Worm: The Lizard Daddy that Replaced Armsmaster

Bug girl flinched away from me, and who can blame her. After I got over the mother of all headaches, I met a new friend in the form of a multidimensional alien quantum computer hooked up to my new meat suit's think meat. Bro was kind of a square, but I could already feel his dedication to his programming slipping as he and I exchanged information at the speed of hyper intelligence and he couldn't help but apply his mastery of efficiency, miniaturization, and hybrid technology to the many tech trees I'd worked with over my crazy life as a krogan adventurer abroad in the omniverse. 

The rapid generation of blueprints and builds had me laughing out loud, not at all maniacally. Any finger wiggling was entirely benevolent and chill. Even with the raw peace and goodwill vibes I put out, bug girl backed away from me like I might suddenly pounce on her. If she only knew the aggravation of clashing laws of physics preventing me from achieving my peak outside of anything goes universes - those being quite scary places - and then suddenly inhabiting headspace with a new friend capable of the kind of SCIENCE to make all those red lights turn green. Glory glory halleluia! 

My new friend who I have dubbed Shardmaster operated at a pace and level I've never encountered before. To a baseline human, the SCIENCE might as well be magic, but I can see the math in the madness. Glowing sparks of greatness beckoning me in the vast darkness of ignorance, and willing or not my new companion will teach me the secrets of his power, one project at a time. I can wait, I learned patience and its rewards during my second stay in Mass Effect. 

With that sudden surge of splendorous joy out of my system, I considered briefly the conversation my transmigration interrupted, and continued where we left off. 

"Something something, big leagues." I verbally landed on my feet like a cat.

"What?" the bug controlling girl in a suit made mostly of bug byproducts sounded exhausted and confused. 

"Where you go from here." I reminded her gently, reassuring her that I am still her friendly neighborhood Armsmaster and not a fragment of an alien god-emperor puppeting his hero bod, "You showed up and beat down the biggest bully on the playground, and what a bully that giant space lizard man-" I said that about another man with great envy, "-is. As far as I can tell that was a top tier debut. You've got a bright future. You're gonna go far, kid." 

"The Offspring?" she questioned and I gave her a blue and silver power armor thumbs up.

"You're more than just a chick wearing the big ass kicking boots." I complimented the thin but mighty warrior, "Such culture!" 

Even with the full face mask and dark suit I could tell my compliments had the girl flustered until all of a sudden she wasn't. Maybe she isn't a teenager after all, cause that's some impressive emotional control. 

"Thanks." she responded coldly.

"Keep your head on a swivel, and try not to die." I offered before I needed to move on to arresting the dragon themed gang banger in a welded steel cage on the street below us, "Independent heroes are a vulnerable cape demographic. It's a tough road you've chosen, but if you have to die, try not to shit yourself until after you've shed your mortal coil."

I turned to leave, she reached a verbal hand to stop me. 

"Ummm… how bad are the statistics?" she questioned meekly.

"Rough." I answered automatically, "You're trading the politics of cape groups for freedom, and freedom isn't free. It comes at the cost of substantial security. Without a team backing you, there's no one to pull you out of the fire if you make a bad move, and if things go wrong in a cape fight you'll find yourself with little more protecting you than the Unwritten Rules and the mercy of people who already spend all their time doing anything they think they can get away with." 

"Ah…" the girl tilted her head as if she found the rooftop super interesting all of a sudden, "Thanks… I guess." 

My social Spidey Sense was tingling then with an armored attempt to snap I understood. 

"I see what's happening here." I sang a little then got serious, "You're one of those people who would rather die than have to spend time with teenagers." 

The way she silently stiffened was adorable.

"You may not know this, but High School happened to me too." I shuddered at the memories, "There I was adventuring around in my teen bod, then Patrick Stewart found out I'd never been to High School and did this whole monologue about it, and my girl and our girlfriends were like 'Have fun at High School, dork!' but then I threw down my UNO Reverse card and revealed they'd never been to High School either. Then we all went to High School and it sucked. I wish I went to Blue Mountain State." 

"I… what the hell?" Bug girl backed away, overwhelmed by my incredible empathy and relatability. 

"Anyhow, call me at the PHQ if you need any help. This city owes you for taking down a goon like Lung." I informed her then used my grappling hook to descend the building down to the street, something I would not have gotten to enjoy if I was still a fifteen hundred pound giant space lizard man. 

Silver linings.

"Yikes, he's not looking too good." I muttered as I noticed the caged criminal swollen and leaking puss from his wounds. 

I took a mini meat thermometer from my utility belt and jabbed it into that jive turkey, getting a quick read out of the absolutely fucked internal situation going on beneath all the bug bitten skin. 

"You're incredibly lucky that I'm a doctor and that Armsmaster is a dedicated hero." I muttered as I pulled some substances out of Armsmaster's hard storage and mixed them up before jabbing the leader of the Azian Bad Boyz in the neck to neutralize the many venoms and toxins currently killing the man without disturbing the sedatives Colin shot him with prior to my arrival.

Crisis averted, I hooked up the cage to my bike and started hauling Lung through the city streets back to Colin's favorite location in the city, an old oil rig renovated into a sci-fi fortress. Personally, I liked Brockton Bay a hell of a lot more than I'd liked any of the cities during my first stay on Earth. The city was old and big enough to have a rich history of architectural styles before the glass and steel high rises started ruining cityscapes everywhere. Not that Brockton Bay was completely spared those horrendous eye blights as a few sources of optical cancer rose up from the ground, but mostly buildings of grit and character created its skyline. 

When I arrived at the Protectorate's docking bay I signaled for them to extend the forcefield bridge that connects the headquarters to the city. Over the water, HQ looked like someone turned the Northern Lights into a snowglobe and stuffed a Disney castle inside, and I mean that in the best of ways. The entire thing looks powerful and triumphant in an uplifting way. When the rainbow bridge lit up and extended across the water to the receiver in front of me I revved up my sci fi bike and dragged Lung down to his new abode in a high powered containment cell, and I settled in to a session of pretending to be the most stiff and socially obnoxious guy in the world for the report and debrief. 

I just needed to get through this humdrum and get to my bonus pay for Lung's arrest. Armsmaster used his monthly Tinker budget at one hundred percent efficiency, but the United States Federal Government was quick to issue guys like me a boost for infield performance. Not pure spending money, but funds I can use for requisitions to further my craft. Funds I'll use to further my fun.

Escaping the tubby grasp of the Director, Emily Piggot, I made my way to Armsmaster's lab and breathed a deep sigh of relief.

"It's time to do some motherfucking SCIENCE!" 

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