Introspection

How often do you dream?

Most would say often but not everyday. Some would say they dream everyday and each time they are asleep. Others might say they rarely get any dreams. But there truly exceptional ones in the world and those deemed the most unfortunate ones are the ones inherently unable to dream; perhaps through some strange twist of fate or through a constant state of alertness of their surroundings that has crushed all states of dreams under their weight.

Winston in particular had to learn the hard way. He had to learn to dream all over again in his adulthood. A luxury offer without a word or struggle, a basic human necessity was something he had lost the ability to do when living under his father; a failure of a man who had not even taught his own son anything despite being a teacher and whose mouth uttered never a word about his dead mother that had been forced into passing through his very birth.

And so, it was suffice to say he was always pleased when he had a natural dream, not a lucid dream that he had trained himself to do. This one in particular reminded him of his time back on Earth. He had attempted to find a woman to marry when the old man that took him in was on his death bed. The man wished to see him marry and find his way into a happy life. Alas, that was too late.

He never managed to find love. Only empty promises in the words of vain women. He had experienced it soon enough in life too. His very own brother had been swayed by such a damsel. It was not until 5 weeks later that he had managed to sneakily hear a passing remark from his father, something about his brother being found dead in a ditch.

Such dreams have been frequent lately. I barely even remember this part of my life. Winston watched in silence as he sat down onto the restaurant table, a fair lady in front of him. The face of the woman couldn't be seen, but it was quite clear she was quite the looker.

The small meetup ended after a while and Winston escorted the lady to her home. She invited him inside, but he declined. Winston calmly sat in the back seat of his car, watching the woman leave and the him from his memories to start driving.

He knew what this was. This was his intuition trying to make him remember the different memories he had spent and experienced. It was a way for him to familiarize himself with his humanity, something that would soon be put in danger through the divinity held in the potions.

Although the potions did not contain any underlying consciousness of the Celestial Worthy of Heaven and Earth, it did not mean that it lacked divinity. The divinity could still corrupt him, make him unfeeling.

And with that thought, Winston's eyes could not help but widen. It seemed... the divinity had already taken a hold of him from sequence 7. It was not like him to endanger the lives of thousands of people to further himself. He fought to the death for simple beer before, but it was not to the extent that he would engage himself as such. Fighting to the death in a bar was more personal, however, this... this was not. It was akin to pressing a simple button and firing a nuke onto a city, not at all caring about the lives of everyone it would impact, but only of the immediate enemy it would force to surrender.

The divinity of three combined potions is far more controlling than I had anticipated. I had theorized the divinity to act up only beyond sequence 4 but it seemed there was a miscalculation on my part. Winston mused.

Just then, he heard a low chuckle.

He could not help but stare at the Winston who was driving the car.

"So, you realized it now, huh?" He said, peering back through the rear view mirror.

"I did." Winston nodded. It was also him talking to his own self, his subconscious. His intuition had been sharp enough to do so. In a way, it reminded him of talking to his avatars, but this was something of a deeper level of introspection. Thoughts that did not yet arise in his mind when in a normal conversation.

"What now?"

"Huh?"

"I said what now?" The past Winston asked, stopping the car by the side of the road and looking over the seat to stare him in the eye. He offered a slight smile on his face.

"I see you've gotten rid of the small scar." As the past version said this, he pulled up his hair, revealing a short cut that barely peeked over the hair line, almost unnoticeable but the only evidence of Winston's previous violent years, "You've enjoyed the faceless ability quite a lot huh. Everything about you is now perfect." He chuckled.

Winston stared at him wide eyed. He held up his hand and gently caressed the top left part of his hairline. He had indeed gotten rid of the scar, not to mention any blemish, however small that was on his body. He had done so instinctively.

"I..." For the first time in a long while, Winston was at a loss for words.

The past him sighed and fully turned in his seat. He slung his arm over the headrest and tilted his head at him.

"What? Cat got your tongue?" He asked with a cheeky smile.

Winston stayed quiet. Seeing this, the past him shook his head. "You've really been corrupted by divinity. The past you would've definitely smiled and engaged in a competition of insults at that."

