25. Broken Wings.

I woke up alone, disoriented, in an unfamiliar bedroom. The room had changed so much that it felt strange to me, overwhelming to wake up in a new place. But once I fully awakened, everything seemed fine. There were no messages left for me, and it seemed like my canopy had been taken down, as my rocking chair now occupied the room. I didn't mind.

I sat there for a while, taking in my surroundings before heading to the shower. As the warm water washed over me, I carefully cleaned myself up and washed my hair. Feeling a bit rebellious, I decided to keep my hair bright pink, matching my current mood. After grooming myself, I chose my clothes for the day and made my way to the kitchen for breakfast.

The others were eating in a separate kitchen, which suited me just fine. I cherished my solitude and took a moment to connect with the cubs inside me, purring softly at their movements. The instinct to be a mother was awakening within me. It was not too long until it was time to meet them and start this breeding season. 

After the meal, I felt the need to stretch my legs and explore the yard. I was curious about the flowers and berries that adorned the landscape, wondering if this would be an ideal place for the cubs to play or if it could be improved with more playthings and climbing trees.

I had gotten quite a lot of feline equipment over the years, but I knew that once Magic House would put outside pen, there would be a lot of stuff for cubs to play with. I was excellent with my pheromones and when I would give birth, I would release certain pheromones to my cubs, telling them I was there, loving them, and caring for them. It would bond us very closely, and no need to fear that any male would come in. My cubs.

As I strolled around the castle, I noticed a familiar room, that I had just woken up but to my surprise, the castle seemed to have expanded further. It was intriguing, suggesting the presence of hidden spaces that the pack leader might not even be aware of. That particular room would make a suitable nest, but I desired a birthing place that was even more secure and well-hidden.

Over the years, I had learned that my instinct for a hidden den during birthing stemmed from my loneliness. Without an alpha male by my side, it had been difficult when Damon had been close to me during pregnancy, attempting to ensure I gave birth among the pack. He had put in considerable effort to calm me down, unaware of the deeper reasons behind my need for solitude. 

Everything stems from my very first litter, I had to give birth alone, meaning my bond with Damon was never as it should and Mariella had him, they had the bond that I should have had. pheromone play, nothing more but it changed everything. I am more animal than human. During the very first litter alphapair is bonding. meaning females give certain pheromones to males, he takes them, acknowledges her need for him, and gives his to her, telling her that he is there, and he cares for her and their cubs. If that pheromone play is not done, the female is a loner. Alphabond will never be what it could have been, she has done it alone and she needs no male.

My alphabook taught this to me and it has been one of bitterest lessons in my life. I do have my feelings, and my needs, and I know that I will never have that sort of bond, is something that has broken my heart, and my soul over the years. It is one reason why I am hesitant to breed sometimes. Witnessing that bond is sometimes too hard. Charles and Adam know me, they know my mind and how hard it is for me to be always the one who has to fend for herself and be alone and I have my ways of coping, well Charles's way of helping is to keep me safe, give me the feeling of being loved, cared. He has given a name to my neurosis, when things tangle up enough in my mind, he calls it MNDS, Mimi's nightmare distress syndrome. Meaning I don't sleep, I use my rage or my powers to cope, trying to be an ice queen, and not letting anything affect me.

I made my way back inside, the creaking of the door echoing in the empty room. As I entered, I could feel the coolness of the walls against my skin. I started to go through the walls, my fingers grazing the rough surface, until I noticed that the back wall sounded hollow when tapped. So there is empty space there. Maybe a suitable nest. Curiosity sparked, and I went to my tool storage and retrieved a little saw, along with a few other tools. The anticipation of what awaited me on the other side fueled my determination.

With the saw in hand, I carefully cut a small hole in the wall. The sound of metal meeting drywall filled the room. not really caring if this dust is bad for me or not. I peered inside, the dim light casting shadows on the hidden space. It was perfect - about five meters in length and the width of the entire room. A suitable nest for me. My plan began to take shape.

Piece by piece, I sawed off the wall, the sound of scraping and cutting filling the air. The dust tickled my nose, and I sneezed, briefly interrupting my work. The opening grew, allowing me to step into the newfound space. It lacked ventilation, so I opened a small window, letting in a breath of fresh air. The scent of the outdoors mingled with the mustiness of the room, creating a unique aroma. My nest is just perfect. I sometimes think that would I have been more of a lion if Damon had been with me during my first birth. What my life would be. Would I feel real love? Real bond. But my life was as it was and thinking about what-ifs did not help anyone. 

