27. I Want To Know What Love Is

Chapter 27: I Want To Know What Love Is (by Foreigner)

"In my life, there's been heartache and pain. I don't know if I can face it again. Can't stop now, I've traveled so far to change this lonely life…"

. . . . . . . .

Earlier that afternoon

He knew he was going to be late. The painful twisting and turning of his stomach, however, made it difficult to think of anything other than the ever familiar question of whether he was going to vomit. Jonathan was in the next room listening to music, unaware of his current state. He'd already called Dustin's house, letting his mom know he was running behind and leaving it at that. His own mom had called earlier that morning but he hadn't had the opportunity to spend much time thinking about how weird it was that she stayed the whole night at Chief Hopper's house, even if she was helping with El's sleepover. Shortly after his mom had called, the pain and nausea had resurfaced but he had yet to vomit like usual.

It'd been a long time since he'd thrown up any slugs, or flashed into the Upside Down. Things had actually been pretty stable and he'd thought that he was past… whatever this was. As he sat on the edge of the tub, the toilet bowl in front of him as he waited to see what his body would do, the only thing he could think of was how frustrated he was that he was experiencing these feelings again. When would it end? And how long could he keep this from his family? Would he actually be able to get past this without them finding out? His mom was still working all the time and Jonathan was busy with work, school, and his application to NYU. He didn't want to burden them with this but the fact that this nausea had resurfaced brought up the idea of reconsidering.

After spending a half hour in the bathroom, the nausea finally subsided without event and Will stood up in front of the sink, dipping a hand towel under the faucet to wipe the sweat from his brow. Maybe this was a fluke. He didn't actually puke this time, after all. Or maybe it was completely unrelated and he'd actually eaten something that didn't agree with him. He could hold off on alarming anyone for now.

. . . . . . . .

"I can't believe you roped us into going to some random school dance in Clarksville," Lucas said to El after Trish's mom picked the girls up from the Ice Cream Cottage in the early evening.

El merely offered a slight, innocent smile. Dustin's parents had headed home without them since they'd wanted to hang out a bit longer and the shop was a short walking distance from Dustin's house. They were all settled into one booth now with Dustin having pulled up a chair from a nearby table, turning it backwards and sitting with his arms crossed over the back of it.

"Yeah," Dustin agreed. "Really awkward,"

El shot him a knowing smirk and his eyebrows lifted.

"No," He said adamantly. "No, and don't even say it,"

"What?" Mike looked between El and Dustin in confusion. "What's he talking about El?"

"Nothing," Dustin interjected, his eyes wide as he zeroed in on El, communicating under the radar. "That's why she's not saying anything because there is nothing to say, right El?"

"Friends don't lie…" El said to Dustin and he shook his head.

"It's not lying if there is nothing to say," Dustin said firmly.

"What the hell is going on?" Lucas asked. "You guys are being really weird,"

El pursed her lips, looking between Dustin and Lucas as Lucas and Mike looked back and forth at them, waiting for an explanation. Will was quietly watching the conversation.

Dustin groaned in frustration. "El thinks something that is not true and so that is why we're not talking about it, okay? Moving on -"

"Well, what is it?" Mike asked, his curiosity piqued.

Dustin growled again, pulling at his curly locks and slouching over the back of his chair.

"Is it about Gabby?" Will asked, his voice a strange sound after having been quiet for so long.

The way Dustin looked like a deer caught in headlights gave him away.

"Wait, do you like Gabby?!" Mike asked animatedly, blinking as El's grin widened.

"No," Dustin protested, though even against his modestly tan complexion, his blush was noticeable.

"Bull," Mike called him out. "You're lying,"

"Look, it's still my birthday," Dustin said, trying a different angle to redirect the conversation. "And I say we talk about something else. Literally anything. How about a new D&D campaign; got anything in mind, Mike?"

"Man, now both of you are gonna get all girl crazy and weird," Lucas complained, sinking back into the booth.

"Hey, what's that supposed to mean?" Mike retorted defensively.

"I think you know what it means," Lucas replied as though it was blatantly obvious. "As much of a pain in the ass as Trish was, she got one thing right and that was what she said about you two,"

That jogged El's memory. "Love?" She questioned, looking around at each of the boys who simultaneously looked uncomfortable and like they could burst into laughter at any moment. Except Mike who only looked uncomfortable and embarrassed. "What is love?" El asked, his eyes wide and waiting for an answer.

"You wanna take this one, Mike?" Lucas said, gesturing to El and watching with interest.

