Uncommunicated Tenderness

I exist in a state of ghostliness within the confines of my own life. I am overlooked and unheard, like a fleeting whisper in the wind or a mere shadow upon the wall. My family fails to grasp my essence, and my friends struggle to comprehend my true nature. I feel like an outsider in my world.

I attempt to conceal my inner anguish behind a mask, yet feigning normalcy becomes increasingly challenging as each day feels like an arduous battle. School resembles a warzone, and home offers no reprieve. I am simply striving to endure, but it seems as though the universe is conspiring against me.

I yearn for someone to perceive the authentic me behind the facade and to empathize with my inner turmoil. However, I am enveloped by an invisible cloak, rendering me a mere ghost in my existence.

Desperately, I endeavor to vocalize my thoughts and allow my voice to resonate, yet the words become ensnared in my throat, resembling a stifled scream. I am confined within my silence and invisibility.

It is as though I am ensnared in a dream, a nightmarish realm from which I cannot awaken. Everything appears illusory, akin to a film that I passively observe from the periphery. I am not an active participant; I am merely a spectator.

I seek refuge within my contemplations and imagination, crafting a realm where I am acknowledged and heard. A world where I am not alone.

Regrettably, the reverie always dissipates, plunging me back into the stark realm of reality, back into the desolation and quietude.

I sense as though I am drowning, suffocating beneath the burden of my anguish. I desperately seek a lifeline, a semblance of hope, but it remains elusive.

Gradually, I am beginning to relinquish hope, to forfeit my own identity. I am gradually vanishing, fading into obscurity.

...

As the new day approaches, it looms over me like a brooding, ominous cloud, threatening to unleash a deluge of problems. Right now, all I crave is an escape. It's 9 pm, and sleep is the only thought on my mind.

The burden of my worries weighs heavily on me, causing my body to ache and my mind to go numb. I have no appetite, no energy, and no motivation to do anything other than retreat and seek solace.

The upcoming school day feels like an impending battle, a ceaseless cycle of classes and stress. But for tonight, I simply long to surrender.

So I slip under the covers, draw them tightly around me, and shut my eyes. Perhaps tomorrow will bring a sense of renewal and resilience. For now, I seek nothing more than rest.