Confrontation

After Zale left, he took a slow drive back into the city, using the time to process everything. None of it had been expected, but it was also the miracle he hadn't known he wanted. He realized he stood at a crossroads. Wind whipped his hair and kicked sand into his eyes. And it was dark. The only light was a single flame lamp at the crossroad that illuminated illegible signs.

Zale stood in that light and peered as far as he could down each path but could hardly see past his own hands.

Meru wouldn't be happy if he left. This fact was indisputable. He couldn't forgive himself for passing the chance either. "Why couldn't she just believe me!" he yelled, stamping his foot into the floorboard of the car.

He groaned and replayed his options again, speaking aloud to himself. "I can stay here. Forget about Egypt and find a way to do this all on my own. That's basically the same as giving up in the end. Or, I go with Shai and piss off Meru. Even if she wanted to come with me, I don't think I want her there," he admitted, the words leaving a stain on his emotional state.

"She doesn't believe me, and having her around wouldn't be productive. If only she'd actually do this with me."

He sighed and began questioning his own sanity for just a moment, wondering again if everything he'd experienced in the coma was a false hope fabricated from his own fear. But then, he knew it wasn't. Shai had been the anchor that planted his experience in reality.

Zale pulled up to a red light and stopped, casting his gaze to the book in his passenger seat. "Why can't you just tell me all your secrets," he moaned, slumping onto the steering wheel.

His weren't the only grievances of the night, though. Meru was a storm. Her anger spiked by his sudden announcement of wanting to go to Egypt. "What about your job? What about me? How the hell am I going to just drop everything all of a sudden?!"

Zale sat Meru down after he'd returned home and explained how the night had gone. Meru listened with a smile, loving that Zale had enjoyed himself so much.

However, when the topic of leaving came up, her smile was slowly replaced by disbelief, then a scowl. Now, she paced the apartment like a whirlwind whipping this way and that. Every time she spoke, she whirled on him with renewed fury, then stamped around to simmer down for a moment.

"You can't just throw caution to the wind, Zale! We aren't children. You and I both have responsibilities."

"I can talk to Effie about it, come up with something she'll believe that'll get me outta work for a while-"

"Well, isn't that grand for you! I still have bills to pay, you know? I'm not some cripple who can play things off at an injury. My squad needs me, too. I don't care if the Grand Puba of Shit Mountain came to you with a trillion bucks, no is no. You can't do this!"

She whirled and stormed again, face red with the effort of both containing and releasing fury all at once.

Zale felt his own fury rising. It quelled the anxiety he'd been suppressing, and, all at once, he felt the need to appease vanish. He breathed deep and, though he was seated on the couch, when Meru whipped around to speak again, he shut her down. "I think you have to stay here, Meru."

She froze, words sucked from her throat. All she managed was a strangled, "What?"

Zale cleared his throat. "I said, it'd be best if you stayed here. This is my battle. You told you'd believe me only after I get proof. I wanted you to be part of this, more than anyone, but you chose not to be."

Zale stood finally, fists clenched. Meru was not intimidated, and it wasn't Zale's purpose. He strode over to her and said, "Meru, I'm sorry, but this is something I'm going to do alone. You can't be part of it. I need you to wait for me. I know you think I'm delusional, so fine. Let me be delusional. I'm living for myself."

He motioned to his withered body. "I'm terrified, Meru. I thought I'd lost you. I thought I'd lost myself. I'm scared of death. Of the end. Of nothing. If this is my chance to reverse that destiny, then I will. I know it comes at a price."

Meru stared into his eyes finally, meeting this complicated emotion. "Is losing me worth it?"