Winston's eyes could not help but tremble a bit.

"You can let go here you know?" The past him said. "There's no one here to judge you. No one to take advantage of you. No one except yourself. Now if you want to hide from your own feelings, be my guest and wake right up. But I know you don't want that now. You might be considering it really deeply though right?"

The past him raised an eyebrow and grinned toothily, "That's what you're the best at right? Running away?" He continued. "You did run away from home. You ran from Charles, your only friend and you ran from that one girl you had a crush on. You ran away from marriage when the old man wanted to find a bride for you. And you didn't bat an eye when you were transported to the tower because you wanted to run from the world."

He shook his head with a sigh. "When will you realize, running away is not the answer. You can still run away. But where will it lead you? Only to loneliness and more regrets."

And so, for the first time since a time Winston had long long forgotten and put into the deepest parts of his memory, a single tear fell from his eye.

"I..." He spoke. "I regret running away when I shouldn't have. I regret not doing things the way I wanted. I always knew that." His eyes held a strange emotion. "I didn't even realize when that fleeting regret and loneliness would mingle with divinity and rid me of feelings so clearly."

"But you do now, don't you?" The past him smiled and rang out with a slight chuckle. "I'm just a figment of your imagination, man. Your intuition realized something was wrong and have warned you. What will you do? I ask again, what now?"

Winston was quiet for a moment. Then, he looked at his past projection.

"Any bright ideas?" He inquired.

The past him smiled and scratched his head. "Luckily for you, you're asking the smartest person you know." He laughed. Then, he extended his hand and flicked Winston's forehead with his finger.

"Live a little. Love a bit. Learn to trust others beside yourself you know? What's life without a bit of adventure?" There was a slight pause. "Maybe this time, find an actual companion for yourself and give the old man's wish a fulfillment?"

"What for? I'll be a pile of worms eventually."

The past him held up his hands and shrugged, "Hey man, that's all you. I can only suggest. It's entirely your fault if you won't have a dick by that point. Maybe find someone that would enjoy higher dimensional worms going inside her?"

Winston laughed, genuinely.

"Thanks man."

"Don't you find it weird thanking yourself?"

"Meh. I live with 3 of me. I guess I've grown accustomed to it."

The past him smiled.

"Hit me up anytime you need advice okay?"

"I will." Winston said, then, he looked outside the window. There was a faint grey fog outside. Taking one good look at his projection, he opened the window and walked out.

~~~

Winston woke up early that day. He was still on his temporary residence on the 29th floor. It was like any other day. Only this day, he felt comfortable and light.

Resisting divinity huh... I suppose I should finally have some of my avatars worship me. That ought to take care of the growing divinity for now. Though, with the rapidly gaining popularity, I can turn the attention into some form of worship through the use of 'Deception.' I should try that sometimes.

Winston got out of bed and stretched his body.

He smiled. It was not like his usual smile that signified the clown, but a simple smile of a man.

As he walked to the bathroom, he could not help but switch to his 3rd person pov and glance at the upper left corner of his hairline. There, a slight scar that extended above into his hair was visible.

Winston could not help but think again in his mind. His body felt lighter today.

While Winston was doing that, his avatars had already done it. They had set up the ascension ritual. Four monocles that acted like beacons had been spread across different points in the 'spirit world' that was shinsu.

As for the potion digestion? It had reached 99%, just short of reaching a full 100%.

It would seem Winston would be ascending soon. This time, with greater care and caution.

~~~

A/N: Alright, tell me your thoughts on the chapter. This was a more important chapter as it refers to some of the key points that make Winston, Winston.

He had always been running away from things and harbors regrets. He is afraid to place trust in people and cannot express his feelings correctly. That is also the reason he cannot connect with people and has little friends. It is also one of the reasons he sympathizes with people like Bam and Amon who are, in some way or form, in a similar situation.

He never did truly grow up from his younger days. He yearns to somehow have his regrets turned right, but he cannot do that because he is still afraid.

Anyways, enough of that. Throw some stones and leave a review please.

Cheers~~~