thinkin' bout it

"KAY, PLEASE. LISTEN TO ME!" i grab my stuffs and put it on my luggage as he puts it back to the queen size bed. we've been like this for the past thirty minutes. "you really know how to put me through hell, zach. i can't believe you did that!" i yell as my tears runs down.

we both stop as i went to the balcony, and he follows me. i look at the beautiful view of honolulu, hawaii as i look at my boyfriend. well, ex-boyfriend. i don't know. "kay, please. are you really going to believe what the fans said to you than your own boyfriend?" at this point, i don't know what to do or what to say.

i know that he promised, but look how it turned out. i flew to honolulu and this happened! i thought we would spend time together. but instead, we're like this. "z, i don't know if i can still do this anymore." i said as i cry harder. he tries to hug me but i judge it.

i went back the room, seeing gabriela, tate and christina on the door, looking at the mess we both made. "oh, my." gabbie said as i pack before he comes and put it out again. "you're leaving..." tate said as christina comes towards and hug me. jack comes in, he's holding his baby daughter, lavender.

"i'm sorry, but i can't be here, forget what he did and pretend it never happened." i said as i wipe my tears away. i break christina's hug as i close my luggage, i then suddenly feel him hugging behind me. "i love you, kay." he said i break his hug from me as i turn around him.

"i love you too, zach." i said as i look at him one last time. "but i'm sorry." i said as i put the last of my things on my luggage and leave. as i'm walking away from our hotel room, i could still hear his crying, begging for me to come back, "kay, please don't leave! i need you! i love you!" i hear. all of his stupid things that he got me through, and i had enough of it.

but i'll always love you, zach. maybe it's not our time, but soon. i just don't want to be in the same room or place with him after that. when i land in la, which was a couple hours to get back, i ran to my bestfriend's house. nousha's.

i knock the door several times, and she open the door as i give her a hug and cry. "i loved him, nousha." she hug me and rubs my back. "everything will be okay, kay. i promise." that's what she said as i cry harder.

that day, i spend the night to nousha's and went to call gabriela to ask what's happening with zach. she said he wasn't himself, but during limelight and their show, she can tell that he was faking all the smiles.

i didn't let him explain his side, but i saw how he looked at the girl, the way they both laugh and smile. my heart is shattered into pieces. i loved him, but does he actually love me? or was it just nothing?

i type my feelings, my thoughts on a notepad on my phone, as i screenshot it and put it on my instagram story. i didn't care if i get hate, but he cheated. i want the people to know he cheated on me.

christina, corbyn's girlfriend, wants to facetime me, so i answered. "what do you think you're doing? kay, that's stupid thing to do!" she said as i cry. "i know you think he cheated, but-" "but what? he didn't?! kay, i was dragged by a fan, as the fan and i saw it!" i cut her off.

"you don't know the story of it, kay!" she frustratedly said "i atleast wanted to tell everyone what i felt on being cheated on! i want him to know what i felt!" i said as i ended the facetime and accidentally throw the phone to my bed as it bounces to the floor.

i lost my other half because he cheated, and now i have no one. i start to cry as memories of me and zach when we were still together flashes to my mind. "everything i've ever done it was all for you." i said in my mind as i cry harder.

|•| |•|

the next day, i went home as i recieved a ton of missed calls from zach and some of them are text messages. i immediately block his phone number, i've recieved dms from his fans saying how i'm faking that he cheated, and some are saying how sorry they are, that i don't deserve him and more.

i think i should be live in instagram to clear some things up. i call nousha to come over as i get ready, lainey decided to help me with my hair, since i don't wanna do it. i told instagram that i'm going live as soon as nousha arrives.

when nousha arrived, i put my phone on the edge of my bed as i make the pillow thestand for my phone, cause i don't have any. i start the live as she comes near me and plays with my fingers. "it'll be okay." i look at her as she give me a weak smile. i grab my sunglasses, that way, they won't see me cry.

everyone starts to come join the livestream as the comments were just 'oh look i bet you, she's faking it', 'you cheated on youe boyfriend first before you had zach' or 'karma's a bitch'. so i told them about what i posted on my story in instagram, but in the middle of it, i start to feel tears drops on my pants.

i'm crying again. god, when will i stop crying? the comment sections is now blowing up, saying that i was crying and stuff, but i didn't bother, i want them to know my story, my side of the story before i left hawaii and come back to california.

i told them that i want to take a break, like in social media, and one comment caught my eye. it said that i was the reason why zach deactivated on twitter and in instagram. i cry harder as i hear nousha saying goodbye to the livestream and end it.

"oh, kay." she hugs me as i hug her back. "it still hurts. i'm the reason why he deactivated his account in instagram and twitter!" i said as she breaks the hug and made me look at her. "no, it's not you. it's his decision to deactivate, not you." she said

i loved him, i said it a thousand times, i want him and need him, but he hurt me. i miss him, i miss the way we used to be, i bet he's happy without me now. i bet he's partying that i'm gone, that he's finally single.

suddenly the door open, revealing lainey who's holding a tray of oreos and milk. "i was watching your instagram live and thought of you wanting oreo and milk." she said as i nod. she comes towards us and sits down as we grab some oreos and eat it.

"i'm still allowed to see my bestfriend, right?" she asked as i nod. her bestfriend is ryan, zach's younger brother, but as long as he doesn't break her heart too, then we good.

"just don't let him break your heart like his brother did." nousha said as i slap her shoulder. "nousha!" i yelled as she laughs. "come on! it's a joke!" lainey laughs at it too.

i think i have to move on and go forward. it's time to move on now, i guess. i mean, if he does love me, he could've followed me and or stop me from leaving hawaii, but he didn't.

i mean, he's living his dream and best life right now, doing a second world tour with his four bestfriends? he doesn't need anyone anymore but his family and the boys. so, i have to move on.

we don't deserve each other, i guess he deserves better. a girl who can love and understand him better than i did. destiny chose us to meet but not for long. he wasn't my soulmate then.

i went to my table and grab my music notebook and write some lyrics or poems down, to make a song. it's how i express my feelings when it kept for so long.

nousha decided to leave and make me some space as lainey went to the herron's to meet ryan. i stayed behind. i have a song written and i just need the melody of it. either way, i think i did a lot today.

i went live, ate oreos with lainey and nousha and wrote a song... hope he doesn't know it's for him.. i just hope. i have to move on, and what could go wrong if i do move on?