JuniorJumble

Sure, my discord is @14o41

I missplaced this comment. Ment to write it under my review but I guess this works too lol.

I’m sorry if any of this review felt harsh but I wanted to give an honest opinion. I don’t mean anything bad, your writing skills are already really good but I believe that you have room to grow as an Author. Hope you don’t take any of this the wrong way!

The Author is an expert at Word Smithing. They beautifully craft a grand combonation of words that paint an extrodinary picture fitting of the mood. Writing Quality is an obvious 10/10 because of that. I do have trouble understanding parts of the plot (more specifically the prologue), however, this is probably due to the state of mind I am in while reading this (terrible ADHD). The Updating Stability is also great so far but there are only 7 chapters right now (Prologue - 2.2) so it's hard to tell. Even so, 10/10. It's unfair of me to grade Story Development, Character Design, or World Background as of right now but, so far, the novel barely lacks anything. I would even say that Webnovel doesn't deserve such high quality but I'm glad I get to witness something like this from the start. I probably should have waited on writing this review, but I wanted to help the Author by giving them a bit of motivation and confidence. There's only so few people that have actually seen this novel compared to other works so I didn't want them losing hope when they've only just begun. That being said, there is need for a bit of feedback. - Theres a bit of spoilers going forward in this review. - For one, the relationships of the characters move a little fast and we don't have time to simmer in the emotional tension of the character interactions. Like the love triangle between the MC, her cousin, and her guardian. Her cousin likes the guardian but we don't know the cousin as a character. Therefore, we don't feel anything for her despair. You could only feel for a person you don't know through relating experiences or pity. It feels like the Author is so lost in the characters that they forget to explain them to us. We don't really get to understand who is who. The cousin kind of just appears out of no where and steals the spotlight. It just felt like something important was skipped. We don't know the character at all but the Author knows everything about them. (This gets resolved later in Chapter 2.2 where the character is developed a bit for us to understand but it feels a little late.) An author gets to spend an astronomical amount of time with their character in comparison to a reader, so it is understandable that something like this can happen. The Author just didn't realize that we needed a bit more time to relate to the characters, to build an understanding, and to become attached to them. - Most of this next part is not really criticism for the Author but just me explaining how I view character development. - (I don’t even know what I’m saying for this part but just let me cook for a moment.) Actions and reactions are key to developing a reader's understanding of a character. Characters will agree with one action and disagree with another. Everyone has a different personality that influences these reactions. The Author must embody those personalities while writing that character. It's not much different from having a personality disorder. "If you want to have engaging dialogue, incorporate unique personalities and relationships they have into their tone and use of words." It's just like that for having engaging characters. Every thought and feeling they have should be following their actions, working together to paint a beautiful array of emotional relation. It gets pretty complicated here though. Every character also has a mask (unless otherwise written). Insecurities aren't the only thing that paint this mask, however. The relationships of the people around them, who they relate too, their beliefs, conformity. There's a whole lot that could paint a character. That said, you have to wait for the right time to reveal what's under the mask. Slowly hint at it, foreshadowing a character's hidden feelings. When it is revealed, it would be an alluring display, threatening to touch the emotions of the reader. - And heres some feedback. - Sulli should have received this kind of attention is what I believe. In Chapter 2.2, most of the stuff I mentioned is masterfully incorporated but wrongfully placed. If it was earlier in the story I believe the readers would relate more to Sulli. Chapter 2.1 kind of ruined the moment for me. It was like breaking a dam but barely any water was inside. Chapter 2.2 just poured more water into the already broken dam. I also don't really understand how Mina's misunderstanding sprouted. It feel’s like the events of 2.1 would prosper better if they happened after 2.2. Then the analogy would be reversed and it would make sense. Pour water into the dam and then break it. Creating a flood of emotional power. Art is subjective so I won't tell you what 'should' be done, instead, I am giving feedback that you can either receive and ignore or take to heart for future development. Either way, I want to see you and this story grow as a faithful reader. I'm terrible at explaining things so I'm not the best at constructive criticism but I hope this helps to some degree. I might update my review if anything major happens but, for now, I will just sit back and enjoy this new favorite novel of mine.

The story is currently on chapter 27, but for what I can say, It is definitley Gold-tier at the very least. The Author is good at what they do. They do not dissapoint with the quality of their writing nor their characters. The updating stability is quite high for the length and quality of the chapters. Even if it is only 4 chapters a week, each chapter will give you atleast a good half-hour or more of pure enjoyment, even if the chapter is chalked full with exposition. The Author is certainly talented and creative for what I have seen in their work so far. Even when the pacing of the story seems slow at times, it is very enjoyable to read through. So, if you do not mind a bit of a dark story with some fluffy yuri elements mixed in, this is definitley worth your time. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Overall, excellent writing quality, great updating stability, awesome story development, amazing character design, and astounding world development. I may be a little biased though since I love a good yuri story. 😋

After reading through all the current chapters in the better half of 2 days, I gotta say, for a self-proclaimed inexperienced writer, you certainly are a talented one. Being able to write that much in such a short amount of time isn’t something I could even dream of being able to do. Thats not even getting to the quality of your writing, your knowledge and use of words in this novel is certainly of the best I have seen on Webnovel. On top of that, the creativity and complexity with the characters and the plot along with the magic system has me intrigued on what is to come in later stages of this novel! This is 100% one of the best works on Webnovel that I have seen, which is around 200 novels! You can certainly expect a 5-star review from me and a few powerstones along the way.

No more needs to be said.

Every person who read this:

I re did all of the maumar chapters, yes hes still battle crazy because it is said before he goes into maumar, but no it isnt 10 years anymore I bumped it up to 14 years, and also no one of the main reason for me re doing vol 2 was because of the complicated time stuff.

By rewriting i mean literally deleting the current story in volume 2 and re doing it.