"I-It's uh," Mike began but the way his friends were staring at him was too much. "I'll um, I-I'll tell you later, okay?"

"How romantic," Dustin chortled, batting his eyelashes.

"Shut up," Mike snapped. "Or do we need to bring up Gabby again?"

"God dammit!"

. . . . . . . .

Another night of blowing Steve off. How long could she keep this up? As Nancy tried to focus on her history homework, her mind would betray her and wander toward thoughts of Jonathan - the way he'd tried to keep her from falling in the snow and the feeling she'd gotten when they'd been chest to chest, dangerously close. It was as if some sort of magnet had been pulling her in closer and the effect was dizzying.

But this was Jonathan Byers. Jonathan Byers. Her brother's best friend's brother. The quiet, kind of weird guy who was always taking pictures at all of their school functions but was never in any of them. The one who never really talked to anyone at school and usually seemed to slip into the background like a shadow.

It was also the guy who'd helped her fight the 'Demogorgon' as her brother and his friends called it. He was one of the very few people who understood the grief she was going through with Barb and that actually cared enough to listen. The one who had stayed with her overnight after she'd first encountered that monster and the threat of nightmares kept her from getting any kind of sleep that night.

But being with Steve made sense. They had similar interests… didn't they? They liked to go to the movies, attend sporting events at school, and just do normal things. At least… she used to like those things. Now everything felt… upside down, for lack of a better term. And besides, she liked Steve before and just because she was going through something right now, that didn't mean anything had to change, did it? She could get through her grief and make sense of whatever strange feelings she was having for Jonathan, right?

But that meant she would have to admit that she had feelings for Jonathan…

. . . . . . . .

Flashback

Sarah was awake when the call came in on a line at the nurses' station so Hopper excused himself to take it.

"Be right back," He said, kissing the top of her hairless head and offering her a comforting smile before stepping out of the room and leaving his wife to entertain her in his absence.

"This is Detective Hopper," Hopper said, picking up the receiver the nurse offered him and leaning against the countertop overlooking the nurses' desks.

"Good afternoon, Detective," A man's voice on the other line said. "My name is Dr. Robison. I'm one of the lead researchers at Hawkins National Laboratory. I'm glad we caught you. Jodie Markham said that you were interested in participating in some of the children's cancer research we have been conducting,"

"The nurse, right?" Hopper clarified. "Yeah, she um, our daughter, I mean… she's not doing so well and the nurse - Jodie - said you guys might be able to help her?"

"Well, there are no guarantees with experimental research, of course," Dr. Robison said. "But if you'd like to bring her in for testing, we can see if she meets our study's qualifications and go from there,"

"Yes," Hopper said immediately. "Yes, we can do that,"

After tying up a few details with Dr. Robison, Hopper returned to Sarah's room with a pep in his step. At last, there was hope. It was slim and he knew it was a long shot but there was someone offering him more than an expiration date for his daughter.

"Diane," Hopper said from the doorway, nodding for her to come outside for a moment.

Diane pursed her lips, squeezing her daughter's hand and standing up. "I'll be right back, sweetie,"

Once they were out in the hall, Hopper spoke in a hushed voice. "We've got an appointment," He said excitedly. "They can see her this Thursday,"

"Wait, you want to take her out of the hospital?" Diane clarified, dumbfounded. "Hopper, she's sick. We can't move her,"

"She's stable, Diane," Hopper said. "The doctors said she has months and it's not like they intend on keeping her here for that whole time. But if we do this, she could have more than months, Diane. She could have years. They could fix her,"

"You don't know that, Jim," Diane said warily. "You know how bad her situation is and we don't even know if the procedure would do anything,"

"But isn't it worth a shot?"

. . . . . . . .

Sunday was a dreary day. The sky was overcast and while the air had warmed slightly since the snowfall a few days prior, rainclouds had brought a storm that left everything feeling colder and more bleak. After having swapped her usual school day for Dustin's birthday, El had spent the majority of Sunday working in her school books with Hopper. He'd made a copy of the multiplication table in one of her textbooks and that had really been helping her start to memorize them. Her favorite part of the afternoon, however, had been getting to chose a book to read from the selection she'd picked out from the library.

Hopper had sat with her on the couch, helping her with any words she struggled with, but mostly letting her try on her own. While she fumbled several times, she was steadily making progress and the fact that she was enjoying reading made it feel less like work. The whole situation felt surreal, however, as Hopper recalled the countless times he'd sat with his own daughter, just like this, reading stories to her and helping her to recognize different letters and pictures in the books they chose. A pang of regret and grief struck his chest but El's quiet, steady voice trudging through the content of her latest selection helped to ground him.

