As intended...

"Fair warning," Don Fluffles said, his voice a low rumble that seemed to vibrate the very air around us, "everyone will remember me as if I'd always been here as an Adamantite Plate adventurer when I unstop time. Just pretend that I have a majestic beard and a shiny bald head and am totally not a cat-faced eldritch abomination."

I blinked as time lurched back into motion, the frozen guild hall springing back to life. It was like someone had hit the play button on a paused movie, except with the added weirdness of a few extra people suddenly appearing out of nowhere. Reality, it seemed, had a bit of a glitch.

"Hey, Don," a voice boomed from behind me. I turned to see a massive woman, her features chiseled and strong, her muscles rippling beneath her armor. She had a smirk on her face, and her eyes, a piercing blue, seemed to assess me with a single glance. "You talkin' to these newbies?"

I watched as Don Fluffles nodded and gave a thumbs-up, that bizarrely feline grin still plastered on his face. The way his mouth moved, like he was making elongated meowing noises, was and always had been extremely strange when paired with his deep, booming voice. It was like watching a nature documentary narrated by Morgan Freeman, but with a cat's face superimposed over the majestic lion.

"Yeah, they're entirely underrated," Don Fluffles said, his voice a rumble. "I'm sure they'll get to our level in short order, Gagaran."

The woman, now identified as Gagaran, just nodded, taking a long swig from her tankard. "I'll take your word for it," she said, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. "I'll go check up on Evileye." She winked at me – a gesture that, coming from someone with her physique, was more intimidating than flirtatious – and then strode off towards a shadowy corner of the guild hall.

"Mhm, thanks for the vote of confidence," I said, nodding to Don Fluffles after I had a quick revolted shudder. "Didn't need it, but a rep boost is a rep boost."

Don Fluffles chuckled, his shoulders shaking with mirth. "Don't mention it, kid," he said, his voice a low purr. "Just having a little fun."

"Disturbing revelations and broken perception filters aside," Asuna began, her voice full of so much annoyance and rage that I was absolutely sure that she would develop a misfortune domain simply to use it on her newly gained adversary, "is anyone else disturbed that big, mean, and anti-feminine over there just tried to ineffectually flirt with someone who just proposed to me? Like, no one at all?"

I was about to respond, to offer some witty retort or a reassuring gesture, but before I could, the guild receptionist bustled back to our table, a silver plate clutched in her hand. Beside her stood a man with a mustache so majestic it could have its own gravitational pull. He nodded to Don Fluffles with a smile, then turned his attention to us.

"I would like to give you a Platinum Plate due to your feat of fourth-tier magic," he said, his voice a booming baritone that commanded attention, "but after completing just a single quest and giving one to an adventurer, let alone a team of two… well, let's just say the other guild masters would try to make trouble. My name is Pluton Ainzach, and I am the Adventurer's Guild Master here at E-Rantel. I expect great things from you two." He handed us each a silver plate that was both cool in the temperature sense and cool in the 'I want to wear this' sense.

"Thank you, Guild Master Ainzach," I said, my voice a carefully crafted blend of humility and gratitude. "We are honored to serve." I glanced at Asuna, who was examining her newly acquired plate with a mix of amusement and curiosity.

"Hmm, alright, this seems adequate." she murmured, her fingers tracing the metal surface. "I wonder what kind of perks come with being a Silver Plate adventurer in this world?"

I chuckled, shaking my head. "Only one way to find out," I said, my grin widening.

I watched as Ainzach, his shoulders slumping with fatigue, turned to head towards the stairs leading to the upper levels of the guild hall. A mischievous grin spread across my face. Time to stir the pot a little.

"Please, Guild Master Ainzach," I said, my voice laced with a feigned innocence, "Explain to us newbies what silverifying ourselves would prevail us of opportunity-wise."

Ainzach paused, his brow furrowing slightly at my deliberately mangled wording. He seemed to be a man of few words, his patience worn thin by years of dealing with idiotic adventurers. But he was also a professional, and he clearly took his duties as Guild Master seriously. With a sigh, he turned back to face us, his expression a mask of weary tolerance.

