Bjols
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2033
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did you forget that being killed by sasuke is one of itachi's main goals? although altering canon is fair play in fanfiction so i can't complain to much, but well by altering that small part you leave everything about itachi as an uncertanty for the readers, doing so there should at least be one revealed secret that is not cannon in the future or it would just feel contrived.
honestly my reason is that as she can allready heal, giving it to her is near useless, keeping it for himself however might let him save his sister if anything happens to her. or anyone else he considers important for that matter. if you have a chance at easily healing people the only reason to give that up would be if you do not care about anyone. rather than giving his sister twilight healing he should give her something that strengthens her. furthermore given his sister is frail him healing her might have been beneficial to her.
first off i'm likely to prefer the pokemon story. as for the other i'll try to keep reading it, but i'll admit the first chapter didn't quite hook me, can't quite point out why, but i guess the mc's detatchment to that world might come through to the point it made me detached from the story.. but yeah it is only the first chapter and i've grown used to not being hocked to stories right away so i'm still looking forward to what you will do with it, but yeah the pokemon story got me hooked thanks to the early apearance of pikachu as it provided an attachment to the world. when i read stories i tend to feel what the mc feels so if there is to much suffering without a break i tend to give those stories a miss. still want a full spectrum of emotions though, not nececarily from just one story mind you, i'm fine with fluff stories for instance. well getting to the point that it boils down to, the first chapter of the other story is well written but it has yet to make me feel much more than detachment and some other negative emotions, certanly realistic, but it is not realism that makes me attached to stories. so i guess if you had more chapters and those made me feel something it might be a good first chapter as it is just an introduction, but as a standalone it feels lacking. that being said it is still better than most first chapters i read. the reason i'm pointing the negative stuff out is that you seam like a talented author, so i hope it can help in your development. the pokemon story got my powerstones for the day so i certanly like what you have written so far.
has the author forgotten about the speed power he gave to the mc? sure kuro is fast, so it might not have been as big of an advantage here than elsewhere, but well, even if we wastly lower my expectations and say he is not suposed to be faster than kuro. the speed of kuro should not really be an advantage against the mc anymore...
still, him not even having basic spending money is entierly a self made decicion that he could easily fix, there is literaly no genuine reason for him to steal. besides the irs is not gonna go after him if he decides to spend a couple hundred bucks... just admit that you want the mc to be a bastard that only cares about certain people. that being said petty crime and high iq rarely goes together so i do feel like there would be better ways of portraying a lack of morality...
If you know for a fact that the person in question is unable to betray you i dont see why not. especialy as not keeping that secret just to yourself is not going to be mentaly healthy in the long run. altough yes if you cannot guarantee the loyalty of the other person you should not tell anyone
hestia did not hide the skill because it was dangerous, she hid it because bell knowing about it might limit the skills effects.
although that would be the case in a better world. i'm gonna have to ask how many people have you found that makes a habbit of finishing their storries and if you can recall, which people. I've actually read through several stories i disliked purely because i liked the fact that the author actually finishes his/her stories and at least one of their other stories were good. suffice to say i'd love to hear about authors like that, as i can't really find them...
i'm curently in that state where i'm deciding wether to bail or not, usualy would have allready as parent/kid incest is way to far for me to be okay with. but the last four+ stories i tried to read has turned out to be a waste of time, and i was enjoying this story, but yeah nah i'm bailing for now... please tell me if there is only a few scenes with this particular taboo throughout the story as if that is the case i'll be back.
... the mc does not have a lack of money, so getting his hands on dragon parts is not gonna be difficult for him. going out of his way to kill this specific one that has at least partialy imprinted on him, and several of his allies is attached to does not only make no emotional sense it makes no strategic sense. this decicion only makes sense if he wants to personaly murder a dragon. basicaly he seams to be becoming a sociopath all of a sudden...
uhmm... so what happened to merlins constant warnings of never using a deathly hallow. using that wand would have instinctively been a bad idea for him at this point so this just seams ridiculus. as for the fact that him disarming nick of the wand should have transfered the aligience i'll be willing to belive there is some special cicumstance for that.
well, i fully agree, but in case you dont know, the "official" reason is that the ball they use is a foot long.
he still has a max output limited by his mind stat.
missunderstanding science there, science is the pursuit of truth and the quest to understanding that truth, if gods or magic is real science certanly has a place for it, although we would likely have to figure out new methods of understanding it. arithmancy for instance would be a science class for magic, although obviously not enough on it's own it is a pretty decent start towards understanding magic. but yeah stark is the one missunderstanding both science and magic first... a rather anoying part of intelligent inventors on tv, when in reality the way they normally push forward is not by saying impossible when they discover something new but by saying, how? why? what can i do with this? and going from there.
yep... i'm off to look for something else to read... The story hasn't exactly hocked me yet, so this was enough of a danger sign for me to continue looking. although feel free to tell me if that is a mistake and the quality goes up later on.