Losing someone

Noah's POV

It had been days since Abigail had gone missing. The search continued. I posted an award for whoever finds him. I had to find her. I want to see her. I ... miss her.

"Noah..." I looked at mom and sighed. "I need to find her, Mom," I said to her.

"We found her," my eyes widened when I was looking at her.

"Where is she?"

"Come with us," we started to walk out of the company.

"What are we doing here?" I asked.

"We found the car she was riding with my driver. I think... the car crashed, and it fell off the cliff," she uttered.

"No... No..." my words broke up and all I could say were stuttering sounds. Hot tears streamed down my face, as my mind went blank all of a sudden. My choppy breathing and watery eyes remained for quite some time, and I was standing there unmoving.

I can't believe she was gone. I didn't want to believe this. I want to see her body. I wanted to make sure if that was hers. "I want to see her body, mom," my voice was heavy with shame, the same way my guilt weighed down upon my shoulders.

After a week, the personnel assigned to examine the body found reported to us that it was really my wife, Abigail. I felt like I was losing my strength the moment I heard that. I missed her so much. I missed how she took care of me. I missed how she makes me annoyed and mad at her. I missed everything about her.

"Abigail died in the accident. I'm so sorry, Noah." Mom said, and tears began filling her eyes while patting my back.

"We're sorry for your loss, brother," Charlotte uttered, but I was just standing there, looking at her body.

Why? Why do I feel like she's still alive? Is it because I still hope he's alive that I feel it? I could see her body from a distance from where I was standing, but why? Why do I feel like she's still alive?

Later that night, I was in bed, sighing in disbelief, and thinking that this was all a dream. My eyes started to tear up the moment I thought about my wife, Abi. Eyes swollen from the tears shed just moments ago, I let out a shaky breath. The soft sheets surrounding me provide warm comfort as I swing my legs up towards my chest, gripping onto the pillow beside me. I"m exhausted. As my eyes begin to shut, I start feeling at ease again. All I can hope for is tomorrow to be a better day…

The morning came, and it was a bright and sunny morning. White, fluffy clouds drifted across the sky. "Abi?" I uttered, and started to look for her. I was walking and I just realized and remembered what happened yesterday. I stopped walking, and I was already in the kitchen. A solemn tear came out of my eyes when I remembered everything. I feel the world is a hard place to live in without her. I... feel difficult even to breathe.

"Abi..." my eyes were dull and empty, yet they told a story of sadness as tears slowly fell down my face. A great sob escaped me, and I covered my face with shaking hands. The sound of wailing and suffering echoed throughout the house. I can't accept that my wife is really gone. I need her. I want to see her once again.

Time was running fast and I didn't realize it was night. I looked at the sky, and remembered how we used to look at it, together. I haven't even been a good husband to her. How I wish I could turn back time to be a better husband to her.

A knock on the door caught my attention. When I was at the door, I suddenly received a punch from Ethan. I don't know, but I didn't feel the pain of his punch. I feel so numb because of the pain in my heart and longing for my wife.

I'm on the floor now as he stares at me wickedly. I started to stand and faced him.

"What is it?" I had no appetite to question him.

"What happened to you? What happened to her?" he asked.

"I don't know either."

I turned my back on him but he grabbed my arm and faced me at him again.

"Get a grip on yourself, Noah! This isn't the Noah I know! Your wife needs you now. She's at home," he said, and I knew what he was referring to. Abigail's dead body, and I think I didn't want to see her like that. I want her, alive. Without emotion, I turned my back on him again. "I don't want to go," I began to walk away from him.

"Noah?" I stopped when he talked, "She may be dead, but, she will remain in your heart forever," he added. A sigh of disbelief came out of my mouth and I continued to walk upstairs.

I locked myself inside my room, longing for Abigail's embrace and kisses. I closed my eyes, letting out a deep sigh. My eyes were wet with tears, and my lips trembled. Only now did I realize that the bed was too big. It was the same bed, but it looks bigger now. This room was very comforting, but what happened made the surroundings sad and cold.

Two days later, I was walking inside my parents' house where Abigail's dead body was. I could feel the eyes of everyone were on me. I just focused on my parents and bowed my head when I arrived in front of them.

"I'm glad you came," she said to me, and I nodded my head at her.

"How have you been? Are you eating well?" my sister asked me, and I nodded my head again.

The guests had arrived and my eyes caught Ethan, who was now helping to serve food and drinks to the guests. I could not move and think properly. I fainted as I saw my wife's coffin in front of me. It was just like a dream and I didn't know what was real and not at that time. A tear tickled my cheeks, but I wiped them off.

No one saw me crying, but... I always cry at night when I am alone. God knows how much I cried for her. I much I missed her. I much, I regretted everything.

Later that night, I was all alone inside while looking at her coffin. I suddenly went up and walked towards her. I closed my eyes when I let out a deep breath, and opened my eyes again, facing and smiling at her.

"Honey..." as the time I uttered that name, a tear was forming but I wouldn't let it fall. I continued to smile while looking and placing my palms on the glass above her. "I missed you... so much," I said and stared at the floor. I don't want her to see me crying. I don't want her to see me in pain.

I tried so much not to cry, but... I couldn't help it. A single tear squeezed out of my wild eyes while looking at her. She had seen me at my lowest, and... she was always there for me. I felt cold tears start to stream down my face. My breath was shaky, and my vision started to get blurry while I tried to look at her once again. I put my palms on my face and continued to cry in front of him. How can I hate her? She's such an angel. I don't feel anything anymore. My heart was so numb, that it couldn't even feel any pain anymore. I thought it stopped beating. I could barely hear the beating of my chest. I think it stopped beating for a moment.

I swiped at my eyes but the tears came all the way. I couldn't stop it. I am so weak right now. I... don't think I am able to endure this pain any longer. I should have been a good husband to her. I should have been better to her. I should treat her better then. I should...

There I was, sitting alone in front of her, thinking about everything that recently happened to her. There was nothing left of my happiness. Everything was gone. It wasn't anger that took it. I did not feel anything at all, but my face said otherwise. I could hardly keep myself together. I was shaking.

I just stared at her as I watched her coffin from the chair where I was sitting, and let the tears drip coming from my puffy eyes. I just wonder why this happened to me? Why did this happen to her? Why? Why her? I sniffled quietly, tears threatening to spill from my eyes.

When I raised my head and looked at her again, I just realized something...

I just lost her. I had lost the most precious woman I've loved. I had lost my wife.

I had lost Abigail.

To be continued...