dying inside

I puked all the content of my breakfast on Williams's shoe.

This is the worst day of my life. I am going to die of humiliation.

"Are you okay?" Brittany asked hovering over me as she rubbed her hand on my back.

I remain bent over like a shrimp with my eyes fixed on Williams's shoe painted with my vomit.

He moved away. I couldn't dare raise my head to look at him. I know what I will see, disgust. I wanted to cry. This is not how I pictured our reunion.

"Are you okay?" He suddenly said and his deep soothing voice rake over me. I finally raised my head to meet his eyes.

My chest squeezed inside. There was no glint of recognition in his eyes. My William doesn't remember me.

A pang jolt through my chest. My stomach churned once more.

"I need to use the bathroom" I managed to say With my gaze glued to the floor.

It will hurt to look at William again so I closed my eyes as Brittany led me to the washroom down the hall.

I always said I can't stomach the thought of him belonging to another girl.

I was right. I can't stomach the knowledge of him belonging to my sister as I went down on my knees and emptied the rest of the content of my tummy inside the toilet bowl.

Brittany held my hair gently, sweeping it off my face so it doesn't get in the way, dutifully like the sister she is to me.

Oh, I want to hate her with every bone that holds my body together but she is making it harder to. Nonetheless, resentment is plunging its way into my heart.

I went over to the sink when I was done.

The word fiancé began to play on my mind like an annoying broken record as I stared at my face in the mirror,

My heart is cracking inside.

I closed my eyes and wash my mouth. I couldn't bear to see the sight of Brittany's face in the mirror.

"Do you need the doctor, he is just one call away?"

I shake my head. "No I just need to get to my room. It's just a stomach bug, nothing to worry about.".

"Okay," she curled her arms around my shoulders and led the way out.

William was nowhere to be found when we emerge into the living room and honestly, this is a huge relief. I don't think I can face him now. I will break down into tears if I see his handsome face.

I rush upstairs creating a long distance between me and Brittany so she can't catch up with me.

I locked my door to keep her out. I had to get away from her before I do something crazy to her.

I may snap and hurt her. I am burning inside with fury.

The doorknob churned.

"Adeline," Brittany knocked on the door.

"I am fine, I just need some rest," I said calmly but I wanted to tell her to go fuck off. Part of me wants to be civil to her.

"Okay, I will check up on you later. I will bring you tea. I learned it works like magic" I heard the click of her heels. She was gone.

I rushed into my secret room.

I paused staring at sketches and recent photos of William painted all over the dresser.

I let my burning rage out

"How could you do this to me!" I screamed at him.

Painful, angry tears streak down my cheeks. My chest hurts like it has been stabbed with a dagger.

"I thought you were mine, William!" I took a picture frame of him.

I strum my fingers over it "You were supposed to mine forever!" In a plummeting rage, I threw the photo against the wall. It smashed and shattered on the floor.

"Why don't you remember me. How can you forget me William" With my quivering hands I destroyed the altar I built for him, dragging all the picture frames of him to the floor as they break into broken pieces like the fragments of my jagged heart

It hurts so much he doesn't remember me.

A painful voice skid through my mind. Maybe he doesn't remember me because a meant nothing to him that night.

My heart cracked.

"Was I nothing to you William huh!"

My world, dreams of being with William is crashing before my eyes as I slush the sketches of him, tearing them into pieces.

"You kiss me and made me love you, William then to decide to break my heart." I hit my hand against my chest violently. Tears beat against my face. I sunk to the floor. I lay on the Pieces of the glass decorating the floor and they dig into my skin drawing blood.

I didn't care, I need the pain to dull away the wrecking pain inside.

"Was I just a random girl you kiss William!" I whispered painfully against my lips.

. Maybe William doesn't remember me because he was on a whoring phrase. And I was just one of the random average girls he kissed in Spain. A voice said in my head.

The crack in my heart intensified.

"No!" I don't want that to be true. It can't be true.

I was special. He made me felt special that faithful night.

He kissed me like I am the most beautiful girl in the entire world.

He looked at me like I was a precious Jewel he has discovered.

It not an illusion. I felt how his hand molded my skin with every touch as if he was molding a beautiful priceless ceramic pot.

But then he kissed Brittany. Then he forgets me, because I never existed to him.

My chest throbbed torturously as the image of Brittany kissing William penetrated my mind planting itself forever.

I cry out in pain.

The one I love the most in the world is in the arms of my sister.