Returning to my equipment storage, I retrieved a movable air conditioning unit. Its hum filled the room, providing a cool breeze that refreshed the space. As I continued to work, gathering things for my den, I could feel the weight of my growing pregnancy. My body demanded nourishment, and I ate multiple times a day, relishing the taste of each meal. My meals were in liquid form as my belly grew there was not much space for food. Purring softly, I cherished the connection with my kittens, their movements bringing me joy and anticipation.

The need for solitude grew stronger as my pregnancy progressed. The demands of the other females in the pack were overwhelming, and they required the support of the entire pack. But I had my five, and they visited me a few times. Colin and Wulfe, their eyes filled with understanding, took a look at my birthing den. Dexter, Murdock, and Magnum had seen it too, and Magnum made sure that there was no dust and the doorway was safe to go through, meaning no hidden sharp edges anywhere. A sense of trust enveloped us, my feline alpha side recognizing their loyalty. It saw them as my pack too, but I kept that fact hidden from the salvatores. No need to get into jealousy drama. 

They would have wanted to be with me all the time but now it was not the time. wulfe was stroking my belly, feeling cubs in there. I could smell Colin's need to care for me, wrap himself around me, and keep me safe, the same went with Magnum, Murdock, and Dexter but Salvatore being a jealous bastard, I did not want him zero on my other pack.

I wondered if the other females had released pheromones or if their bond with the men was simply deeper. It didn't matter. Colin, Dexter, Magnum, Murdock, and Wulfe helped carry things for my den, their presence providing comfort. They were there to help and make sure that I did not strain myself as I was pregnant as I could be. My cubs would be most important, and their well-being too. 

It was evident that the rest of the pack cared little about my well-being. Colin was tempted to confront Damon, but I knew it would only lead to trouble. I persuaded him to leave it alone and not cause any trouble because it would not do any good to anyone. The demands of the other females were relentless, and it was best to avoid unnecessary conflict. They were hormonal as usual, and there was nothing new about that. 

I had less than a week left when my den was ready and for my five, there was a demand for them again, but Colin ordered me to tell him if there was a problem. I would be fine. No one in the pack had paid any attention to me and from what I had seen, Princess Mariella and wolves were pampered and their every little whim was obeyed without hesitation.

I was now quite sure that this was because of the heat and also because number one was once again ostrich and shamed about that whole rape and heat and could not confront me. I did not push myself and it would be just what it was and time would tell us what this did to us.

 Nothing good. We were not an alpha couple; we were not a married couple even and not one person in the pack paid any attention to me. It was just how it was and oh my god when someday this breeding season would be over, I might tell my piece about this. And then it would get them fucking again, being ostrich. But it would be time for me to reclaim my independence and I just planning to do a few missions. Being a leader again, not care about Salvatore's opinion on that. 

Then it came time for me to give birth. I went to my den, feeling so damn lonely but determined to do this, as I had no choice. Maybe someday I would have a perfect birthing, a perfect pregnancy, and I would feel loved and cared for. But it was not right now, and it was just again time for me to be strong and independent.

In my dimly lit birthing den, the soft grunts and gentle mewling of the newborn kittens and cubs filled the air, creating a soothing ambiance as my labor progressed. The faint scent of warmth and innocence enveloped the space, as if embracing the miracle unfolding before me. I had done this so many times before and it was as beautiful as ever. 

With each passing moment, I couldn't help but feel a mix of awe and uncertainty about how much I had transformed since my very first litter decades ago. Now, a newfound desire for companionship stirred within me, a longing for someone to be by my side during this vulnerable time. It was time with my five. I did know it. even though seven years was a hard time, the bond that we formed ever since was strong, much stronger than my alpha bond, my true soulmate bond, even with Charles. That bond made me want them by my side. My true pack.

It was a stark contrast to the past, when it was just me and my cubs, and I needed no one else. Perhaps, over the years, I had grown softer, allowing myself to acknowledge this need, though it was far from ideal. They taught me that I don't have to be alone. It is good to have someone in my life. even my pack sees that I have the shield on, some sort of cocoon almost, it is not like that. I keep myself under control but my five helped me to be me.

They have let me be me over the years, they have seen me, true me, they have witnessed my deaths, over 500 of them, and just because Mariella was bitch, they were with me every single time I died and it was so damn hard for them. Wulfe kept me safe when I returned to pack, making sure that I slept, and still, the pack did not learn their lesson but cast me out as they assumed that I slept with Nick. And then I stopped existing, and they broke, pretty badly but they haven't had much of time to be with me since I came back and I know that we will have some time at some point with them. They need me as much as I need them.

