Winterwisps

You're very welcome :). All the technical stuff I've pointed out is more or less about practice, so just keep working on it. Also, keep in mind to not just accept my commentary, but look it up the issue yourself if you have any doubts. A good way to learn is simply to do stuff, but the best way is to do it and then reflect afterward, at least that's my experience. Good luck out there!

Haha I'm glad all my nagging was helpful! I'll keep an eye out on your too, though I'll try to tone down my knee-jerk reactions a bit. If I get to a point where I can set time aside for some proper editing work, I'll let you know ^^.

I completely agree. The way it is now, Halifax actually comes out as a little bit of an incompetent buffoon, which is unfortunate when he's supposed to be all smart-like. I thought of ways to improve this, but couldn't think of one that didn't involve spending a lot more time in this first world, and I didn't want to drag it on for too long. So, it's kind of a compromise.

Short review: an action-packed start, with an MC who's very convinced he's being tormented in a subtle way, and some good characterizations. Long review: The writing is good, with only a few kinks, overall making it a natural read. The story starts out strong, with action and characterizations, but then it drags a little bit while the whole setting is being explained. Perhaps I'm being harsh, but if action is being thrown at me from the start, I kinda expect there to be more stabby stabby than talky talky in the story. The characters are all well-rounded, with a good schism between the MC's expectations, based on his old world, and what is actually happening in this new world. It's very well done. Which brings me to the world, which seems deep and well-thought out. I have some questions which I would like to get answered in the future, but for now I give it all the marks I can.

Nicely done. Him rejecting these 'dopplegangers' at first feels in line with the characterization that was established in the previous chapter.

Although heavy with exposition, I'm glad the flashback was kept to a single chapter. It got the important points across, and set up the tension that was hinted at in the first chapter. Well done.

Will-->would 2x[Can--> could]

he can-->possible

can-->could

Throwing the reader straight into the action is a good tactic, and all the strangeness makes one want to read on and reveal the mysteries.