After El had gone back to Clarksville that night, Becky seemed exhausted. Terry wasn't in the living room so El could assume she was in her bedroom by this time of night.

After taking her nightly shower, El came downstairs to the kitchen for a snack, finding Becky at the table with a lowball glass and a bottle of whiskey in front of her.

"Hey Ellie," Becky said in a tired voice but El could tell she was trying to be more enthusiastic than she felt. "How was the party yesterday?" She inquired, turning in her chair to face El who cautiously approached the table and sat down.

"Fun," She said quietly with a small smile, making eye contact for a brief moment before glancing at the alcohol in Becky's glass.

"I'm glad," Becky smiled, her eyes half-lidded with fatigue as she lifted her glass to her lips and took a sip. "Did all your friends get along?"

El considered this for a moment. Even despite Trish and Lucas' bickering, they'd gotten along for the most part. She nodded.

"Good," Becky said, nodding in response. "I'm sorry I'm a little tired tonight," She said, exhaling. "It's been a long weekend,"

El eyebrows stitched together. By now she knew that when Becky sat and drank in the kitchen, she was either brutally exhausted or upset about something. She wondered if something had happened while she was gone. "Are you… okay?" She asked tentatively. Between spending time with so many different people and practicing her reading with Hopper, she was starting to become a little more comfortable with speaking in more than one or two word sentences, though she was still somewhat shy about it.

"I'm fine," Becky smiled at her niece. "Terry - er, your mom, had a little bit of a breakdown today but it's not a big deal," She noted the concerned expression on El's face. "She's fine, don't worry. She just got freaked out or something earlier tonight when it was time for her bath so I had to calm her down and help her. Nothing for you to worry about, okay?"

El reluctantly nodded, shifting her attention back to the whiskey in Becky's hand and pointing to the glass. "Why?"

Becky followed her gaze and swirled the alcohol in her glass. "It helps me relax sometimes," She answered simply. "But hey, enough about me, okay? You're the one that had the fun weekend. You gonna tell me about it?"

El shrugged, smiling as she recalled the fun she had with her friends and the moments she shared with Mike that made her chest feel warm and fuzzy. "We're going to a dance,"

"A dance?" Becky blinked, smiling. "Where at?"

"Clarksville,"

"Ahh, at the girls' school?" Becky surmised. "That sounds fun. All of you are going? The boys, too?"

El nodded, the smile on her face widening and uncontainable.

"Well, I'll be damned," Becky said, setting her glass down on the table. "I guess this means we've got some things to figure out, huh?"

El looked up at her aunt with interest.

"Well, you need a dress and we'll do your hair -"

"I have a dress," El said, recalling one that she'd bought on her shopping trip with Nancy.

"Okay, great," Becky said nonchalantly. "Wow, though… your first dance," She sat back in her chair, looking at El and smiling. "That's gonna be a lot of fun,"

. . . . . . . .

As El snuggled up in her blankets that night, the call of sleep coaxing her away, she reflected on everything that had happened that weekend. Once she'd finally relaxed into the now familiar pillows and mattress, she realized how worn out she actually was. She couldn't have imagined the weekend going any better and she felt an overwhelming sense of comfort and happiness at the fact that her friend group was growing. She still felt a little odd, a little out of place, but her life was beginning to become more predictable and that made her feel safe. Being surrounded by people who really seemed to like and care about her only made it better.

The last thing that crossed her mind as she transitioned from wakefulness into sleep was that word Trish had used. What exactly did 'love' mean? She'd heard it a few times in reference to family and movies and foods but what did Trish mean when she said it about her and Mike? And why had the word made Mike act so strange? It somehow seemed different in that context but she wasn't sure why. If it was like movies and food, that would mean that if you love something, it's your favorite. She'd already decided that Mike was her favorite person and subsequently, her 'crush', so did that mean she loved Mike? There had to be more to it but she didn't have much time to think about it before she finally drifted off into a peaceful slumber.

. . . . . . . .

"I want to know what love is, I want you to show me…"

[A/N: So what do you guys think so far? Some things I'm wondering about: What do you think of El's new girl friends? What do you think of the flashbacks with Hopper and his daughter? What about the Jancy situation? What's happening to Will? And what's going on at the lab? There is so much going on! Leave a review and tell me your thoughts and predictions! :) Thanks for reading!]