My mind was thinking about everything that had happened to me and I was giving birth, to my cubs. For this lot, Damon would be a mere breeder, nothing as my pheromones claimed them. He would smell that they were his but there was no emotional bond there, as I would be their sole world. My cubs, my litters. no one else's. 

Oh, how I despised the presence of other females, viewing them as immature pack members, driven solely by their selfish desires. But I, I had done the work, delivering 80 beautiful cubs, each one special in their way. There were so-called normal ones, lions, leopards, and whatnot. I had quite an array of species and I made most of the different species than any other female in our pack. Then there were also these special ones. They might be hybrids or different-looking from the rest of the cubs. I had my specials in this litter as well. 

Among them was a breathtaking blue lion, his dark blue coat and ice-blue eyes promising a future of magnificence. Then, there was a peach-colored tiger, his soft fur and mesmerizing eyes a testament to his uniqueness. Last, an almost crimson leopard, whose ebony spots stood out vividly against his fiery red coat. All males, these boys, would undoubtedly captivate all who laid eyes on them once they grew. All of them had their father's eyes, ice blue, cruel and penetrating. Future alpha males. 

Anticipating their hunger, I had prepared milk bottles, but I also produced milk myself, allowing my cubs to feed directly from my teats upon their arrival. Later, if necessary, I would supplement their nourishment with the bottles. Having been through this before, I knew how to care for my cubs, but that didn't make the process any less challenging.

I allowed myself to feel the waves of resentment for those damn princesses, that occasionally washed over me, an integral part of who I was, embracing the full spectrum of my emotions. It was time for me to start to learn how to feel good too. My emotional wells filled one emotion after another. and soon my rages were starting to form as well. I had to make new wells for my colored rages. It is not nice always being a creature of rage, but it was just who I was. What I was created for.

Just a few days earlier, number two had dropped off supplies without a word of concern for my well-being, simply placing them in my arms and departing. His detachment spoke volumes about his indifference. I said nothing, accepting the items and preparing them for use. I could give drops and flanks to my cubs myself, too. I did not tell anyone how many I made. I was just with my cubs. We were family. I would be fine and then it would be time for me to go back to being the leader. There was little that Damon could do to stop me, not flank organ, no vampire mark, no magic symbol, no chakras, no love. Let him love Mariella and let that bitch take them all.

I knew that in the weeks and months to come, I would continue to give birth, my life consumed by this relentless cycle. How long would it be until the princesses grew weary of birthing cubs? Or would I have to endure this process indefinitely, regardless of the time it would take? It would be seen. It was more than likely that the whims of those bitches would dictate how this thing would go on, but it was what it was. I did not mind at all. Now I was focused on my cubs and their well-being. 

I was content with my cozy litter, their playful energy filling the den. Their tiny mewls echoed through the air, a symphony of hunger. As my milk flowed, a sense of relief washed over me, easing the ache in my body. Instincts and hormones aligned, restoring a sense of normalcy. I no longer craved the presence of others; I was self-sufficient.

Those damn bitches could keep their 14 men to themselves, for all I cared. Let them see what consequences would arise from their abandonment. The anger still simmered within me, and I allowed it to linger. It wasn't my place to seek explanations for being left alone once again. I hadn't been aggressive or fled, yet they had deserted me, plain and simple.

Oh, when I would give my lesson to them all for this. It would be quite magnificent, then they could think twice when trying to twist me into breeding. facts, nothing more than cold hard facts. 

Perhaps next time, when they planned to breed, I would choose to skip it. As wonderful as this moment was, my journey here had been far from perfect or pleasant. The days passed, and my magical cubs grew at an astonishing pace, devouring milk as quickly as I could provide it. I did not need anything else, my pheromones bind them to me, day after day and strongly too.

Soon it would be time to get them some meat pulp to be tasted on, but not just yet. It was about when they were ten days old, then it would be time and when they were two weeks old, then they would move into an enormous space. Witnessing their progress, day by day, filled me with awe. I never grew tired of seeing them grow right before my eyes.

Soon, a new litter would arrive, but my birthing den was spacious enough to accommodate multiple litters. Magnum, Colin, Dexter, Murdock, and Wulfe had ensured the safety of my precious cubs, and everything would be just fine.

The location of the big room, where I could introduce my kittens and cubs to the pack, remained a mystery. But in time, it would be revealed. I would inform the pack that my cubs needed space to play, though it wouldn't be surprising if there wasn't enough room for them. The anger still lingered within me. 

It was same time refreshing and annoying to feel this much but this was all new to me and it had taken quite a long time for me to get to this point and I was not sure what it would take for me not to want to feel anymore, because this feeling of everything made everything seem so new and fresh somehow.