Poison_Tester

Thanks

TLDR: Decent Junk Food I read up to the latest chapter available (56). Writing Quality is pretty good. - 3/5 The way you format sentences until chap 25 is a bit off but still okay. And sometimes when you use the bold you use it too much. I would say only use it for inner thoughts that will help. Otherwise Okay. Updates I think for now are good. - 5/5 I just found this story and it already has 56 chapters so that's a good sign. Story Development - 2/5 It's an old concept with a twist. I like the premise of someone from our world being transported into GOT and has a system that promotes the path of a sell sword and Lust. You did the beginning well and had me hooked instantly. But I wont lie I was upset when you did a massive time skip, and then added zero deep context or information about the 9 years. Like you informed us a nine year time skip in one chapter using a checklist style. But I understand FTP lol. It threw me off so badly lol that will turn off a lot of new readers that are reading your story. I'm hoping everything you skipped over in the time skip comes out later into the story. Like where is the people that owe him? any flashbacks? any powers outside of Westeros that he owns? And if so why did he decide to do this by himself solo? You said he owned cities? Also like Magic ? and there's like a lot of real lore about the GOT verse that you could've added to instead make the transition easier and to add more fluff to the time skip. Like you started off slow it took 8 chapters for him to get some action and then boom straight to the skip. And there's a lot of plot holes because of it. Like one example if he was that famous as a sell sword at least someone would've heard of him which makes the fact that no one in Westeros recognizing him highly improbable in the later scenes and stuff like that. You also haven't really introduced the system like in depth. Only recently have you introduced more of the system by the the quest. And you haven't really kept an accurate track of his growth. Like what doesn't also make sense is like his goal. Like to be with women and to eat the best food but he doesn't want to rule. He could've lived like this already? (that's the problem with Gary Stu characters in a lot of GOT fanfics imo but I still eat it up lol.) Writing is a lot harder then people give it credit for so this is really good stuff for a first time novel keep nurturing it. You got talent at writing and at R scenes (way harder to write then you think) and people pay for that stuff so work on it and you can get commissioned for that. I'm hoping you explore more of the world (Other Kingdoms) as well. There's more but I will stop lol. Still I like where this is going. Wasted potential in some ways but I like the book. Character - 4/5 I like his mentality, his actions, thoughts, and the way the author portrays him to us. He needs more humanization for the readers to get attached to him and more emotions during these monologues. (But I love the way he is now and this is my perfect sweet spot as I like cold logical characters.) its just I try to speak more so for general taste of readers. World - GOT. 5/5 (thanks for reading all of this if you did.)

This is fire keep writing. Good chap.

(TLDR) If you like stories that are angsty with emotional turmoil and anguish; You'll like this. I have only so far read up to the 34th chapter; (That's when premium starts) but with I have read so far I'm rather pleased with. Writing Quality: 4/5 Some grammatical errors and parts of the story where immersion might break due to errors. But overall very good. Stability of Updates: 5/5 Contracted (Meaning stable updates) Story Development: 3/5 As I have only read up to the 34th chapter I don't know much; but with what I've seen with so far I'm pleased with. The beginning of the story was a bit unique and should've been developed a bit more (my opinion) before the plot had actually started. It was still very well set up so kudos to you author. (I'm also a fan of the genre of novels that this novel takes inspiration from so I love what they're doing here.) Character Design: 2/5 (This also might be dependent on your own personal opinion.) As much as I love the Tragedy and Angst; when the protagonist and the cast are having interactions with each other with the Unique Twist that the story has, it makes the theme of hidden burdens and regrets seem forced. Also the other thing that brings it down massively to me is the Flawed nature of the Characters (Logically Flawed) Otherwise the author did a great job at making the MC and cast people with character flaws. Overall I have a love/hate for the MC. Still very enjoyable to read about nonetheless. World Background: 4/5 Pretty good world building. Slowly but surely as you progress through the story you get to understand the world better. Thank you if you read this :) Overall very much so a "hidden gem" to some. Depending on your taste you'll either like it or not. It definitely has parts that might affect you emotionally. There are also many other stories that have a similar setting to this one if you like this story. SPOILER The logical flaw that I disliked is the fact that when everyone returned the the past, how they just somehow don't realize that the other characters might have regressed too. It seems like a major plot hole as these character's actions sometimes directly give away that they've regressed. But I also think its a good way to enhance the emotional turmoil within the story but it also makes it a bit forced. (But as a fan of angst I personally love them not knowing.)

Thanks for the chap

thanks for the chapter it was good

Clutch for giving us the og title saved me a bit of time thank you!

Thanks for your hard work! Good chapter.

Zero has made it obvious that he's mentally strong to the point where it's insane and bam has to be molded gently instead because Bam's mental state right now is fragile I think.

Thanks for your hard work. Good chapter!