LuRai

Writing Quality: So loved the plotline, grammar, misuse of past and present tense, and wording errors, as well as sentence structure needs some work. I love the story development I just feel it's moving very fast in the beginning, and a few details are missing that could help clear a lot of confusion. I do however think this would make an amazing webcomic as is! Great job keep up the good work.

Writing quality: Overall your verbiage isn't bad at all. You have an excellent understanding of language and how to structure sentences. That being said you add a little too many details, some things can be omitted and restructured so the sentences aren't repetitive and lengthy. In the first chapters, the song lyrics try to use '' around the lyrics to separate them from the non-dialogue parts. You can also split the lengthy paragraphs, and shorten some detailing as well :) Story development and Characters: I love the character's personalities and names, almost like a webtoon. Loving the plotline and looking forward to many many updates Overall great work!!!

This wasn't exactly needed to be mentioned, unless items being free realtes directly to the story.

In the last sentence did you mean started to dawn on me, also in the beginning you switched from third to first-person style, which was a little confusing. BUT! Interesting jump into reincarnation

Writing Quality: There's a lot of switching between past and present tense, and the sentence structure needs a bit of work as well. There is also a lot of information that can be omitted, a lot of the information you give doesn't need to be in the chapters during the story, but instead can be left as a note. The third person is a little tricky, once you decide if you're using past or present tense it does get easier! Great job with what you've done though Story development: I was a little lost after chapter 35, there is a lot of information coming at readers that doesn't quite make sense. I'm hoping further down the line it will begin to click, but the story is developing with grace other than that. Character design: For the FL I was a bit confused at first, she was first described as a goddess, then a cultivator, then a thief, and then a fallen god. I'm also unsure of how she lived for 2000 years but her reactions to things are a bit immature unless gods age differently. The love story mentioned was also very cute but seems a bit extreme for a first date unless they had known each other prior. Over I love the character names and visual descriptions you're doing great :)

Writing Quality: I am not a big fan of the first-person view just because it has many flaws. But you did a great job. That being said try to keep it to first person, I noticed it switch mid-way a couple of times which can become confusing. The flashbacks though rather than pov you can in the third person (just a suggestion for ease of writing) Also there's an overabundance of details for your first-person view, details are great but keep in mind the reality of someone talking or telling a story, it might not be as in-depth as you're doing. Story development: loving that everything isn't going super fast, definitely allows for character growth and development, loving the gore! Character design: love love love the characters, so adorable. I love the cold personality obscured by childhood trauma and the innocent unknowing process. one of my favorite troupes. Overall great job looking forward to the next chapters :D

Here you switched from third pov to first person again. a little confusing but makes sense, rather than referring to him as the mercenary earlier and describing the traps. Since she's telling a story it usually should be more brief. Otherwise, you can switch to a flashback and use ominous third person.

I love this line [img=recommend]