Derfelionne

Your writing quality is good, there are only few mistakes there and there. Also, please refrain from using past tense and alike too much, since it's a bit "action killing" for me. Although, I know you are telling the MC's past before he died. Mmm...your novel it's kinda long, more than 2k words I presume? I like it but please divide your long paragraphs into two or three, so it won't confuse the readers or make them bored. Stability of updates...good! I like this novel updated every day, so it's not leave a "hang cliff" on my neck. Your story development is also good, it's nice and not "forced" like a flow of quick river. Your description on each of the characters is also extremely good. I can know their personality and "alignment", for example like Tim who acts like kid, etc... World Background I love how you describe Northlandia, as well as few places in your world. I can grasp what those places look like really well. Overall this novel is good for reading! Especially you, who loves DND and game-like fantasy story and not boring like "isekai harem" genre who walks in front of us everyday, although this story is really complex in several points. Dear author, keep up your good work!

"She **had** less manner than her sister does" Not, **has**...I think.

Extra space below again!

"you know" here can be deleted, I think...

Extra space below, would you like to edit it dear author?

"On the hall" or "in the hall"? The tent is **in** the cave, isn't it?

"Toval sighs as he rubs his head"...?

I think it's better to divide this paragraph into two?

I think, "so" isn't required?

Damn, jojo reference. Nice!