessIsaMess

remove "yet". and start a sentence from there

unnecessarily long. you can take out the As, and other things. These extra words slow down the story for no reason.

3 commas is a bit too much. Im sure you can logically split this into 2 sentences.

Nice. Excellent start, as always, and very, very, very fun new idea. I hope the story grows well and the author publishes a lot of chapters daily! All the very best!

Instead of saying the squadrons, could you describe these planes? Im not aware if you did in previous chapters but I think it would be nice here if you didn't already.

Akari was a man in his late forties, but he looked quite young, with only a few gray hairs sprouting from his beard and head. He was the Admiral of the Empire's Second Fleet. (this is what id do personally)

I admire the author's structured approach to developing the story and captivating readers right from the start. The protagonist's struggles are compelling, and the writing style, particularly the grammar, is impressive. It's only read 5 chapters, but I'm looking forward to what's coming. I won't let it go without constant updating

Grammatical error: "Dad is sure to be creative." Correction: "Dad sure is creative."

Although I only read 5 chapters, the writing quality and dialogue is definitely top tier on this site, along with a plot that I've never seen before. Even the characters feel like real persons in that short time.

This stuff is real interesting man, I m looking foward to see how it continues with a plot like this. (now obligatory character count obligatory character count )