"Silver adventurers are allowed to request lodging directly at guild housing for a fee," he explained, his voice a gruff baritone. "Some restaurants offer discounts, and you can get better quests. That's pretty much it."

I exchanged a glance with Asuna, a silent chuckle passing between us. Better quests? I thought, my amusement growing. In this world? I'd like to see what they consider 'challenging.'

"Well," I said, my grin widening, "guess we'll have to wait for those 'better quests' to materialize. In the meantime…" I trailed off, my gaze following Asuna as she strode back towards the quest board. She scanned the postings for a moment, her brow furrowed in thought, before selecting the parchment detailing the cemetery clearing mission. The one that specifically involved killing the undead, not just mapping their locations.

"Now that we are, in fact, Silver Plates," she said, her voice laced with a predatory excitement, "let's go have some fun." She turned and headed towards the exit, her steps purposeful, her hand resting on the hilt of her rapier.

I chuckled, shaking my head. Leave it to Asuna to find a way to make even the most mundane task sound like a declaration of war. I followed close behind, enjoying the bewildered stares of the other adventurers as we passed.

As we reached the guild hall doors, a loud sigh echoed from the second-story balcony. Ainzach, his face a mask of weary exasperation, slammed the door to his office shut. "Crazy royal bastards," he muttered, his voice barely audible above the din of the guild hall.

I grinned, my amusement growing. He had no idea.

The cemetery gates creaked open, revealing a gaggle of adventurers milling about, their expressions a mix of anticipation and boredom. I spotted the Gold Plate Overseer, a stern-looking man with a neatly trimmed beard and a no-nonsense demeanor, standing near the entrance to the catacombs. Time to make our grand entrance.

"Look who's got the right plate now?" I said, approaching the Overseer with a shit-eating grin plastered on my face. "Fun time?"

The Overseer, his expression unchanging, simply nodded. "Yes. Fun. In a crypt." He then turned to address the assembled adventurers, his voice a booming baritone that cut through the murmuring crowd. "Alright, listen up! The catacombs are extensive, and the undead are said to be particularly aggressive this time of year. Stick to your assigned teams, follow the maps, and don't engage any enemies beyond your rank. Safety first, people!"

I stifled a chuckle as the adventurers, their faces a mix of eagerness and apprehension, surged forward, jostling for position as they entered the crypt entrance. They were so eager to prove themselves, so desperate for a taste of glory, that they completely missed the obvious. The deliberately blocked doorway, the faint scent of decay that lingered in the air, the unnatural silence that hung over the graveyard… it all screamed "trap." But hey, who was I to spoil their fun?

Asuna, ever the pragmatist, pushed aside a heavy wooden box that had been jammed against the door, a rusty piece of metal further securing it in place. So I just kicked the rest of it down as I turned down a hidden corridor.

"Are you sure that was wise?" she asked, her voice a low murmur.

I took a deep breath, letting the scent of decay fill my nostrils. It was a familiar aroma, a reminder of countless battles fought and won against the forces of darkness. "Well, seeing as that deliberately blocked door was super suspicious," I said, my voice dripping with mock naiveté, "what's the worst that can happen? In fact, nothing bad can happen at all! We're totally going to have all the fun exploring this mysterious crypt. They haven't breached the wall in 100 years, there's no way a cult of evil zombie summoners will attack us here. We are, in fact, invincible. For you see, Asuna, nothing can sink this boat because I HAVE DEFEATED MURPHY, THE BITCH!"

Asuna blinked, her expression a mix of amusement and concern. "That amount of poking Murphy…" she said, her voice trailing off. "Are you sure you want to invite that level of attention?"

I grinned, my eyes narrowing into a predatory gleam. I lifted my middle finger to the sky, a silent challenge to fate itself. "Believe me," I said, my voice a low, confident sound that echoed off the walls, "nothing will occur that is not exactly as I intend. No worries."

And then, with a low rumble that shook the very foundations of the crypt, the floor beneath us gave way.